About Me — A ‘Divina Grey’ Update
“Always remember where you are going and never forget where you’ve been.” — My fortune cookie from lunch last week.
One year later, I still can’t think of a better way to introduce myself than to tell you what I’m wearing, the last ten songs I listened to on Spotify, what I had for dinner tonight, and what I did right before I ate that spicy and scrumptious dinner.
- I’m wearing my son’s old P.E. uniform (baggy navy blue sweats and a hoodie) because I miss him and his face so much, and I haven’t seen him or my daughter in four days.
- “Praying” by Kesha, “Burn One Down” by Ben Harper, “Winter Song” by Sara Bareilles, “Elastic Heart” by Sia, “21 Guns” by Green Day, “Since You Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson (sorry, not sorry), “Keep Ya Head Up” by 2Pac, “Gimme Shelter” by The Rolling Stones, “Who Can It Be Now” by Men At Work, and “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon.
- Realgood brand mini Cheddar cheese Enchiladas with red sauce, rolled in a chicken and Monterey Jack cheese “tortilla.” It was delicious, low carb, and the perfect spice I was looking for tonight! (I’m a simple woman — mostly.)
- A twenty-mile bike ride with my Road Dawg. There were multiple uphill battles and heart-to-hearts in between. We don’t call it ‘Super Cycling Sunday’ for nothin’!
Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, I thought of one more item I wanted to add to this preliminary list : You can find a lot ‘About Me’ on my key chain.
What’s currently on my key chain?
- My car key, a broken car key fob (that’s been mickey-moused back onto my key chain), my house key, the key to my wooden chest filled with my old journal ramblings, and a key to my heavy-duty U-lock bike lock.
Also for the record, the featured picture of me is old, but it is the best representation of who I am on the inside and out.
Where Do I Begin?
I haven’t published anything on this platform for almost two months.
I’ve been on a bit of a “sabbatical.” However, what I’ve been doing with my time away has hardly felt like rest.
Allow me to elaborate: I am in my fifth week of completing my Clinical Medical Assisting Externship. And a month before that, I wrapped up my Phlebotomy Externship.
I am both grateful and exhausted in equal measure, and nope, I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
I don’t know where I’m going. But I know for damn sure I will get there.
I’ll admit, part of me hasn’t made time to publish anything on this platform. And the other part of me has been too depressed and stressed to let it all out on these stark white pages — until tonight.
Thanks to Jan Sebastian, I was reminded of an old piece I published last year that would be a perfect way to not only spice things up but to kill two freaking birds with one single stone!
The Proust Questionnaire Comin’ In Hot!
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Divorcing my (ex) husband while simultaneously still loving him with all my heart. Two years have passed, the dust has settled, and the other night I realized that I am still very much in love with the father of my children.
And I will never be with him again.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I. Don’t. Know. That’s an answer (my therapist told me so). I suppose all I can say about the answer to this question is my idea of ‘perfect happiness’ changes frequently, but a few themes that keep resurfacing for me are: knowing my kids are healthy, happy, and safe, I’m financially stable, a hot cup of coffee in my left hand, and a pen in my right.
Is that too much to ask?
What is your current state of mind?
Surrendering. Accepting. Peaceful. Closing Doors; Opening Others. And Moving Forward Fearlessly.
I will now attempt to break this ten-minute read up with a picture of my one-eyed cat, Esme, aka Ezzi.
What is your favorite occupation?
This answer is still the same as the first round: Hands down, being a mom. Forever. Now, what’s my favorite paying occupation? A Nurse.
What is your most treasured possession?
It’s a toss-up between my Orangewood guitar that my brother gave me, my classical nylon-string guitar that my dad gifted me, and my Little-Engine-That-Could Toyota Scion Xb. That car has been so good to me for sixteen years. And its kept my babies safe and sound for twelve of those sixteen years.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Myself. My knee-jerk (and honest) response would have been my ex-husband twenty years ago. Twelve years ago, I would have named my firstborn baby boy, and nine years ago, I would have put my daughter (the other light of my life). Today? I choose Me. I learned the hard way that I am nothing to anyone else if I’m not in love with myself first.
What is your favorite journey?
The one I’m on right now. A journey of self-discovery. A journey of single motherhood with a twelve and nine-year-old. A journey of a writer, a Healthcare employee, and one of the kindest, funniest, most empathetic humans you’ll ever meet that turns forty in seven months.
What is your most marked characteristic?
- Physically: I’m going to say it — my butt.
- Personality-wise: my sense of humor and empathetic nature.
When and where were you the happiest?
Sitting on my bed on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee with my ex-husband, watching my kids run down the hall to my bedside. And when I was capturing this picture on my phone because it was in this moment that I knew my kids and I were going to be okay after the divorce.
What is it that you most dislike?
GETTING A DIVORCE.
What is your greatest fear?
GETTING ANOTHER DIVORCE.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Paying over $100 for a solid pair of Nike shoes to workout in every day. Oh, and that one time I bought a voice-over app for this platform. *eye roll* What a rip-off.
Which living person do you most despise?
Anyone convicted (or not but is still guilty, and they know it) of sex trafficking, sexual assault, or abuse of any caliber.
What is your greatest regret?
