A Quick and Dirty Guide to Great Manual Sex

11 simple tips for impressive finger play

Manual sex doesn’t always get the respect it deserves.

We often talk as if oral is the only way to get a woman off, and lots of people seem to treat fingering like it’s something only teenagers do.

I don’t think that’s fair at all. I love getting oral, but there are things your fingers can do that your tongue can’t. One isn’t necessarily better than the other, and both have their place.

But you need the right approach.

I’ve been on the receiving end of some bad finger play. I’ve had guys go in too hard, too soon and that made it really uncomfortable. One guy bragged about how good he was at it but what he did with his fingers was so unpleasant I had to fake an orgasm to get him to stop.

Other times, it was just kind of lackluster. It felt alright, but it didn’t do much to get me off. It could’ve been so much better.

But the rest of the time, it was so good I wouldn’t have needed anything else. When you do it right, it doesn’t have to feel like foreplay — it can stand on its own.

If you want to impress someone with your skills, here are some tips you should follow.

1. Give the Clit Plenty of Love

The clit is going to be the center of attention.

Sadly, the majority of guys who have had their hand between my legs have severely neglected it. But stroking the clit is going to be the most important move you have, and the thing you should spend most of your time doing.

2. Play with Everything

The clit will be your focal point, but that doesn’t mean you can neglect everything else.

Lots of advice focuses on the clit and the G-spot, but you should also play with the inner and outer labia and the vaginal opening (unless she’s specifically not into that).

Every part of the vulva is sensitive and it feels good to have it touched. So, go ahead and give her the full experience.

3. Build Up the Stimulation

There should be a progression to what you do. You might end by giving a lot of steady, direct stimulation to the clit, but think of that as a goal you’re working toward.

You can start by rubbing the outer lips and spreading them apart, which is very arousing and stimulating.

Rubbing around the clit and playing with the clitoral hood can give the clit indirect stimulation, which is so pleasurable it can be enough to get some women off.

4. Use Lube When Stroking the Clit

Most people use lube to ease penetration, but that’s not all it’s good for.

Using lube during manual sex will make her more sensitive and intensify all of the feelings you’re giving her. So, don’t wait until you’re fingering her — use some lube when you’re rubbing her clit, too. (Water-based lube is fine, but silicone-based is best. Just be sure to avoid any that are oil-based.)

5. Pay Attention to Her Responses

Some women can’t get off from soft, slow stimulation. But not everyone enjoys vigorous action. So, pay attention to how your partner reacts to what you’re doing and adjust accordingly.

Bonus points if you ask her. It won’t kill the mood — but rubbing her the wrong way will.

6. Know Your Variables

There are two things you can adjust when you’re stroking or rubbing her pussy: the speed and the pressure of your touch.

Remember these variables and play around with them. Lots of people either go soft and slow or hard and fast, but sometimes it’s better to go slow and hard or fast and soft.

7. The G-Spot Needs Arousal

My worst fingering experiences were all with guys who decided to stick their fingers in me before I was sufficiently aroused.

If they had waited a bit and worked their way up to it, I probably would’ve enjoyed it. I might have even had an orgasm. That’s because the G-spot is basically not there unless you’re aroused first.

So, don’t do the penetrative stuff assuming it will turn her on. Turn her on first or it won’t be enjoyable for her.

8. Two Fingers Is Plenty

Unless she wants to try fisting (and that’s the subject for a completely different article), you should stick to one or two fingers when fingering her (usually your index and middle fingers).

Three or four fingers are definitely possible, but for a lot of women it doesn’t feel better than what you can do with just the two. And all that extra girth can actually make it less pleasant, so you’re probably working harder for nothing.

9. Give Her a Blended Orgasm

Clitoral orgasms and G-spot orgasms are both great. But if you stimulate both at the same time, you can give her a blended orgasm.

Blended orgasms tend to be stronger and more satisfying. All you need to give one is enough coordination to rub her clit and finger her with the “come hither” motion.

10. Don’t Slap Her Pussy

Yeah, I’ve seen it in porn, too, but it just doesn’t feel good. Slapping her pussy or tapping it aggressively is just going to hurt. Avoid it unless she’s into pain.

11. Show Some Enthusiasm

Good manual sex isn’t just physical, it’s psychological, too. She won’t have as much fun if she doesn’t think you’re not into it or you’re just waiting for it to be your turn.

So, do something to show how much fun you’re having. Talk dirty. Give her some encouragement. Be focused and attentive.

Whatever you do, just don’t look bored (you really shouldn’t be anyway — you’re playing with pussy!)

Get Down and Dirty

Manual sex advice is often really simple: find the clit and rub it, and when she’s properly wet you can find and rub her G-spot too. That’s all well and good, but it’s beginner level stuff. Great finger action is about more than just rubbing her pussy’s two most sensitive spots.

So, if you want to take manual sex seriously and use your hands to show your partner a really good time, put in a bit of extra effort and follow the tips I’ve given you in this little guide.

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