Acceptance

The friend guideline

A friend is someone you want to have in your life. Someone who adds value.

Oxford says, “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual respect, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.”

In high school, I had several “friends.” I wouldn’t say I liked some of them, but we were all members of the Counts Hi-Y (YMCA) club. By the time we were seniors, we had been “friends” for three years. It was now time to decide who you wanted to be friends with.

John and Jud became the guys from the club; then, there were two others that I played sports with. That was it: four guys and one girl.

Fast forward just four years. I was returning from the war and moving home with a wife and son. We had a medium-sized trailer containing all that we owned. I needed help. I called on John to help me move. The conversation went like this:

“Hey, DR, welcome home. I hoped we could get together this weekend and catch up (John didn’t serve in the military).” I said, “I love to. How about this: my wife and I need some help moving into our new apartment. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. Could we do that together and then go out for dinner?”

To my surprise, John said, “I don’t do moving.” I said, “What does that mean?” He said, “I decided some time ago that I wasn’t going to help anyone move. I don’t do moving.” I was stunned. I reminded him of our years of friendship and how we’d been there for each other. He stuck to his decision. After we hung up, we didn’t speak for almost twenty years when he looked me up.

He apologized and asked me to invest substantially into a new business he wanted to start. I decided not to based on his plan. He saw it as spite. We haven’t talked since. It’s now more than thirty years later.

The initial mistake was mine. I’ve learned that we choose our friends, and we must accept them (once chosen) for who they are.

It was not his job to be my mover. I should have respected his decision. I did not. It cost me a friend. I’ve never let that happen again.

At my age, I still have precisely four friends that I absolutely know I can count on. If I asked, they would be here tomorrow. I probably wouldn’t even have to ask.

Three besides my wife, who is my best friend. I’ve learned that I can’t control our friendship. I can, however, be the best friend they’ve ever had. I look out for them. I look for ways to help them get ahead, do more, be more, or whatever they need. I’m here to help in any way I can. I expect absolutely NOTHING in return. That’s my definition of friendship.

Wisdom: When it comes to a friend you’ve chosen, always give more without the thought of a return.

Within the pages of the Dancing Elephants Press publication are stories that will change your life. Stories that will improve the quality of your life and those around you. They will also help you understand how you fit into this beautiful world we all enjoy. I want to suggest the following:

Garima Sharma has managed to bundle some truths and wisdom into a poem that should be read by everyone over the age of twelve at least once a year. See if you agree:

Libby Shively McAvoy talks about converting one emotion into another. That conversion process is accurate. Finding what works for you will help you achieve a more significant life balance. This is a great thought piece:

This has been one of many lessons on wisdom — insight you may or may not have. Please subscribe. Ask yourself, “Can you ever have too much wisdom?”

Thanks for reading,

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©DR Rawson