Not realizing my ex-husband and I weren’t on the same page before marrying him. And not admitting to myself that our fundamental value system was cattywampus.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I certainly didn’t see this one coming: I would like to have a black belt in Taekwondo or be a high-ranking Muay Thai fighter. This desire may or may not be related to post-divorce rage or my thirst for intense physical activity.
Where would you like to live?
My top three places I would like to reside in are: #1.) San Diego or Santa Cruz for their coastal beauty and laid-back vibes. #2.) Hawaii for its warm white sand in between my toes and tranquil islands where I’d become a full-time freelance writer, and #3.) Seattle for its wide-open arms to my hopes and dreams of busking stardom. And #3 1/2.) Anywhere — as long as it was in one of those Tiny Houses because I am in love with the concept of Minimalism and not spending my entire life paying for something I can’t take with me when I die. I also love the thought of leaving the money in the bank for my kids instead.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Quiet nights spent sipping tea and writhing in agony from missing my kids.
“Isn’t that great!? I mean, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!” — Rachel Green, Friends
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Empathy, Kindness, Accountability, Vulnerability, the ability to self-reflect, and a whole lot of humor. Oh, one more (and kind of a big one I tend to forget) — R.E.S.P.E.C.T (find out what it means to me).
*Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me*
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Copy and paste the answer from the question above.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My social anxiety. If any of my new coworkers are reading this, thank you for being so patient and understanding. I’m not a spaz — I swear. I’m just going through a tricky transition right now, and my confidence is at an all-time low.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Self-centeredness. And while I’m here, emotional immaturity is difficult for me to deal with too. I am confident in my level of empathy for all humans, but what I’m trying to say is that my kindness is no longer my weakness.
“I think I’ve had enough I might get a little drunk I say what’s on my mind I might do a little time ’Cause all of my kindness Is taken for weakness
Now I’m four, five seconds from wildin’ And we got three more days ’til Friday I’m just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin’ I swear I wish somebody would tell me Ooh, that’s all I want.”
—FourFiveSeconds by Paul McCartney, Rihanna, and Kayne West
What do you value most in your friends?
I value friends that have the same values as I do. And I love their individuality in equal measure.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
T-800 in The Terminator movie. Am I alone on this one? I always thought he was such an invincible badass — one of the greatest Villains and Heroes! I can’t decide which fantasy I’d rather entertain: The one where I am as fierce and unstoppable as the Terminator played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or the one where this character saves me, and we ride off in the sunset on his Harley Davidson. (in a platonic kind of way, thank you very much.)
Whose are your heroes in real life?
There are lots of sky-high (and mainly unrealistic) expectations that come along with the word ‘Hero.’ Here is a list of the people I deeply admire in real life instead: My parents, my kids, my cousin, my brother, Nurses, Certified Nursing Assistants, Teachers, Police Officers, (First Responders in general) and anyone who puts their and their family’s health and fitness first.
Which living person do you most admire?
Out of the list above, the people I most admire are Teachers. Because #1.) It always goes back to my kids for me. And #2.) Where would be without them?
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Transparency — I’m not too fond of the word because people lie. People manipulate — some more than others. The true test of someone’s character is time. I learned that life lesson the hard way.
On what occasions do you lie?
Every time my kids ask me why their dad and I got a divorce.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
‘Comin’ in hot!’, ‘Oh Sh*t!’, ‘It is what it is,’ and ‘One day at a time!’
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
There is nothing like a life-changing event to jump-start a lifestyle change. But I’m still not physically as fit as I want to be, know I can be and used to be not too long ago.
What are your favorite names?
If I answered this honestly, everyone would know my kids’ real names, and I’m not ready to go there. Instead, I will give you a few examples of my favorite “C” sounding words in the English language: Kaopectate (brand name for diarrhea medicine), Copacetic (Adjective: completely satisfactory), and Cattywampus (Adjective: askew, off-kilter — variant of the word Catawampus)
How would you like to die?
Any way at all, as long as my last thought was, ‘I know my kids will be okay beyond a shadow of doubt.’
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
A classical nylon-strong guitar — duh.
What is your motto?
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
A few more random facts for sh*ts and giggles.
- I had that mole on my chin removed many years ago. It cost me $350 without insurance, and it was worth every penny.
- I do my best to get through each day using the “Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness (H.A.L.T.) philosophy.
- I’m claustrophobic.
- I love Peets Coffee.
- Working out helps me immensely with my depression and anxiety. But sometimes, I don’t make it to the gym.
- I recently started juicing and feel clean and green!
- I’m still just as goofy and happy (if not more myself than I’ve ever been) as I was in the photo above.
- I’ve missed you all so much over the last few months, and I am on Cloud 9 now as I write this.
- Confession: I will never forget where I’ve been. But I don’t know where I’m going just yet.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I will get there.
Some days I don’t know what the hell I’m doing in life except writing and feeling gratitude in every bone in my body to be right where I am with you beautiful, kind, and inspiring humans. Thank you for allowing me to bare my soul and express (in ten minutes) what makes me tick.
I invite all of you to tag me and do the same!
Thank you for reading. ❤ If you enjoyed this piece, here are a few more that I referenced!
©2022 Divina Grey. All rights reserved.
