FROM MY HEART & MIND
About Love And Tears, Dreams And Hope
Responding to prompts of days 1–14 of the Advent Calendar Edition on Know Thyself, Heal Thyself
Day 1: Write about love seeping through your pores
Love is such a powerful emotion, and sometimes it overwhelms me at the most unexpected times. I look at my husband while he sleeps, or as he watches television, or when he’s reading his paper, and I just feel this deep surge of love for him. The same happens when I see my daughter, or my grandsons. Those are intense moments when love literally seeps through my pores.
Day 2: Write about what you said by the fireplace
Oh, how I wish we had a fireplace, with a thick rug in front of it, and where my love and I can lie together, forget the world and just repeat how much we love each other.
Day 3: Write about what a week to yourself would involve
If I could have an entire week to myself without having to worry about others or things I have to do, I will go on long walks in nature, or sit on the beach staring out over the waves, dreaming up stories, and I will write those stories. A week to myself will be all about resting and refueling for difficult and busy times ahead.
Day 4: Write about your glacial tears
When I think of tears, it reminds me of our circumstances, my fears and the stress it brings, and that makes me fight the emotions from overwhelming me. Therefore, I barely ever think of tears, because that’s the only way I can keep myself from literally breaking down. I’m afraid to allow the tears; afraid of how much it may hurt.
Day 5: Write about your list of confessions
I have so many things I can confess, but when I sit here wanting to write about them, not one comes to mind. There are many confessions in my writing, and I am sure I confessed much during sessions with my coach, and deep talks with my daughter. I’m not afraid to share things I have done wrong, because only then healing can start.
Day 6: The gift that keeps on giving
Love and kindness — those are the gifts that keep on giving. I get so much back from loving my husband, my kids, and my grandkids. They are my world. As for kindness, something I have said many times is that if we all only spread kindness, we might just be able to have a world without war.
Day 7: An incomplete list of things that help me survive
With our difficult circumstances of my husband’s health, I absolutely need things to help me survive. The main thing is bullet journaling, where the drawing part makes me relax, and the journaling part helps me to make sense of things and put my feelings on paper. But there’s also my zoo days, where I have a few hours all to myself, listening to audio books, and evenings in bed when I lose myself in a feel-good series.
Day 8: December freezes this heart
To me, December is a time of reflection, of looking back on the past year, but also ahead to the next. Normally, December is a month of downtime over Christmas, being granted some half days of work by my employer. However, this December, I feel the nerves. I feel the stress, as in January my husband has to go for a scan, because the doctors think his cancer might’ve spread.
Day 9: Cerulean dreams
This instantly made me think of a warm summer’s day, lying on my back in the long green grass, looking at the clear blue sky, and just… BE.
To just forget about the world around me, forget about the stress, the pain in my heart. To just be one with nature around me, and… BE.
Day 10: The gift you’ve been meaning to give yourself
The one gift I am going to give myself is to cut back on work. I now work four days a week (34 hours) and I want to cut back to three (27 hours). With that, I will have one extra day a week not thinking of work, because the one gift I’ve been meaning to give myself for years is getting out of the rat race.
Day 11: A list of things that sound like love
* Hugs, whether from my husband, my daughter or my grandchildren. * Kind words, from anyone. * Spending quality time together with those I love. * Being kind to myself. * A long conversation with my husband about anything under the sun.
Day 12: Wishes made in sweet silence
My deepest wish, and one I don’t voice to anyone, is that I want to know what the future holds. I want to know how long it will take before the sword hanging over our life either drops or disappears. Then again, I don’t want to know, even though the uncertainty of my husband’s health weighs down heavily on me.
Day 13: What if you open Pandora’s box and hope isn’t there?
If someone grants my wish for day 12, it will be like opening Pandora’s box. Not finding hope there will be devastating. What are we without hope? I hope my husband heals from this; hope he gets stronger again. I hope he will be with me for many years to come. Hope keeps us going. Hope prevents me from crumbling into a heap. I need hope to keep strong for my husband… and myself.
Day 14: Write a letter to your readers
There is only one thing I want to say to all of my readers, and that is:
Thank you, I appreciate you all!
Without my readers, I wouldn’t be here, and therefore I am grateful for every one of you!
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