Personal Reflection

Ageing Became Real When I Truly Started To Spot The Signs Of Time

Getting older sucks, you’re allowed to feel bad about it…

Ageing scares me. And not just because I have a fear of dying. But because of everything I gradually lose before that happens. I might just scream the next time someone tells me:

Age is just a number…

You’re as old as you feel…

It’s only your body that ages your soul is still young…

As if that wasn’t enough. Please do me a favour and just stop with these cliques.

They don’t work. On the contrary. They fuel the anger inside me like the young cashier at Sainsbury’s who called me “Madam” yesterday as I was packing my groceries. The carton of milk suddenly felt a little heavier in my hands and I couldn’t decide whether to put it in my bag or hit him on the head with it. I glanced at his name badge and put the damn thing away. Connor only tried to be kind.

You see, we can’t dismiss the obvious and bury our heads in the sand. Ageing happens whether we acknowledge it or not unless we say goodbye to our Earthly existence before the first wrinkles appear.

The sad truth is that most of us struggle. And why shouldn’t we? When we come face to face with the fact of having left most of the fun bit behind.

So allow me to feel bad about it. Reminisce my youth. And compare what’s happening now to how it was some years ago. Don’t tell me that age is just a number, because this number is only going up leaving less and less of what we all call life.

I was taken aback when my son first told me: “ Mum, you’re 45. That’s sooo old”. This was a couple of years ago so the situation is even worse now. I just laughed it off, but it stung. And it reminded me of my grandma, who I thought was at the end of her life when she was sixty.

I’ve always envied people who don’t regret their age. I do. I’ve always done it since I turned 25. In fact, that was the time when I stopped celebrating my birthday altogether. And now, at the ripe age of 47, I can’t help but face the music, because -whether I like it or not — it’s well underway.

You’ve Earned Your Wrinkles

I read something like this once, but I can’t remember where to save my life. “They signify the experiences you lived through in life. You’ve earned them, be proud of them. ” It was referring to the wrinkles that crinkle our faces with time. And it went on about how we should treasure them and regard them as a gift of life.

So Zen, isn’t it?

Except that, I don’t have the Zen worldview of a monk who meditates for hours on top of the Huascarán. And I feel anything but calm when I look in the mirror. What I do feel is sadness that my youth is behind me. And I sometimes lift up the skin on my jawline to find a speckle of the look I used to have.

Getting older is an unwanted process that we all go through from the moment we are born. Although as a child I couldn’t wait to become an adult. And now that I’m an adult I look at youngsters thinking: “Wow, you still have a whole life ahead of you.”

They think they’ll be young forever. I did that too. And I only recently came across the difficulty of accepting the multitude of challenges ageing brings. Declining health (although this can be helped), existential questions, and the undeniable issues of ageism.

Younger candidates will be likely offered jobs over us, the mature counterpart. Even though they may have less experience. What they do have is time. Time to learn on the job, and time to step up on that damn career ladder.

But let’s face it, there’s logic in opting for wrinkles rather than dying young. I prefer the first alternative myself. But it doesn’t make it easier to accept the reduced amount of collagen in my body.

Burn Calorie Burn

Only it won’t. Unless you make it.

I have a petite frame and was teased throughout my childhood over my lighter-than-feather weight. I hated my stick legs. And my bum stuck out so much that I had to really straighten my back while walking to counterbalance the overall effect. What was I even thinking? I was thin with a perfect bottom. Naturally toned, as every bottom should be.

But this had all changed with pregnancy and my body now is nowhere near as perfect as it used to be. Still thin and fit for my age. Thanks to over a decade of Pilates, yoga, and all the physically demanding jobs I’ve ever had.

I’m in better condition than some younger women in their prime but I can’t deny the fact that it takes longer to process food. And the regular snacks in the office have done no favour to my midsection.

Let’s call this baby by its name. I talk about belly fat. Not excessive, but I can still see it. And once you have it, good luck trying to get rid of it.

This is not your usual excess weight, that with exercise you shed. No. Belly fat is a particular animal, that takes your body image issues to a whole new level.

No abdominal exercise will make it disappear (although it helps) and once you have it, even eating the right food will only help to keep it at bay.

According to the New York Times:

Around menopause, there’s a striking change in where women store fat on their bodies, said Dr. Gail Greendale, a professor of medicine at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles.

then continues:

Despite the ubiquitous internet ads claiming to hold the secret to shrinking belly fat, experts really don’t know how to address the waistline expansion associated with menopause, Dr. Greendale said.

So it’s not good news ladies. But I came up with a solution. Accept the changes in you, exercise when you can, and halve the portion of your meals. I know this is not what you want to hear. I love my food, too. But this is a new chapter, with a slower metabolism and we have to adapt if we want to wobble inside our skinny jeans.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock — Gates Are Closing

Your mindset shifts in your forties. You, suddenly take stock of what you’ve done so far. And whether you’ve achieved the goals you’d set. It’s a daunting process unless you can tick the boxes. But if you’re anything like me and lots of those boxes are unticked, you start to wonder whether those tasks will ever be completed.

I used to be a morning person and get up at 5.00 a.m. New days bring new possibilities, I thought. And I toyed with a lot of ideas I’d make a reality while stirring my porridge, enjoying the quiet piece.

Now, these very moments sometimes fill me with dread. I feel like I haven’t proved myself enough and wasted most of my time thinking about taking action instead of doing it.

Don’t try this at home! It’s completely pointless. Those years are behind us and there’s no going back. The one thing I learned over the last four decades is that time is the most precious thing we have, and it’s up to us to decide how we want to spend it.

We may not be able to instantly leave a job we dislike or shed that extra weight overnight. But what we can do is to think of all the things we’d still like to achieve. And take action.

Finally…

Getting old is not fun. But there’s no reasonable way around it.

We can cry over our crow’s feet or stop smiling so they won’t show. The years will still pass regardless of how we approach it.

You know how the quote goes:

Accept the things you can’t change.

What you can do is work towards that business you’ve been dreaming of setting up for years. Or write that book you’ve been talking about for so long.

Going to the gym and starting to exercise or changing your diet so you can live for longer.