After 14 Years, I Want to Improve My Well-Being by Quitting Social Media

The pros of deleting my accounts seem to outweigh the cons.

I started using social media early on. At 14 years old, my best friend and I sat in my parent’s basement setting up Myspace accounts. I absorbed various social rules, like how to select your “top friends”: boyfriend first, then your best girlfriend — right?

At 28 years old, I’m in the process of resetting. Last weekend, I “unfriended” over 2,000 people on Facebook. I also unfollowed every account on Instagram, curious to see who I’d miss on each platform. After undergoing massive life changes, i.e., discovering narcissism in my birth family and burning out in my tech career, I’ve wondered who my real friends are.

Early on, I used the apps to connect with friends in high school, college, and post-college adventures. We shared photos, status updates, messages, and social events. But as our lives shift, the apps feel more like places of comparison than connection.

Over the past two years, I used both apps primarily to share creative updates, i.e., new articles, hobbies, and playful adventures. But I still felt the pressure to conform to various social values, like showing friend photos, creating beautiful imagery, and having the perfect captions.

I’d compare social media to mind-altering psychedelic drugs. You need to be very aware of the likely negative impacts and have boundaries to protect yourself. These apps seem to heighten any current struggles. For me, that means more anxiety, social comparison, and not feeling good enough.

Maybe deleting my social media accounts is the best way for me to improve the quality of my genuine relationships, including the one with myself.

Social media’s negative impacts

Preparing to write this article, I read published writing and research about harmful side effects. Reflecting on my experience, I’ve seen several symptoms:

• Increased anxiety: I experienced anxiety even before I began using social media, but I know the platforms are not helping. Even as a full-grown, conscious adult, I’ve noticed myself worrying about like counts and having the “right” social image.
• Social comparison: When an app condenses your online popularity into a single number, it’s difficult not to compare. Even with this awareness, I notice when other women are more attractive than me, post cooler content and prettier graphics, or have a more engaged audience.
• Feel like a performer: Even now as I’ve prioritized authenticity, it’s difficult not to try to create an online persona. For example, I remember being very picky about any online photo of me: does my skin look good? Do I look thin enough? How’s the lighting?
• Self-consciousness: As a woman living in America, self-consciousness happens naturally. As I’ve written in detail, our culture puts women in a beauty contest we never asked to join. No one wins, and image-centric apps do not help.
• Increased depression: While “depression” is complex, I can verify that I’ve felt lower energy and less motivated when I used the apps more. I also realized social media actually makes us feel more bored, rather than alleviating boredom.

Last winter I took a sabbatical from social media for three months. As the holidays were starting, I knew taking space was important self-care. I felt more relaxed, took fewer photos, and experienced my life without the ongoing chatter about creating the next post.

When I returned to the apps, I posted fewer portraits and focused more on solving problems for people with my content. I tried using more mindfulness, limiting my app time, and curating my feeds.

But I’m starting to feel like it’s just not worth it.

The expected benefits of quitting

Maybe most importantly, I feel concerned about the quality of my relationships. Several creators and researchers talk about the reduced quality of digital relationships. How connected does clicking a “like” button really make us? What does being a “friend” on Facebook actually mean?

Two years ago, I made the horrific discovery of narcissism in my birth family. At the time, I had just quit my “dream job” at Facebook — yes, ironic — and felt uncertain about the future. Having over 2,000 “friends” online gave me some comfort: there have to be at least a few real connections, right?

But all the back and forth online connections became more of a distraction and a let-down. When I delete these social accounts, here’s what I expect:

• Higher-quality relationships: The more I release that social comparison, I assume my connections will increase in quality and depth.
• More real adventures: Without needing to photo-document every adventure and get the right angles, I assume I’ll experience my environment more fully. It sounds silly writing that out, but I’m sure many other people feel similarly.
• Greater creative energy: I’ve already noticed an increased curiosity and openness when I took breaks. I assume that clearing out the noise will help me listen to my inner voice.
• Improved self-esteem: There’s something about thousands of people accessing your personal information that feels unsettling. While I do get vulnerable in my writing, the reader-base seems very different. Plus, you get way more context.
• More grounded: After feeling incredibly disoriented by the narcissist discoveries, inner peace has become a priority. I’ve noticed that using social media, even for creative purposes, brings out my ego. One minute, I’m the coolest writer ever, and the next, I feel like a total loser.

Zooming out, I feel like social media is only one puzzle piece in the world of harmful distractions. Things like advertisements, TV shows, and capitalism also seem unhelpful to my well-being. I don’t believe deleting my accounts will “solve all my problems.” But it feels like a powerful act of self-care.

If you’re still using social media, I encourage you to reflect on your usage patterns. What’s working for you? What aspects seem unhelpful? Can you relate to parts of my experience? I’d love to know what stands out.

Mostly I think I’ll miss the Facebook Marketplace, housing groups, creating content, and connecting with old friends. But there are other ways to sell items, find housemates, connect with friends, and share content. I’m already doing that: word-of-mouth, trade stores, texting, and the Medium platform.

Looking forward, I plan to save most of the photos and pleasant memories, share my contact info as needed, and then walk away. Within a week or so, I’ll feel so happy that I made these brave choices for myself.

While I feel grateful for past digital conversations, sharing, and spreading awareness, I won’t miss the false comfort of having thousands of “friends.” Instead, I’ll embrace stillness, openness, and truth in my daily reality.

I write inspiring, uplifting, and empowering content on transformative topics. Join the Weekly Love News on my website to receive free newsletters each Tuesday in your inbox.