Adulting: It Never Ends

Seriously though, it is endless.

When you emerge from the controlled environment of schools and homes, the relentlessness of independent living (adulting) can be overwhelming.

It certainly takes some getting used to.

I tend to get by with the definition of “being an adult” provided by one of my elder brothers a few years ago:

Being an adult means being at peace with the fact that you’re always going to have unfinished tasks in various parts of your life.

Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to describe it.

Coming from school, for instance, the most important metric is your grades.

They affect your sense of achievement, your free time, your relationships, and more.

Do well enough in school and you can engage in other activities.

As an adult, however, your “grades” are as varied as your monthly bills.

You have to keep up with work.

You have to maintain and deepen personal relationships.

You have to look after your total well-being.

If you have a passion project on the side, that needs some attention too.

The truth is this:

At the beginning (and the middle), you can’t simultaneously do well in all the areas of your life that matter. You’ll have high grades in some, and dismal grades in others. You know what? That’s okay.

If everything matters at the same time, then nothing matters.

You aren’t omnipresent nor omnipotent. You have to prioritize a few areas at a time.

Work on them till they get to a satisfactory level (mind you, I didn’t say optimum or perfect) and then face the other areas.

Rinse and repeat.

You can only give attention to so many things at once and still get satisfactory results.

When you are working on your As and Bs, don’t get bothered by another person’s progress in their Ds. For all you know, they are tackling their issues in a different order to yours.

In getting your act together, your only serious competition is yourself.

I know it can be difficult especially with the “delayed feedback” that is a part of adult life.

What do I mean by delayed feedback?

Let me use school life as a comparison once more.

As a student, you get instant feedback.

You see the results of your work as grades. You have a good idea of where you stand at all times.

In real life? Not so much. For example,

• The repercussions of an unhealthy lifestyle are obvious only years after the fact.
• Positive actions in a relationship take time before they affect relationship dynamics.
• Learning a skill may not yield decent results for several months.

The list is endless.

While you might correctly argue that some actions have very immediate results, I believe you will agree that the life you have today is the result of several choices (tests) that have been made over time.

Unlike school, you didn’t get results quickly and that’s why certain behaviors weren’t reinforced or corrected at the best time.

So how does delayed feedback relate to the endlessness of adult life? Well…

Your life today is a complex web of circumstances formed by choices that were made over the years. In some areas, you have been able to weave beautiful, neat patterns. Some areas meanwhile are extremely messy and tangled. Either way, it’s going to take time to untangle those places just like it took you time to get there in the first place.

So, take a breather.

Accept the success that you are in some areas.

Accept the failure that you are in others.

It’s fine.

As long as you keep at it, you’ll learn to untangle life at your own pace.