A One Way Ticket to Everywhere

Chapter 14 of a Glimpse of Eternity

His shirt was ruby red, or at least that’s what the paramedics told me after they had snatched him out of the house. In other words; he was gone. I, on the other hand, was still there, positioned as what one may call brain-dead. I felt useless. A useless figment of desire by a man who had not considered me desirable enough to stay alive.

His blood oozed out of his chest, but it also sprang from within me. I was carrying a dead man’s child. For years and years my mind wouldn’t settle on any man. Not with the eyes of the man who had been my first love keeping their focus on me anywhere I went — the eyes that now belonged to my son.

“You catch that, Sam?” I coughed over the receiver’s end as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “Jeez, it’s getting hot in here.”

“Copy that, ma’am,” Sam replied as I heard him shyly sip from his cup of instant coffee.

“You can call me Sara, you know. We’ve known each other for a while now. Sara’s fine,” I proposed.

Silence.

“Okay, Sara. So, tell me, when did you last see your son?”

That’s a funny question. I always see my son. Wherever I am. But you wouldn’t get that, would you, Sam?

“How long have I been on this ship for?”

“About 20 years, ma’- uh, Sara,” he followed up after swiftly interacting with his keyboard.

“There you go,” I said.

Silence once more.

“So, tell me more about your life, Sam. Do you have any family, goals, dreams?” I shifted the subject of our conversation as I began to remove my spacesuit, followed by my clothes.

His answer would take approximately five minutes, resembling one not so different from asking a new student to introduce themself in front of the whole class.

“I, um, have a sister. She’s getting married this month, actually. My parents are not fond of the guy, and neither am I to be honest, but whatever floats your boat, I guess, right?” he revealed. “But, I aspire to become an astronaut one day, just like… you,” he murmured the last part hesitantly.

“Oh, well, please say congratulations to your sister for me. Marriage is a beautiful thing,” I gulped down my throat as I maintained my eyes on the black matter surrounding every inch of space around me.

“I will do that, Sara.”

I could feel him smiling from the tone of his voice.

“You got a long way ahead of you, kiddo. Astronauts take a lot of courage to set off towards the unknown. Sure, we may have a hint of direction as to where we’re going, but, how useful is that really, once you’re actually exposed to the grand vastness of infinity?”

His lack of response highlighted his confusion.

“You get overwhelmed, Sam,” I indicated as I began to walk towards the lounge room in just my undies.

I could no longer feel the temperature. Or anything, for that matter. I could feel nothing, and everything, at the same time.

The operator’s voice stemmed from the speakers.

“I suppose you know where my position lies,” he interrupted my stroll. “I cannot and will not understand why you decided to embark on a journey with a ship that proved fatal not too long ago.”

“You won’t understand, no matter how many times I try to justify it. But it’s still worth saying it out loud since it will remain in the records and may be useful to someone out there, now or a couple of generations later,” I admitted.

His lips aimed to break the silence before being prevented by mine.

“When you love a soul, no matter what it’s done to yours, you want to keep protecting it. Especially when it leaves, you want to make sure you are able to feel every bit of its presence. Something tells you it never left you, so you attempt everything in your power to retrieve it,” I started my monologue as I approached the large window pane showcasing the magnitude of the cosmos before me.

His lack of words let me know that he was either disinterested or curious to figure out more. Or both.

“I believe my husband is out there, waiting for me in the grand scope of the universe, holding onto the hope that I will one day join him. He regrets his decision, and I can feel it. He tried to contribute to the advancement of civilization as best as he could; I mean, look at me. I wouldn’t be standing inches away from the outskirts of the Milky Way if it weren’t for him,” I ran my eyes across a trail of light appearing from the opposite end of space.

This time Sam was quick to intervene.

“You knew you were embarking on a suicide mission. You knew the prototype of the ship had failed and you knew people died-”

“Because of my husband, yes,” I maintained my focus on the frame of the galaxy.

“I’m sorry, Sara, I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand,” he confessed. “That ship could never store enough fuel to last the exit from our galaxy, let alone exploring another one.”

“I know,” I replied. “Perhaps seeing what’s beyond this galaxy wasn’t a part of my fate, but Sam?”

The speaker began to glitch along with the initiation of the alarm signaling a very proximate lack of fuel.

“Yes, yes, Sara?” his half-torn voice assured.

“I have never come as close to experiencing everything that could possibly be experienced as I am now, surrounded by nothing but nothingness. A weird irony, isn’t it?”

I wasn’t sure if he’d heard my last statement. The alarm gradually took over the soundscape of the room as Sam’s voice was submerged somewhere beneath it. No more correspondence with Earth. It was just me and space; moving along the rhythm that feeds existence.

Angelina Der Arakelian

This piece is a chapter from my recent book, A Glimpse of Eternity, an experimental story made up of poetry and short stories told through the perspective of Sara, a woman experiencing an existential crisis. In a futuristic world, she decides to take on a space mission abandoned by her late husband, during with she reflects on life, death and everything in between.

Other chapters in the book:

Disclaimer: This post contains an affiliate link to my book, which means that if you make a purchase, I might make a small commission.