There is always a choice of Hope in Struggle

Achievement Unlocked — An Opportunity to Gain Tolerance and Strength Once More

I got diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety!

Why don’t we celebrate all that life ushers for us, even if it is bad! Does it matter if we let us get down in the dumps for this?

No, we never should.

Instead, let us diverge upon the fascinating subject of depression and anxiety that has plagued my life but I have never let it broke me down. Why you might ask; I don’t have the luxury to spend time wallowing in pain, instead I decided to write this meanwhile having a headache that just doesn’t wanna go.

So let it do its role, meanwhile, I’m focusing on writing something that does inspire you to grab depression by the balls, and make it your bitch.[apologies in advance]

The more you write something, read it afterward every day the easier, the fear and effect of it all disappears thus I decided to write all my anxiety out, every day.

I have been suffering from the symptoms of depression for a while, though most of the time I was able to cure myself of it, as I don’t let it control me or my choices for that matter, as my resolve to do something otherwise is much stronger.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

I have high pain tolerance, built after experiencing many painful situations involving accidents, wounds, and even death itself. Though neither one has given me depression, a whole lot of pain, that I fairly survived through with ease perhaps until one unfaithful day.

You can either writhe in agony or wing it, I choose the latter!

There have been times, where I have experienced severe depression but it all hit its melting point when it came from the people close to me, from where I never expected, from the hope that kept me alive all those years — yes the people you love and gain your hope from, your family.

Everything just was too much for the dear old mind, the fuse blew, and with it did the years of absorbing the negativity and stress that just desecrated many people in its path upon its expulsion.

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” — Richard Puz

Thus, it brought a very dire year, I should say where every night would be the same followed by sharp headaches, and pretty throbbing pain, that I bore I might say, but it took a lot of patience and oofs if I’m being frankly honest. It became harder to control, i.e. the triggers that were caused by the emotional outbursts, though I tried changing my lifestyle now and then to adjust it and it worked for a while.

But it doesn’t mean that the headaches stopped, at times they would feel like a light sensation in the head, for longer periods, but I frankly didn’t pay attention, and thus I was able to overcome it. Though I know some people might have a hard time dealing with such a pain, and they might even get impulsive but the trick is to use that energy to good use.

“I’m ADD and psychic. I know things ahead of time but lose track of which is which.” ― S. Kelley Harrell

Thus, I did what I could and used all of that energy to tire myself out usually, it takes a lot of time, as I’m a very hyperactive guy, thus I usually do 10 to 15 things on average to dissipate my stress, I find it fascinating and savoring the multi-tasking abilities I have and I put them to good use whenever these headaches arrive.

Last year, perhaps it wasn’t all that bad, to be honest. You can fairly imagine it was painful, but it wasn’t hard unlike 2020, where the entire years have been a rollercoaster of sadness and depression for me losing one loved one after the other. Recently, I lost my grandmother — she practically was dying in my arms.

I wrote a poem to write my pain away and following other things as well as a reminder for the struggle my beloved grandmother faced all her old age lifetime. This perhaps was the tipping point that my headaches, started to cause me much distress than before that would be needed to be consulted with a doctor.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” ― Mae West

I could have gone to the doctor before, but as Covid-19 happened, I was advised to stay indoors to avoid the infection, and thus I had to wing it again until yesterday, that it became severe. So I contacted a family doctor, whom my grandmother used to visit.

And thus I visited and consulted within private, therefore after checking all my symptoms and my past patient history, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, though being fairly honest, it doesn’t feel like anything I can’t handle.

I have perhaps normalized feeling this way, for over a year now. It was just a day ago, it became worse because of yet another emotional trauma that I have received, and that triggered the severity of the symptoms.

But being honest is all, as my psychiatrist congratulated me, on the fact that I have strong willpower and tolerance. He said to me that everything can be dealt with accordingly if you pursue a fresher perspective towards the downs of life, and do entirely the opposite of what it might offer.

He was fairly happy and overjoyed to hear my perspective, and in the end, we shared a laugh when I cracked a joke about shrinks and that was probably the highlight of the day.

Life is all but moments of laughter and joy, when you know how to crack a joke.

It eased the atmosphere, and also set the tone for a friendship between two people all the while I was suffering from a slight headache, which I still have even written at this moment.

Why am I not worried about my mental illness?

Well to be fair, there are many things in life that you should accept and this is one of those situations, it might not go as planned but it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun while you’re at it.

It’s all a matter of perspective, there is much you can do even when anxious and depressed, trust me I have been through enough in life, for a life that is still just a quarter of a mile, but in that time I have experienced many that most experience their entire lifetimes.

You are the one who chooses who you want to become, or want to experience. Time is just a necessity but you can do a myriad of things even in the smallest of time frames.

“You see, the point is that the strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.” ― Henrik Ibsen

It seems like an accomplishment, I have Depression and Anxiety, Woohoo! I’m cheerful, that perhaps people who used to cause my triggers would probably realize and feel some shame perhaps to never do the things they did with me to anyone else. I’m writing this because I want to, as laying down on my bed is more depressive and sad than walking a mile, talking to a friend, or even writing something from the heart.

You should know this, there are many options you can choose right now, and trust me the only one that matters is your well being, so try, try again to choose the choices that provide you with solace and comfort, it might not come with the first time or the last time, it just lies somewhere between your choices and the outcomes they bring.

You will find it, through patience and a little bit of intuition perhaps some improvisation is needed to clear your head of these worries.

Even though I have suffered enough, I believe that this opportunity is going to provide me with the chance to build more tolerance and resilience that will help me move mountains in the distant future. But right now, while I’m in the present — I’m sending words of warmth and strength towards you as we’re both in this together.

“There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.”― Audre Lorde

Let’s pick each other up through sharing our words of strength so that each one of us gets to experience the peace of mind that lies ahead — just like the peace of mind I’m experiencing right now after writing my feelings away.

Godspeed and God Bless You!