AIR TRAVEL

A Simple, Inexpensive Solution Any Airline Could Adopt To Make Flying More Pleasant For Us All

And guarantee our return as their faithful passengers

Admit it. You have it, too, when flying.

The dreaded fear

Not of the sardine-packed flights. We’ve become accustomed to them as a given.

Not of the insensitive passengers. We’ve probably encountered a few.

Not of the excruciating advance airport arrival time to accommodate ever-longer queues, check-in requirements, and security measures. We know that drill well.

The fear is the inherent dread of how many screaming children will be encased amidst the captive, confined horde aboard the metal tube transporting us to wherever.

Upon boarding and maneuvering the dance around those schlepping half their earthly belongings as “carry-on luggage,” then identifying our assigned oversized seventeen-inch seat, our next appraisal is often a quick perusal of the location of the pint-sized.

You are praying against hope you’re seated nowhere in their vicinity, especially the infant variety. I’ll admit having offered up pleas to Ganesha, the obstacle-addressing Hindu god, for none to be seated in rows near me. And, please, please, not next to me.

I know, I know. We’re all supposed to cherish and adore these darling miniature creatures. Unless we’re of the W.C. Fields’ temperament, that is. But once you’ve sat next to a mother whose lap kid kicked you non-stop for seven hours, despite your gentle suggestion to intercede with her glaring at the mere suggestion, you get my drift.

Ill-behaved children

Ill-behaved and undisciplined children, well, that’s a parenting issue, isn’t it?

There are mothers like the one beside me who give not one fig about how miserably their kids behave. It’s “my problem” if I don’t wish to depart black and blue from her monster-in-training.

If airlines sold ‘child-free’ flights, millions would happily pay a premium fare for peace. Other frequent traveler writers have written about a similar longing. https://www.businessinsider.com/pay-more-flight-with-no-screaming-kids-crying-babies-2023-8

Corendon Airlines has just begun offering flights between Amsterdam and the Caribbean with kid-free zones. (Update: I originally incorrectly wrote they were flying adults-only carriers). Sadly, the option of kid-free flights isn’t yet available.

But why aren’t they? After all, there are adults-only cruises and resorts. We can only hope and pray for them...someday. Instead of allowing kids free passage on parents' laps, here’s a thought. Why not charge three times the fare? That likely would reduce the number of screeching babies drastically.

Infants

Any frequent flyer is painfully cognizant of the “joy” of screaming infants.

Unlike when I was growing up… when no parents ever flew with babies…today’s entitled world seems not even to contemplate awaiting flying until their children can travel without terrorizing a planeful of paying customers.

Even the highest quality of noise-canceling headphones with music cranked up often are inadequate salvation from high-pitched yelps hour after dreadful hour after hour.

Babies typically cry when they want or need something. Or because they’re in pain. On flights, the rapid change in cabin air pressure hurts their ears, with the ear canal unable to adjust quickly enough. Any grown-ups who have flown know and experience the same thing.

My go-to solution is to chew gum. Or use EarPlanes.

A simple magic solution

A simple guaranteed fix is to insert wee silicone earplugs. EarPlanes is one brand. They’re available in common US drugstore aisles, that well-known mega online company, and travel sites.

Guess what? They make them for infants, too.

Do parents with munchins not know this? Or do they not mind their kids suffering? It’s always puzzled me why there are so many screaming babies on airplanes when this simple hack would probably address 90% of the problem.

Bottom line: They work… beautifully.

If you’ve ever suffered from stuffed-up sinuses, headaches, and ear discomfort for days after reaching a destination, usually after an incredibly long flight, these little miracles are a blessing.

If you use them, never again will you experience that unpleasant aftermath of a stopped-up head for days post-flight. My brother-in-law encountered the same problem after skydiving and was miserable for weeks.

I’ve watched parents trying a pacifier, a bottle, and numerous other approaches, usually to little or temporary avail. These doohickeys work; they are safe. For a few bucks, kids won’t be in pain. Not to mention the rest of the passengers and flight crew.

Availability and promotion

I’ve always believed that an enterprising entrepreneur could make a small fortune standing near airport entrances selling these to soon departing passengers.

As for airlines, why not buy them by the gajillion and offer them to baby-parents the moment they set foot on the plane or when making the courtesy rounds?

Headphones? Magazines? Blanket? Pillow? Earplugs for the baby? Champagne?

Surely, the cost would be infinitesimal given the quantity they’d order. Or sell them? Airlines charge for nearly everything else unless in business or first class. Or add another $2 to my ticket. I’d happily pay for it, knowing my flight might be kid-shrieking-free.

The airline industry isn’t particularly known for innovation and change. Still plowing the unmanageable, aisle-blocking, limb-jambing beverage cart after a half-century as one example.

Hence, the likelihood of any carrier instituting such a practice solely to enhance passengers’ comfort is an unlikely occurrence in the foreseeable future.

Why aren’t these effective patented, safe gizmo silicone pop-in-earplugs front and center on every airport shop counter in the world? Why aren’t the vendors hawking travel paraphernalia, such as luggage straps, USB cables, phone chargers, and neck pillows, selling them?

Perhaps they are, and I’ve missed them.

Tip

If you’re soon traveling with an infant, these are a couple of choices from online sites. The brand I successfully used was EarPlanes.

Your time is valuable! Thanks for spending some of it here.

Victoria 🙏

© Victoria Kjos. All Rights Reserved. 2024.