Summary

The author advocates for sharing personal perspectives and experiences rather than generic advice to help others improve their processes and form deeper connections.

Abstract

The article emphasizes the importance of offering unique insights based on personal experiences instead of conventional advice. The author argues that practical advice, which often requires significant effort, is more beneficial in the long run than quick fixes. To effectively help someone, the author suggests understanding their priorities, embracing their faults, and highlighting the positive aspects of one's own journey. This approach not only aids the other person in their endeavors but also fosters a meaningful and lasting connection. The author believes that sharing one's own path, including the challenges and triumphs, provides a more relatable and trustworthy source of guidance.

Opinions

The author finds it challenging to give advice because the most effective advice is practical and requires effort to build trust, which many people may not be ready for.
Advice that aligns with one's own experiences and journey is considered more credible and motivating for the recipient.
Understanding the other person's priorities is crucial for providing relevant and effective guidance.
Embracing faults and having open, empathetic conversations, preferably face-to-face, is seen as more impactful than text-based communication.
Sharing positive experiences from one's own life can serve as long-term motivation and establish trust.
The author values personal connections and believes that guidance from someone known and trusted is more effective than advice from distant influencers.
Helping others is also a learning experience for the one providing assistance, as it offers insights and growth opportunities.

Advice Is Too Mainstream, Share Your Unique Perspective Instead

It helps improve the second person’s ongoing process.

What kind of advice hurts the most? The pragmatic kind, which thumps all your efforts in the dirt and tells you to start from scratch.

If you’re obstinate about your biases too much, then even simple advice will sound challenging to follow. Why? Because your staunch beliefs are developing since your childhood. They accumulate by absorbing all kinds of information in different forms: be it your parents’ talk, your relatives’ banter, you being bullied a lot in school ( sorry if it extended to college ) and being waved off in relationships.

I have a hard time advising because the best kind of advice is the practical one, the one that requires effort to build trust. No work, no assurance. And people often want short-term gratification. Dude, practice takes time. Otherwise, you would’ve learned walking from crawling in a snap when you were a baby! But you didn’t. Note that!

All frustrations aside, I trust the advice from my experience. No matter what, if I think my journey can be of help to someone, I convince them by showing my perspective in the following three ways. It also helps in making a deep lasting connection. That’s because I’m an extrovert who loves to explore people.

1. Understand the second person’s priority

It is the first question I ask, and it takes a lot of drilling down to converge to a point. Not everyone is open-minded in sharing their priorities, but when I explain that it can help solve the problem, healthy discourse happens.

For example, a person wanted to start a morning routine. And just that. No definite reason to do it. No ifs, whys and buts.

I started with this, “why do you want to do it? You look happy already!” He said, “I want to become healthy?” I said, “So does everyone! What extra efforts are you willing to put into staying consistent.”

That’s where the second person becomes a great listener. Then I give some tips that I learned by transforming my lifestyle from 6 years of night-owl behaviour to a morning person in 100 days.

2. Help embrace the fault

It is another practical aspect, which surfaces when you’re having a face-to-face conversation.

Sure, I can explain even via texting also, but if the reply isn’t quick, the emotion fades, and then we barely have the same level of serious talk again!

Words say a lot. Whenever I feel someone on the other side could use more than texting, I instantly call them and have a face-to-face interaction about what it is that they are unable to craft in words. Hugging nowadays is not so common because of the distance. But yes, nodding works. Crying works. Empathy works. Hang on, laughing works like a charm!

3. Highlight positives from your experience

This one is a long-term motivation. It’ll give the second person a strong reason to trust you because you aren’t just blurting out advice like everyone else.

You know the pros and cons of it from the first-hand experience. You know the trade-offs. You know how to sail through it effectively.

And most essential, you can help anyone in the initial journey when they follow your approach because you’ve come far and they are just starting.

You’ll see your past version in them. It will drive you mad to help despite all odds. I do this when a person who has recently started blogging asks me for some tips. They trust me because of this simple reason: I am in the 4th month of my blogging streak. So, I know what problems my friends will face in the starting.

I voluntarily support them because that’s the need in the starting. Being a helping hand requires less effort than you think. The value you show is compassion.

Final words

Advice is everywhere. Scour the profile of influencers on social media. You’ll find some great shit on how to live your best life.

But while improving your quality on the way, you can’t ping those influencers ( most of them, even those who say they check every message ) who initially gave the advice. It is the person you know who will help you throughout the journey. It can be a friend, family member or a mentor. Could be even a stranger who you’ve turned to a friend. Hi Yeva Volkova!

All that matters is the connection is close, you trust them, and you both are humble enough to respect each other’s opinion.

Advice from someone you know will work better because the insights are personal, which also evolve while guiding you. Surprisingly, I learn tonnes by helping people too!

This blog belongs to the daily writing streak I am maintaining since March 25 2020 — day 1 of nationwide lockdown. Target-1 was 21 days. Target-2 was 100. Target-3 is 150. Today is day 116. Here is the first blog that started the streak.

Thank You for reading! See you tomorrow!

~ S.