A Toast to Good Health
During a pandemic that never ends
“Hey…love? Why aren’t you toasting with us?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to toast to good health.”
“Why is that?”
“Well traditionally people used to toast as a means to avoid poisoning.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Seriously. And after reading about it, it sort of makes sense.”
“Explain.”
“Alright, let’s say that you wanted to poison me, right?”
“That’s morbid, but alright. Go on.”
“Okay. Let’s say you pop a bottle of champagne, and you serve all the ladies first. Who’s to say that while the bottle was in your hands, you didn’t drop some iocane powder in before serving to the men?”
“Iocane powder isn’t real. It’s from The Princess Bride.”
“Okay, let’s say you put some arsenic in the champagne bottle. After we all ate a lot of pizza, so it doesn’t absorb right away. Everyone dies slow, and we never find out the champagne was poisoned.”
“I’ve lost how this has anything to do with why we toast.”
“The reason why people clinked glasses was to spill some of their drink into the glasses of others. So if one had poison in it, all of them would drink it.”
“Wouldn’t that kill everyone?”
“The idea is not to poison anyone’s glass, my love.”
“So that’s the only reason why people toast? To avoid poisoning?”
“I’d imagine it became seen an acknowledgement of mutual trust, over time.”
“Ooh, I’m really getting hungry. I want Mexican.”
“You sure you don’t want left over pizza? There’s a truckload.”
“I’m so sure.”
“Okay well, the gardener just got his food truck setup with his wife. I hear they’ve got tacos al pastor.”
“They’ve got seasoned pork roasting on the trompo?”
“That’s right.”
“With the meat cooked to perfection?”
“Falling off the bone. With roasted habanero salsa and mole in handmade tortillas.”
“Is there guac?”
“Tons of it. Made with fresh cilantro from my garden. And limes from the lime tree. And avocados from the avocado tree. And salt from what we harvest on the shore.”
“You give all these ingredients to them?”
“Yes. The food is freshest that way. Besides, the gardener grows it and now someone can finally put it all to good use.”
“I think you give too much.”
“In comparison to whom?”
“Everybody.”
“Let’s drink to that.”