BLACK LIVES MATTEr
A White Woman Falsely Accused My Family Member of Rape
My Personal Experience & Thoughts
Sh*t. Where do I even start? I’ve never written about this experience because I’ve mostly been scared to speak out about it. This was the most emotional, traumatizing, and daunting situation I’ve ever faced in my life. As I head into 4 years since the incident, my life has changed tremendously. I feel like my eyes were stripped of their innocence.
I was not as involved in the Black experience and community before this situation took place. Prior to this incident, I never blatantly experienced racism, but after this situation, I finally realized the racism was always there all along.
My family and I were always immersed in different communities and cultures. We truly didn’t see color. Many of my friends even considered us “white,” which is another problem. But I grew up around mostly Asian people. I lived and went to school with mostly white people, and I never felt uncomfortable being the only Black kid in her class — despite that being a clear problem in my eyes now.
My White Friends Were Indirectly Racist
I used to have a ton of white friends; many fell off over time somehow, though. But one of my white best friends told me that her parents would not let her date Black men, but it was okay for her to marry a Latino man. It was okay for her to mess around with a Black man, but she could never take “one” home as her parents, and her would say. I never realized how racist this was until later in life — I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it.
I also didn’t realize how I was the only Black girl in my white friend circle; I was the “token Black friend”. Don’t get me wrong, I loved all of them; they were a blast, but why did they never befriend other black individuals?
2020 — Present
Everything that the Black community has been experiencing in the spotlight — even more so — these past two years has resonated with me more because of my family’s personal experience with multiple white people (The DA, the victim’s family, and law enforcement) literally trying to destroy our lives.
Story Continued…
A White Woman Falsely Accused My Family Member of Rape
The situation happened, and I had to deal with it — along with my family. I still feel we are dealing with PTSD from the situation. Shortly after the situation happened, I could no longer live in the same state; I didn’t feel safe, which I will explain further in “My Experience With Law Enforcement.”
The worst part about the situation is, the supposed rape “victim” dismissed herself from the case entirely after attending only one court date. I later found out the mother reported the rape. But the “victim” could've ended the whole case if she had simply opened her mouth and spoke the truth.
My Experience With Law Enforcement
Personally, I’ve never had a negative experience with a cop, and I’m not anti-law enforcement. I’m only against law enforcement officers who abuse their power for racist agendas.
But I had my first negative experience with several cops when they raided my home to search for evidence of a rape….it made so much sense that the police officer’s hands were shaking when he read and handed me the bullsh*t warrant with no basis.
Law enforcement brought in an army of officers to my home and ransacked it; they damaged walls, threw all of our stuff around, and stole my phone and the iPad device of my partner. We were unarmed. We were uninvolved with the case. And we literally had just got back from vacation.
Still to this day, I’ve never had a negative experience with a cop; they’ve been good to me outside of this one raid experience. But it breaks my heart to see what they do (a lot worse than a raid) to people within my community daily.
They Will Do Anything To Lock SOMEONE Up
The DA was overzealous and came after me, too, which makes no sense. How could I be involved in a rape? First off, I was out of town on vacation (a whopping 14-hour drive from the supposed “scene”), and I was not close to the victim; I barely knew her. On top of that, I don’t have time to get involved in other people’s relationship drama. They confiscated two apple devices from my home (one of which was my partner’s) because apparently, the devices would “help” the rape case. BTW, I never received an explanation from them how our devices would help them in a rape case…
The DA and lead detective tried to get me involved in the rape trial by accusing me of deleting text messages. If you have read my work, you know that I work in tech, which means I know you can’t actually delete text messages…come on now, government; get up to speed.
Side Note: The judicial system is adamant about recruiting people to go to jail; it’s a big-money business. All the jail calls, the clothes, the snacks/food, the supplies, the ankle monitors, etc., it all adds up $$$. I ended up spending thousands to help my family member with this case.
