All I Want for Christmas Is a Hot Black Queer Girlfriend

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exhausted.”</p><div id="44d8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://www.scarymommy.com/stop-asking-black-women-explain-discrimination/"> <div> <div> <h2>Stop Asking Black Women To Explain Discrimination</h2> <div><h3>The last few years have awakened awareness for white women in America. Police violence on unarmed black citizens, the…</h3></div> <div><p>www.scarymommy.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*4uCOL48A2MAycrKI)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="12fc">A sentiment that I believe can be applied to my situation. Not only am I dealing with sexism and racism, but I am also dealing with homophobia. I can’t then sit someone down and explain to them how homosexuality isn’t a choice. I can’t take hours of my day trying to prove my existence and lived truth to someone who may not understand. Much like how white allies can not understand fully how it is to be Black, cisgender heterosexual men can not understand what it is like to be gay.</p><p id="e2ff">I have 0 issues with interracial dating — when it’s done through a love vs hate of your race — however, I want to date someone who experiences the same world that I do. I have dated many people outside of my race who at times simply didn’t get where I was coming from with certain things. Or at worst respect my culture.</p><p id="5d35">I want someone I can confide in without having to explain the background needed to get my point. I’m exhausted. I am 23 and I’m exhausted. Of seeing comment after comment of people wishing abuse on their children on social media for being. Or hearing snide comments of disgust from parents. Of telling people why a “joke” isn’t a joke. I can’t choose to live the rest of my life in this state. Nor can I have a partner I am unable to confide in.</p><p id="2649">If I was to meet a guy who was perfect for me in every way would I refuse him? Of course not. However, the likelihood of me finding a (Black) cis-gender man who isn’t homophobic, racist, misogynistic and has read as much theory as I have is slim to none. Let’s be honest. Queer men can still be misogynistic but I am open to them still. However, the likelihood of finding a Black woman who ticks all my boxes is a lot higher.</p><p id="5f8e">I am at the stage in my life where all

Options

-isms and -phobias are deal-breakers. I already wrote about how some of these issues are prevalent in the Black community but to summerise these are not things I will help you work through or are they flaws. The bare minimum requirement is tolerance for all people and study within the subjects.</p><p id="2341">Are there cisgender heterosexual men who tick my boxes? Probably. However, I am done being a<i> Build-A-Bear </i>factory. I’m done prescribing to this belief that as a woman we have to compromise our values for a partner. And you know what? <b>I deserve nice things</b>. This year I am sending a letter to Santa asking for the <b>whole</b> thing.</p><p id="4635"><a href="https://mailchi.mp/1b847dce9896/zuvaseven"><i>Join my list</i></a><i> to keep in touch! I’ll also send you my guide for true beginners. Filled with all the things I wish I knew starting out as a writer.</i></p><p id="c78a"><i>I am also the editor of <a href="https://medium.com/an-injustice?source=post_page---------------------------">An Injustice!</a> A intersectional millennial publication. <a href="https://readmedium.com/write-for-us-b67daf126c25">Check here</a> for now to join!</i></p><div id="3387" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-difficulties-of-being-a-woman-black-and-bisexual-c2cf2d2b1905"> <div> <div> <h2>The Difficulties of Being a Woman, Black and Bisexual</h2> <div><h3>My thoughts this Bi visibility day</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Nd8BWCBr8bd5f4B8TzRP4g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="330c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-used-to-be-obsessed-with-the-idea-of-being-loved-92acf00e4f55"> <div> <div> <h2>I Used to Be Obsessed With the Idea of Being Loved</h2> <div><h3>A story on how my borderline personality diagnosis sedated by the constant need for affection</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*jhAlvd9m3m7WvGXIQ6e9FA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Why dating heterosexual cisgender men is off the table for me

I have been living life as a semi-closeted bisexual woman for a while now and I have decided that for the next chapter of my life, I don’t see myself dating cisgender heterosexual men.

Before the men reading this come at me with their pitchforks — I know it’s not all men. We all know it’s not all men. However, it is a big enough chunk for me to take a sabbatical from them. And an even bigger section that are silent and complicit to the actions of their friends.

I’m done prescribing to this belief that as a woman we have to compromise our values for a partner. I deserve nice things.

A couple of years ago I believed it was my duty to shape people, help them build and grow. I still think this is important to a degree however I think you should grow together. The inverse is work. Work that I simply don’t have the time or energy to pursue. I don’t see it as fair that I, in the background, have spent this time trying to be a better person only to raise a fully grown adult as well. This has never made sense to me. Is it shallow to want to date a formed individual? Why must we as women be expected to raise fully grown men as well as ourselves and children?

I’m joking, we all know why.

In Brandi Riley’s article, Stop Asking Black Women To Explain Discrimination. She discusses why she is tired of well-meaning white people reaching out to her about racism. She states that they should stop because, “I’m dealing with implicit bias, outright discrimination, and life-threatening racism every single day. I don’t have the capacity to do the emotional labor of helping you work through the realization that this land is your land, but it wasn’t made for you and me. I’m exhausted.”

A sentiment that I believe can be applied to my situation. Not only am I dealing with sexism and racism, but I am also dealing with homophobia. I can’t then sit someone down and explain to them how homosexuality isn’t a choice. I can’t take hours of my day trying to prove my existence and lived truth to someone who may not understand. Much like how white allies can not understand fully how it is to be Black, cisgender heterosexual men can not understand what it is like to be gay.

I have 0 issues with interracial dating — when it’s done through a love vs hate of your race — however, I want to date someone who experiences the same world that I do. I have dated many people outside of my race who at times simply didn’t get where I was coming from with certain things. Or at worst respect my culture.

I want someone I can confide in without having to explain the background needed to get my point. I’m exhausted. I am 23 and I’m exhausted. Of seeing comment after comment of people wishing abuse on their children on social media for being. Or hearing snide comments of disgust from parents. Of telling people why a “joke” isn’t a joke. I can’t choose to live the rest of my life in this state. Nor can I have a partner I am unable to confide in.

If I was to meet a guy who was perfect for me in every way would I refuse him? Of course not. However, the likelihood of me finding a (Black) cis-gender man who isn’t homophobic, racist, misogynistic and has read as much theory as I have is slim to none. Let’s be honest. Queer men can still be misogynistic but I am open to them still. However, the likelihood of finding a Black woman who ticks all my boxes is a lot higher.

I am at the stage in my life where all -isms and -phobias are deal-breakers. I already wrote about how some of these issues are prevalent in the Black community but to summerise these are not things I will help you work through or are they flaws. The bare minimum requirement is tolerance for all people and study within the subjects.

Are there cisgender heterosexual men who tick my boxes? Probably. However, I am done being a Build-A-Bear factory. I’m done prescribing to this belief that as a woman we have to compromise our values for a partner. And you know what? I deserve nice things. This year I am sending a letter to Santa asking for the whole thing.

Join my list to keep in touch! I’ll also send you my guide for true beginners. Filled with all the things I wish I knew starting out as a writer.

I am also the editor of An Injustice! A intersectional millennial publication. Check here for now to join!