Humor, Satire, Netflix

Addicted to Netflix? 40 Signs.

Take the quiz to see if you’re hooked.

Since the onset of the pandemic, Netflix binging has become a mental health concern and disrupts people worldwide by causing anxiety, irritability, procrastination, anticipation, memory loss, grumpiness, sleepless nights, escapism, eye bags, constant yawning, isolation, and nightly cravings for sugar and potato chips.

People who binge-watch Netflix may suffer from a debilitating addiction known as NFAD (Netflix Addiction Disorder) and may exhibit the following signs or symptoms.

Take this quiz, keep track of the symptoms you exhibit, and calculate your score at the end of this article.

40 Signs of NFAD (Netflix Addiction Disorder):

1. You fall asleep with the clicker in your hand.
2. When you wake up, startled that you missed half of the episode — you force yourself to stay awake and finish the episode but can’t remember what happened during the first half (because you were so exhausted) and restart the episode.
3. After watching a complete series, google the show and see if there will be another season.
4. Get pissed off at the producers because you finished the last season, which ended with an unexplainable cliffhanger.
5. Consider writing to Netflix producers to demand another season because you’re dying to know WTF happened to the lead character and why he did that to her. Still, you don’t know how to contact Netflix or whether Netflix is the appropriate channel to direct your inquiry, so you don’t bother making a complaint.
6. Google the characters' and actors' names to find out information about their personal lives and wonder if you still have a “chance” with them if the characters are still single.
7. Start calling out random names of characters of different shows you’re currently watching — in your sleep.
8. Shout out at the characters on screen using random phrases such as, “Stop! Don’t do it! WTF are you doing? Don’t you get it? Don’t go there. OMG, why are you such an a-hole? Yes! No! Why? Huh? Duh! Choose her, not her!”
9. Get mad at the characters for making wrong choices.
10. Get mad at the characters for acting out of character.
11. Get mad at the characters for repeating mistakes.
12. If you don’t like how a particular show ends, re-write the plot and story in your own head while you’re lying awake in bed.
13. Fantasize about being one of your favorite characters.
14. Fantasize about being in bed with one of your favorite characters.
15. Fantasize that you bump into one of the characters, and he invites you for lunch because you’re his biggest fan.
16. During the lunch, you realize he’s an actor and completely different than the role he plays. You get confused, disorientated, and lose your appetite.
17. Frequently see the Netflix screen prompt “Are you still watching?” and press “continue” to keep watching (but seem bewildered that so much time has passed.)
18. You wish your children would go to bed already so that you can watch Netflix.
19. You wish your partner would go to bed already, so you can stay up late and binge-watch whatever you want and eat candy and chips (in private.)
20. Wonder why you and your partner never spend time together anymore — you don’t even watch Netflix together.
21. Decide to watch “just one more episode” and end up watching the whole series.
22. Get mad at yourself for not saving the finale for the next night because now you have to “waste time” scrolling through hundreds of Netflix titles to decide what to watch next.
23. Wonder why you’re so tired in the morning even though you know you stayed awake until 2 am watching Netflix.
24. Promise yourself you won’t watch any Netflix tonight.
25. Break your promise and watch Netflix tonight.
26. Let your kids stay up one hour past their bedtime because you also can’t wait to watch the next episode of “insert show title here.”
27. Slap yourself the next morning because your kids are grumpy because they didn’t get enough sleep.
28. Feel guilty that your kids are getting too much screen time.
29. Blame yourself for becoming a bad role model when it comes to disciplining your kids for screen time.
30. Try to limit screen time in your house for everyone, and then give up after day 3 because you’re dying for a dose of Netflix.
31. Think to yourself that you’re “in control” and can give up Netflix cold turkey anytime, but when your partner threatens to cancel Netflix, you get itchy, bitchy, agitated, and experience couch withdrawal.
32. Start crying uncontrollably and confess that Netflix is your only “downtime” and you “still need it right now because you’re having a hard time” so that your partner won’t cancel Netflix.
33. Contemplate how much time you wasted watching Netflix that could’ve been spent productively on anything else.
34. Contemplate some more while you watch Netflix for 2+ hours and wonder why your house is so messy, the dishes and laundry are piling up, and nothing is getting done.
35. Instead of giving up Netflix, promise yourself to multi-task by folding laundry, doing squats, and jumping jacks while you watch.
36. Multi-task for 3 days and then decide that this “particular series” needs your undivided attention and give up on laundry, squats, and jumping jacks, but convince yourself that eating popcorn and candy during Netflix is the gateway to good multitasking.
37. Feel both proud and embarrassed that you know more about the characters in your favorite Netflix series than you do about the politicians in your own city or country.
38. Tell people that you “don’t watch TV” (because you don’t, you only watch Netflix.)
39. When you’re asked which Netflix shows are good to watch, you can rattle off 19 Shows to Watch without pausing.
40. Your last words to yourself of every single night are “just one more…”

