ADHD Diaries: How the Hell Did I Get Here?

Here’s how I learned to embrace my neurodivergent brain and craft a life of my own making.

Growing up in a conservative Muslim family, there was a particular life script my mother had envisioned for me: be a decent girl, study if you wish, get married, and have kids. Hyperactivity was definitely not part of that picture, especially not for a “big” little girl like me. The emotional toll of these expectations on my mental health growing up was immense.

Fast forward to college, where it took me a decade to earn my diploma. My marriage ended in divorce just two years later. But here’s the kicker: My psychiatrist actually congratulated me for these “achievements,” reminding me that such feats are monumental for someone like me.

What a paradigm shift.

At first, the diagnosis felt like the ultimate “Ah-ha!” moment, offering explanations for everything that had ever gone wrong in my life. Then, anger set in: Why me? How the hell did I get here? Will I ever truly accomplish anything?

Taking my doctor’s advice to heart, I began by celebrating myself for simply making it through three-plus decades of life.

That’s when my understanding of success started to shift.

How to Have a Routine with ADHD

The pandemic became an unexpected catalyst for self-discovery. Even before I knew about my ADHD, I sensed that neglecting self-care would be my downfall. I maximized my quarantine days: I learned to play the ukulele, honed my guitar skills, immersed myself in watercolors and drawing, worked like there was no tomorrow, and even took up baking. I was like a plant in panic mode, blooming all at once as if the world were ending.

Building a routine without understanding its necessity for my neurodivergent brain was challenging. But those little “dopamine boosters,” like my nightly “done” lists, worked wonders. Within just a few days, my brain started guiding me to seek out those dopamine-inducing activities.

Creating your own dopamine sources

Instead of agonizing over long “to-do” lists, I’ve switched to “done” lists that I complete each night before bed. Unknown to me at the time, this was fueling my dopamine reserves. Going to bed with a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small, not only fed my wellbeing but also set the stage for the next day’s tasks — reinforcing the idea that it’s okay if everything isn’t perfect; I will accomplish something somehow.

Life is certainly smoother now, thanks to medication. My heartfelt thanks go out to my doctor for the game-changing treatment he prescribed.

At the end of the day, crafting a routine is an individual journey. What works for me might not work for you, but the core principle remains the same: acknowledge the idiosyncrasies of your neurodivergent brain and adapt. My journey from a scripted life to one of self-discovery has been tumultuous but rewarding.

ADHD has been a defining facet of my life, often throwing curveballs but also serving as an unlikely teacher. Whether it’s unlearning preconceived notions of success or embracing the stabilizing force of routines, my ADHD journey is one of continuous learning and growth. And while the roadmap is uniquely mine, the markers along the way — a diagnosis, a new understanding of success, dopamine-boosting strategies, and effective medication — offer guideposts that could well serve anyone navigating the turbulent waters of ADHD.

The Takeaway

Celebrate Your Achievements: Consistently feeling like “I did nothing, again” can be demoralizing. The neurodivergent brain craves validation, so if no one else is going to give it to you, make sure to celebrate yourself, irrespective of the size of your accomplishments.

Seek Professional Guidance: Hearing a qualified medical professional affirm that “it’s okay and NORMAL to be like this” can be transformative. If you haven’t already, consider seeking help.

Start with Small Wins: Struggling to establish a routine is a common dilemma. The key is to start small and build from there. Whether it’s drinking a large glass of water every morning or making your bed, celebrate these small wins. Your consistency will improve over time.

Remain Adaptable: A routine doesn’t mean adhering to an unbending schedule. Be mindful of your evolving needs. For me, recognizing the fluctuations in my monthly cycle and adapting to them was a game-changing insight.

By embracing these principles, I’ve been able to navigate the complexities of life with ADHD more smoothly. And while each person’s experience is unique, these markers — seeking professional help, understanding the importance of daily wins, and maintaining flexibility — can serve as signposts for anyone looking to better understand and manage their neurodivergence.

I’ll be sharing more stories about how I cope and manage with ADHD — lessons learned, strategies tested, and epiphanies experienced. Keep in touch!