ADHD Diary: The Mischief Maker
“I swear there was a portal in that man’s office. When I walked out, I ended up in another universe, I’m somewhere else. The whole world is weird, and there’s such a strong wind blowing right now. Whenever strange things happen in my life, it always seems to be on windy days. Remember when I moved to old town and got hit by a storm?”
“Were you a bit of a mischief-maker as a child?”
Nah…
Cripes! I bet he’s about to ask if I’m hyperactive!
“And what about your teenage years?”
Nope. I was anything but a well-behaved teenager, it just wasn’t in my nature. Not that I was particularly naughty, but my folks were awfully strict, so there’s that…
“What do you do for a living?”
Well… You know. I write. I’m an author and an editor.
“And what other jobs do you have?”
This guy must be a fortune teller, or perhaps a wickedly skilled psychiatrist. No wonder ‘Professor’ is affixed to his name. He’s learned… I do have other jobs, yes. This and that… How did you know?
“Typically, this condition mostly can be diagnosed in women around their mid-thirties. As a child, you were probably told to behave more than boys, leading to mental hyperactivity. The reason you have twenty issues racing through your mind at once is due to this. It’s a classic ADHD scenario.”
I realize I’ve been twiddling my ring from one finger to another as we’ve been talking. There’s a figurine on his desk, similar to one I’ve seen in my former boss’s office, just a size larger.
The windows are just like those in Ali’s office. Everything looks like something else. The sun begins to glare into my eyes. The professor picks up a remote and starts lowering the blinds, stopping when the shadow touches my shoulders.
“I’m actually quite interested in psychology, particularly neurobiology. I research and write on these topics. The brain is such a fascinating thing, the nervous system…”
“Yours is a bit different. Let’s say your circuits are connected in a different way. I’m sure you’ve read about neurodiversity.”
I’m certain I have. Allow me a moment, I’m feeling a bit strange. I’ve just found out that I’ve been misdiagnosed every time I’ve knocked on a psychiatrist’s door. I’ve heard from a friend who learned he was autistic at 40, it’s a bit disorientating…
The man nearly promises I’ll feel better. He insists I take the prescribed medication without fail, and to call him immediately if something feels odd. He doesn’t explain how I’ll know if something feels odd. After about an hour, I emerge from the session (or portal), immediately calling my closest friend:
“I swear there was a portal in that man’s office. When I walked out, I ended up in another universe, I’m somewhere else. The whole world is weird, and there’s such a strong wind blowing right now. Whenever strange things happen in my life, it always seems to be on windy days. Remember when I moved to old town and got hit by a storm?”
How will I know if something’s off when everything’s already so peculiar?
At the age of 36, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. That’s the short story, it’s known as ADHD but the name doesn’t really describe the situation.
This is a type of neurodevelopmental situation, encompassing much more than just disorders related to attention and movement. I’ve spent a year thinking about how to explain it and I’m still not sure, but it seems like a good idea to start somewhere. Shall we give it a go?
For years, recurring depression, the inability to keep a job or maintain a relationship, being highly functional when I’m in the mood but then becoming incapacitated when I’m not, and increasingly feeling like an alien, have led me to the doorstep of this professor and to this portal. Turns out, everything has an explanation.
The interesting part is, there’s a solution too.
I hope by sharing my journey here, I can prevent someone from feeling like an alien for 36 years.
Welcome to my ADHD diary.