It’s Time to Pickup the Pizza.

Not a pizza truck.

“What the hell is this?”

“I have a new idea.”

“You were supposed to have ordered pizza, and picked it up curbside by now.”

“I know. I went to the pizza truck and got speaking with the owner.”

“And so what, you went and bought his dough to bring it home and cook it here? We have guests arriving in thirty minutes! And look, the champagne isn’t even chilled! And you know what that means?”

“Please don’t say it —

“There shall be no sabrage tonight. None. For not getting the pizza.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. The pizza will be just as good, if not better.”

“How is that possible?”

“I bought the pizza truck.”

“What?”

“Yeah, that’s right. The owner just dropped it off outside. Still have to get permits for it, so if you don’t mind I’d like to just borrow your truck since it has a hitch on the back. I need to haul it into the far driveway.”

“Where did you get the money to buy this food truck?”

“From cryptocurrency.”

“You have cryptocurrency?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you had this?”

“A few years now.”

“And how much do you have?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh, here we go. Here comes the mansplaining.”

“Sorry, I meant to say — ‘Why would you want to know?’”

“Well because I’m your girlfriend. We’re kind of on and off seeing one another, and this is the first night we’re having a party with my friends at your house. So I figured it would be good to know that you have cryptocurrency.”

“Well, now you do.”

“But you won’t tell me how much.”

“I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Well, that’s going to affect a lot of things.”

“Hopefully it will get me the keys to your truck.”

“And why should I let you use my truck? I want the basketball court on the far driveway to be clear today. I have areas designated for parking already arranged with the porter. Why do you have to do this all the time at the last minute?”

“To be honest, I didn’t want the truck. But I felt bad for the owner as I just caught him on the end of a double, and he told me how he needed to sell this truck to pay the rent. I asked him if he had crypto and he said no, so I showed him how to add a wallet on his phone and sent him more than the asking price for the pizza truck. He couldn’t believe it. He was really in shock. Anyway, I understand about the basketball court. I’ll just put the pizza truck on the front lawn. One of the security guards has a big Dodge Ram and he can haul it easily enough. I mean, it‘ll give him something to do, honestly.”

“What are you going to do while it’s sitting in the front yard? Sell pizzas?”

“The system is turn-key and the owner showed me how to use the oven and gave me all the sauce and cheese and dough he had. Just told me to keep everything as he walked over to the ATM and took out some new cash, waved, and got in his truck after removing the pizza truck from the hitch.

I’m thinking I may not want to sell pizzas but I’d like to give them away to the security, the wait staff, the housekeepers, and the grounds workers. Yes. I shall make pizza for everyone.”

“You’re a madman. Really.”

“And then I’ll give the truck away to the gardener because he has always wished to have his own little puesto to sell traditional Mexican food. He and his wife both are talented chefs. So I think it will come as a surprise to him in the morning when he arrives and sees the truck waiting for him and his wife. To be together. To do something they love.

Oh, and that reminds me, I’ll need to get a solid truck with a hitch so that I never run into this problem again.”

“Couldn’t you settle for a Jeep?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, what kind?”

“I’m thinking an old CJ-4. Painted bright orange. I’d haul with that.”

“You’re so weird.”

“Thank you. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to start cooking pizzas.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do while I’m waiting?”

“You could always cook with me?”

“Get out of here.”

“Okay,” I said, kissing her on the lips, staying, offering a sigh with her. Warmth filled the air from our closeness. “You sure you don’t want to join me? It’s cozy inside. Plenty of ice there for the champagne, too.”

“Stop making me like you again.”

“What else is there, if not for this?”