About Me — Malky McEwan
10 semi-interesting facts about me
Favourite quote
“It’s okay to be uninformed. It is not okay to be uninformed and have an opinion.” — Malky McEwan (circa 2014)
Little old me
- I retired in my 40s and now work on raising a sceptical eyebrow at piss poor politicians — someone has to do it.
- I’m ultra-resilient. Super rooted — like a giant sequoia. I can bend but I won’t break. You can trip me up, but I’ll get back to my feet. My dad knocked that into me.
- I’m a time traveller. It’s not how they portray it in films and books , it’s like this.
- I stared death in the face and survived. Well, it looked like death, it could have been someone in a Halloween costume. Still, I’m less inclined to take myself seriously, don’t you take me seriously, either.
- I wrote a book. People liked it, so I wrote another two. And followed them up with the №1 guide to Scotland. I am looking forward to reading them.
- I have published nine quizzes, lateral thinking, and games books on Kindle — No. I wasn’t bored. They are for a good cause.
- ‘McEwan’ means — strong, ethical, driven, hard-working, honest, and upstanding.
- ‘Malky’ means — not very.
- I never cheat at anything. Cheaters never win. Come to think of it, neither do I. Maybe I do cheat?
- If I were to have my life over again, I would do everything exactly the same. Except for asking out the most beautiful girl in our school or being friends with people who liked The Girl on The Train.
- I’d give every penny I have to be a millionaire.
- I’m not brilliant at maths.
My beliefs
- Relationships should not be based solely on the desire to have someone to look at while you are eating.
- Everything in moderation — including sobriety.
- If your jobbie looks like a cock and balls and your partner doesn’t laugh when you show them, I bet they’re no fun in bed.
- Superstitions are fodder for the idiots of this world. I hope I never believe in anything as inane as those — touch wood.
Why am I on Medium?
Please tell me if you know.
On writing
I can turn steak into beefburgers — fortunately, some people like beefburgers.
My life purpose
One day, I will write a novel
That will make you want to read on
Rather than call a plumber
To have your drains unblocked.
I’m not sure why that is important to me. I mean, you can get your drains unblocked and come back to my novel any time.
I write upside-down stories.
I write stories with a twist, whether that be a funny ending or a surprising revelation. These have a setup. It’s the way of all mysteries, jokes, knowledge, and bats.
