A New Use for MAGA Crap

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Abstract

g to our waste-of-space “leader,” people are getting sick with the “Chinese Virus” as Trump refers to it, when he isn’t calling it the “Invisible Enemy.” He can’t seem to make up his mind.</p><p id="3f49">By the way, do you, as I do, see Alec Baldwin’s SNL impersonation of POTUS every time he speaks? I do. It’s like he’s become a caricature of himself.</p><p id="882c">But I digress. We need face masks. There will be no crowd-heavy, asshole-to-elbow political rallies for a long time, thus, no need for Trump’s supporters to embarrass themselves in public by wearing his crap. So let’s enlist the help of tailors, “snatchers” and “rippers” and let’s get to work.</p><p id="0022">Trump is useless, but his shit doesn’t have to be.</p><p id="4cba"><i>Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.</i></p><p id="c6fa">Thanks so much for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might like the stories below, as well.</p><p id="b2be"><b>Also, if you’re seeking further distractions during this tough time, please consider subscribing to <a href="https://sherry.substack.com/">my new newsletter,</a> where I’ll do my damndest to deliver content that’s relevant and entertaining.</b></p><div id="10c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/this-effing-guy-40ca3b896658"> <div> <div> <h2>This Effing Guy!</h2> <div><h3>Can we please quarantine Donald Trump?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*yPtOnWtmez9F-r9M52ahxw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="7c8e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-the-hell-watch-pandemic-ed67e802eb74"> <div> <div>

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Let’s turn that shit into face masks!

Source: Pinterest

You know those dumb hats and T-shirts that our dumb president and his dumb supporters wear at his rallies? The cheery red caps and other apparel emblazoned with the acronym MAGA? (Make America Great Again). I thought of a new use for them, something that could actually do some good during this frightening and surreal time.

Since we have a dearth of face masks for regular citizens and medical personnel alike, I say we appropriate those babies and repurpose them as face masks.

We could hire people who can sew to help with the transformation, thereby creating more jobs.

You may be wondering how we appropriate these useless testaments to an egomaniac. We get them by force, if necessary.

Naturally, we ask for the Orange Troll’s “people” to voluntarily give up their precious caps and shirts, but if they balk, all bets are off. We employ “snatchers” and “rippers” to do just what that implies: Snatch the caps off their stupid heads and rip the shirts from their bodies.

Of course, these items would have to be thoroughly sanitized before being turned into face masks, as God knows what manner of germs and bacteria could be lurking within their fibers. The idea is to help people, not make them sick, or even sicker. (By the way, is “stupidity” catching?)

In case you were wondering, the hats are sold at The Donald Trump President Store (!) for $25 a pop. I can think of a shit-ton of better uses for that money, can’t you?

Interesting side note: Apparently there is a plethora of bootleg caps floating around Trumpland — some made in Mexico and others in China!

I propose that these bootleg items, the ones from China, especially, be used as butt-wipe. After all, it’s China’s fault that the whole world is in the shit, right?

According to our waste-of-space “leader,” people are getting sick with the “Chinese Virus” as Trump refers to it, when he isn’t calling it the “Invisible Enemy.” He can’t seem to make up his mind.

By the way, do you, as I do, see Alec Baldwin’s SNL impersonation of POTUS every time he speaks? I do. It’s like he’s become a caricature of himself.

But I digress. We need face masks. There will be no crowd-heavy, asshole-to-elbow political rallies for a long time, thus, no need for Trump’s supporters to embarrass themselves in public by wearing his crap. So let’s enlist the help of tailors, “snatchers” and “rippers” and let’s get to work.

Trump is useless, but his shit doesn’t have to be.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks so much for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might like the stories below, as well.

Also, if you’re seeking further distractions during this tough time, please consider subscribing to my new newsletter, where I’ll do my damndest to deliver content that’s relevant and entertaining.