Add up the above symptoms. If you exhibit:

1–5 symptoms: You enjoy Netflix occasionally, but can take it or leave it and still play outdoors. However, if you’re intrigued by a particular series, you choose to spend your time watching it indoors, rather than going outside.

You don’t have a problem, yet.

6–13 symptoms: You like Netflix, but you can skip a week without suffering anxiety or withdrawal. But when day 8 comes around, you realize you don’t know what your classmates or co-workers are chatting about when they’re talking about your favorite series. You nod and pretend to follow along, but you’re desperate to go home. You’re tempted to explain to your teacher or boss that you’re suddenly feeling ill so that you can go home to catch-up on your show, but realize there’s only an hour left of the day and stick it out.

You may have a problem. Keep yourself in check, moderate the frequency and duration of your Netflix habit. If you feel tempted to skip out on school or work, call a friend for help to talk you out of it or find someone you trust who doesn’t watch Netflix — if possible.

14–31 symptoms: You’re a big fan of Netflix, insist you don’t have a problem but can’t go more than 1 day without it. You’re already planning in your head what show to watch next and picking out which snacks to eat. When your friends invite you to a Zoom session to chat and catch-up tonight, you politely decline and say that you hate Zoom and that you’re taking a break from screens.

You devote your entire evening to Netflix, laugh because you “ got away” by deceiving your friends. You skip dinner, eat Cheetos and candy bars, drink Coke, and binge-watch until 2 am without pressing pause, leaving the couch, or going to the washroom.

You have a problem. You must relieve yourself and go to the washroom. Cheetos and candy bars may provide calcium (does fake cheese count?) and energy, but they offer little nutrition. Get off the couch, reach out to your friends via Zoom and seek professional help.

32–40 symptoms: You love Netflix and watch it every evening, all day on the weekends. You loathe being away from the remote. The characters from your favorite shows randomly appear in your house. They’re sitting beside you, in the kitchen, poking around in the fridge, or washing their hands in the washroom while you’re using the toilet.

You think the characters are real because you can hear their voices clearly in your head, but it’s only because you forgot that you’re wearing wireless headphones. You talk back to the characters but think they’re rude when they don’t respond. When you watch the last episode of your favorite series and have run out of good shows to watch, you cradle the remote in your arms like a baby and cry yourself to sleep.

You’re hooked and have NFAD (Netflix Addiction Disorder). Turn off Netflix, open the curtains, brush your teeth, have a shower (I know it’s been a while), go for a walk, and get some sunshine. You need to seek professional help right away for your addiction. Your NFAD therapist will walk you through how to disable your tv, dismantle your headphones and pry yourself away from the couch.

It will be a cold turkey fix, and you may experience mild to severe Netflix withdrawal side effects, such as boredom, shock, irritability, anger, fatigue from opening the door to leave the house for your prescribed fresh air, and sensitivity to sunlight. You may experience random phantom pain and odd thumb trembling in your dominant hand (used to control the remote) whenever you wake up.

If treatment is successful, you will be allowed to watch ONE Netflix episode per week on the same day and time. Choose your show carefully, pay attention and savor every minute. Remember — you must wait one full week until you watch the next episode (just like the good old cable TV days).

Note: If you watch more than one episode per week, your Netflix privileges will be removed indefinitely, and you will never be able to find your remote — ever.

Readers: If you know anyone who may be suffering from any of the above symptoms, please send them this quiz — in between episodes. The author of this article has no medical credentials or experience and has no connections to the Netflix industry. She is a recovering NFAD survivor and would like to shed sunlight on this disorder. Let go of the clicker — it’s time to play outside.

Question: What’s your score?

About the Author: Mary Chang is an award-winning short story fiction writer, published memoir article writer, blogger, and newbie Medium writer striving to become a better human, parent & writer. Her stories are inspired by exercise, humor & people. Fueled by cartwheels, laughter, and Netflix. Check out her blog at marychangstorywriter.com.