Thankfully, the truth came out, and they realized they didn’t need to come after me — an unrelated and uninvolved person — for a fake rape case.
Anger, The Aftermath, & Writing
I experienced a lot of anger, bitterness, vengefulness, and borderline hatred of the woman who did this. Not only did she try to ruin my family’s lives, but she took away years from my family member, who got 10 years of punishment for a crime not committed. She also stole our (my family and me) peace of mind for years because the trial spread over a duration of 3 years.
I’ve never been a bitter or vengeful person. This was the first time I genuinely experienced all of those feelings and more; it was a very new and raw feeling for me, considering I usually let go of things easily. But this situation was an entirely different and unique beast; I literally could do nothing. It was the most painful and helpless feeling I’ve ever had in my life.
The only way I got through the situation was by writing and trusting my higher power. I wrote a lot of poetry during that time. It was my saving grace. It was my outlet. It saved my mental health. It saved my sanity. And it saved my soul.
The two books of poetry I wrote [see below], on top of taking the stand as a witness, were about all I could do for the situation — in addition to helping with all of the court, financial, and administrative responsibilities. I was able able to provide a powerful and intelligent testimony, which helped my family member get house arrest.
Poetry Writings
I think we are so used to hearing about women getting raped or women falsely accusing people of rape that we forget it can happen to one of our own.
The Things I Personally Lost From This Experience
- Peace of mind — I dealt with major anxiety
- My mental health
- My home — I no longer felt safe after they ransacked it
- My family member for an extended period of time
- Time — court appearances and other tasks involved
- Money — helping my family member while locked up
- Confidence in the judicial system
- One of my good friends, the accuser's cousin — it got too messy to maintain the relationship.
Letter to Women of All Backgrounds
If you’ve been raped, scream it out as loud as you can. Rape should always be punished. It’s a monstrous crime. But if you haven’t been raped, don’t ruin a person’s life due to selfishness, anger, bitterness, or revenge.
If you’re reading this and falsely accused someone of rape, I encourage you to help the person sitting in a cell because of your destructive, hurtful, and selfish actions. Don’t let pettiness steal someone else’s life.
I’m Being Honest & Vulnerable Here
I’m genuinely sorry that now when women accuse others of rape, I sometimes wonder if they are telling the truth. It hurts me to feel this way. I know many women are hurt daily by malicious people; I know the statistics, and they aren’t good. One bad apple doesn’t determine the whole lot. But now, I know what it indirectly feels like to be falsely accused of something you didn’t do because it happened to one of my own, and it’s affected me traumatically.
The sheer power a white woman has over an innocent Black man by merely uttering the word “rape” is unsettling.
Letter to Black Men
Choose your partners wisely. Avoid obsessive, destructive, addictive, and controlling partners. Become healthier as an individual because the healthier you are, the healthier the partner you attract will be.
I have no issue with Black men dating White women; I think interracial dating is awesome. One of my longest relationships was with someone outside of my race. But remember, a White woman will always hold a certain power — never forget this; it’s not the fault of White women that this is the case. Society has bestowed this power upon white women. Society has granted white women the most value out of all female ethnicities; try and deny it, but facts are facts.
Final Thoughts
The 27 million dollars awarded to George Floyd’s family will never replace:
- George Floyd
- The time they have lost because of his death
- Or the time they will never be able to spend with George Floyd
I say all of this because when the justice department has wronged you, no amount of money can repay the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical damage caused. Life doesn’t have a price. Furthermore, time doesn’t have a price.
I finally got over my fear of the police and the PTSD from the police raiding my house a couple of years ago, but for a while, I lived in fear not only for myself but my family. My family member got a not-so-great deal, but we are making the most of it because, for now, that is all we can do. Thank you for reading my story. I hope it speaks to you in some form.
Destiny S. Harris is a writer, poet, entrepreneur, teacher, and techie who offers free books daily on amazon. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, or @ destinyh.com