Affirmation Mastery for the INFJ: Strategies for Overcoming Self-Doubt
Unlocking the power of affirmations
You’ve probably heard that affirmations can transform the way you think, act, and believe. You may have even heard that affirmations will make the Universe, or powers that be, send or grant you what you want.
It’s probably a safe bet to say that affirmations will help change the way you think about things, which in turn will transform how you act or believe. To say that affirmations will bring great fortune your way, or bend the Universe to your will…well, let’s just say the jury is out on that but you are free to choose how you feel about it.
I think it’s important to determine how or if affirmations will work for you based on your personality type and what motivates you. I know that affirmations have made a difference in my life, and after using them for several years, I’ve latched on to some strategies that make sense for the INFJ personality type.
While doing some research for writers with the INFJ personality type, I read the following quote and stopped to ponder it for a while.
The most effective way to dissolve self-doubt over the long term is to pick a phrase that resonates with you and repeat it many times throughout the day. — Lauren Sapala, The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type
I am a firm believer in affirmations, to be sure. But, is repeating an affirmation over and over the most effective way to dissolve self-doubt?
Maybe, for a certain group of people like us INFJs that always feel, no matter what they have achieved it’s never good enough, affirmations work differently.
Authentic INFJs don’t like to over-promise and under-deliver so we tend to avoid bragging and flying by the seat of our pants. We also don’t like the stress of success, even if it means we can finally pay off debt, buy a house, or take our dream vacation. We see the tradeoff as too high.
For all these reasons and more, we tend to downplay who we are and what we bring to the table. And we suffer from self-doubt.
INFJ personality types have a lot to weed through when deciding how to effectively use affirmations
Imposter syndrome. Some of us are more susceptible to it than others. Dare I call myself a writer? So many of us struggle to get those words out comfortably through our lips. Will affirmations help me get over imposter syndrome or do I need more?
Perfectionism plays a part here, too. Could have done better. Should have seen that coming. Why didn’t I think of that?
The comparison game also shows up to derail us. Hers is better than mine. She got more shoutouts than I did. I did the same thing last week and didn’t get publicly recognized.
The need for recognition or approval. For the INFJ, there may never be enough recognition, never enough praise, never enough gold stars.
Praise and approval are like an addiction for us, so it’s better to stop relying on the praises of others for your self-esteem and confidence. There’s nothing wrong with getting praise from others, but if there’s a need that borders on addiction, it’s best not to play with that. I recommend going cold turkey on this.
When we try to overcome self-doubt by getting praise from others, we’ll over-perform to the point of exhaustion and burnout.
This also makes me aware to try to remember to offer praise and encouragement to others as they may need to hear it more than I think. For some, it’s their love language. For me, it’s a feeble attempt to squelch self-doubt.
So, if we will never find the cure for self-doubt outside of ourselves, then the answer must be within, right?
Are affirmations a good way to help, or start, the process?
Are affirmations enough?
If affirmations worked then why wouldn’t everyone use them and overcome all self-doubt, fear, and imposter syndrome?
We need more…
If I’m speaking of affirmations about my abilities as a writer but I’m getting nothing published, nothing read, and earning no money or followers, then how can I believe those affirmations?
For me, I need a bit of success, too.
I need to taste that what I affirm about myself is true.
For me, affirmations need to feel more like reminders of what I already know to be true, or what I’ve already experienced.
For example, affirmations that remind me of how much God loves me, how he always provides and looks out for me, work for me because I’ve already experienced his love played out in my life. When in a down cycle I just need to remind myself of what he's already done to feel better and lose the doubt or fear.
Saying those words without ever having experienced them would not really work because they’d be like empty rainclouds. Or like opening a birthday gift only to find nothing in the box. There is no substance for me to hang onto.
Making affirmations that drown out self-doubt
For dealing with self-doubt, I need to find some previous success to call on, to remind myself of past successes even if they are unrelated to the current task or challenge.
There also has to be some substance to the affirmation. Reminding myself of all the times I have proven to be capable, successful, and productive will add weight and credibility to those affirmations.
Affirmations for self-doubt will only work if they are true reminders of what one already knows. As an INFJ, I value truth so much that I must be truthful in all things — even my approach to squelching self-doubt.
I can’t just say “I would make a great vice president of the United States.” No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't make it so because I have no experience that would make me a good candidate for VP. Those affirmations would be empty words and my psyche would know it.
So, what does one do about affirming self-doubt about something that is new?
Start with the phrase that is closest to the truth
For example, when I wanted to build a blog (I had never done anything like that before) I was filled with self-doubt about my ability to set up a WordPress website.
I didn’t know anything about web hosting or even what a plugin was! I couldn’t create affirmations like “I’m a wonderful website builder” to squelch my self-doubt because my truth-sniffing psyche would sniff that out like a hound dog finding a decoy and reject it outright.
I had to focus on the skills needed to build a website and remind myself that I had some skills that I could apply to the new task. Affirmations like Mary, you are smart and have learned new skills in the past worked for me.
I kept reminding myself of how I made it through college, have two degrees, and took on jobs in the past that required a big learning curve. When I would get stuck and self-doubt would threaten to derail me, I would pull up the affirmations about being able to follow directions, do hard things, and persevere.
I eventually did build a WordPress website and started blogging. The accomplishment helped me overcome further self-doubt. Now I can add launching a WordPress website to my list when I need to remind myself that I can learn new things!
I used this same strategy when applying for a new job. I knew there would be a lot to learn but I was confident that I had the character and skill set to handle the learning curve.
Affirmation Dos and Don’ts
Create specific affirmations. Make sure there’s truth linked to the affirmations that resonate with you.
You can borrow affirmations (Loise Hayes has some to start with). Don’t use something because it works for someone else if it doesn’t resonate with you.
You can alter or change them. I follow the Louise Hayes affirmations on Facebook but sometimes I don’t feel right saying them so I tweak the wording to make it feel like my own.
You can make your own. Use keywords that resonate with you and align them to your goals, vision board, and core values.
Affirmations are not magic. Don’t think of them as charms, wishes, or magic potions. Affirmations must be grounded in truth and positivity that can be acted upon by you.
Don’t make them too vague. Vague affirmations like “you rock” or “you’re a superstar” probably won’t do much to change your thought life or attitude.
Don’t expect them to change your life without action on your part. Again, affirmations are not magic spells that when spoken will fix your marriage, find you a new job, or heal depression. They are tools that one uses with strategic action, counseling, journaling, and other steps that you take to improve your life.
Without action on your part, affirmations are just wishful thinking.
Don't confuse them with prayer or action steps. Prayer is a different animal than affirmations, although I use affirmations within my prayer time. For more ideas on prayer, check out this article.
If you are an INFJ writer, I highly recommend you add this book to your reading list: The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type, by Lauren Sapala.
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