THE SALSA DIARIES #4
Adorable Japanese Cat Thinks He’s A Dog but is Really Marley K
The tail is wagging the dog
“You’re cat looks depressed.” A rather blanket statement from the one-eyed Janet, former sex-fiend to the under-privilege and reality star of ‘I’ve Lost An Eyeball At Work’. She hadn’t been the same since the summer of 2010. Back then she was an optimistic woman who had two eyes and a savior complex.
“What do you mean Janet?” I asked back. I hated people who claimed to have an affinity with animals. The horse whisperers are plain weird. I was never into sleeping with pets even if I did occasionally like to stroke a python. Janet had that new-age glow of one who knows.
“You can tell by the way she sits staring into space…almost as if she had a longing…” Yeah. A longing to be long gone from this conversation. I blame Marley K. I met her for lunch a year ago and she seriously spooked my cat.
It was to be one of the longest, most depressing lunches I had ever attended in my life. Another lover of animals, Marley had stared deep into Velvet’s eyes and then slowly crushed her spirit. Her endless chatter of impending doom had done a number on my adopted cat.
It began with the eggs. One long diatribe on the over-easy nature of life and how the egg represented the sad state of America. Once proudly sheathed in eggshell, only to be cracked and split apart as the yoke wobbled inside the white system of oppression. And then it got fried. Unable to break free of it’s crusty and aged patriarchal lining as it slowly cooked from the inside. A white rage that destroyed everything in its path.
You can imagine how the desert went.
Marley held Velvet aloft and forwarned her of the white man's oppression that would decimate the feline population. No cat was safe while whitey was busy erecting the purrfect system of inequality.
“Yes my dear, all white people are racist to cats,” she cooed to Velvet before she looked at me with that ‘I’ve had an inspiring thought’ moment. Little did I know, this anti-cat statement would form the basis of her entire thesis on race and systemic injustice.
Back at the Chateaux, Janet was in the process of trying to cheer Velvet up. Since Velvet had transitioned, the only activity she longed to do was lick her own balls. Unfortunately, they were long gone along with her need to hump every neighborhood pussy in sight. She truly was depressed. And angry. I was about to warn Janet not to get too close as Velvet seared with rage against white people, especially ‘Karens’.
It was too late of course.
Janet was about to suffer another workplace incident that involved an animal and loss of an eye.
More Salsa Diaries in the multiverse crossover of Medium publications:
Janet loses an eye at the weekly marketing meeting
TimHerring haunts my writer's retreat
Hilly, our best racist
