SATIRE

Algorithm, Schmalgorithm — Stop Feeding the Beast

I’m taking a stand

Just stop it.

Overt clapping either predisposes the reader to be hyper-critical, setting the bar way too high, or it draws attention away from the work — the more claps there are, the more detrimental it is to the author.

You know it doesn’t do any good, right? You think it shows appreciation, but it doesn’t. It is actually more harmful than you think.

First of all — OW!

You telling me that you ‘appreciate’ my story 50 claps/worth — I know it’s not.

Do you know how I know?

Because I didn’t like the article that much.

I don’t like any of the articles I write. My articles are worth 10, 15 claps, tops. I’m an Irish/German ex-Christian. I don’t even like myself that much.

It’s a bad look

You automatically tossing 50 claps onto my article shows people it is too good for them.

When I go to an article and see 1K claps, I close it and move on.

Too much.

That article is entirely too heavy for me.

Give me a nice light 5 clapper — 1 is even better.

A 0 clapper — O.M.G. Don’t even get me started.

It’s kind of elitist if you stop and think about it. But — Holy Shit! — I’m not asking you to do that.

This is scientifically proven by me

— and I’m not even a scientist. What are scientists anyway? Just people who look at a bunch of stuff, looking for patterns. I looked at my stats and found what I needed. It hardly took me any time at all.

I looked at an article I wrote that had over 20,000 views and 576 claps in two weeks. Do the math, because I don’t feel like it.

I was a straight-A student. I passed through all the grades. They would never have let me out of school if I didn’t know my shit.

I looked at it a month later and saw that it had skyrocketed to 735 claps. After that, it only received 1 view a week.

Coincidence?

Truthfully, I’m not 100 percent sure what that word means, exactly. But if it means I’m right, then yes, it is 100 percent a coincidence.

Medium — I know what you’re up to

But, all that is pointless because I blame Medium. It’s just another way for them to stick it to us, right.

Right?

Algorithm¹, schmalgorithm.

They tell you that earning money has something to do with claps, or read time, but I know what it actually is.

Your claps — feed Medium. They tell you that it is to show support for the writer, but it is actually to Matrix-pod-style feed Medium.

So stop. I kind of like it here in the ‘real’ world.

¹ Why did Grammarly underline schmalgorithm in this sentence, but not the previous one? Wow — now they’re messing with Grammarly.

You got me! Now put me in your inbox — get my stories in your inbox.