A Narcissist Is an Emotional Stalker
But society only recognizes physical ones
I’m exhausted and on the phone literally begging my husband.
“Just divorce me,” I say. “Please divorce me already.”
But he is inflexible. Just as he refused to leave the house or separate. The narcissist will not leave me alone. He can’t control me that way and he is accustomed to manipulating me.
I have left him which gives the illusion I am in control. At least I believe I am taking my power back. But the narcissist is intent on re-establishing our marital dynamic and rising back up as the marital dictator.
We can imagine a stalker. It’s within the realm of our comprehension. We can envision the accompanying fear and empathize with the victim. A physical presence lurking and obsessed with you.
It’s frightening.
Sadly, we can’t visualize the emotional stalker.
Unless you have naively entangled yourself in the clutches of a narcissist.
Even those who know us don’t always get it. They can’t digest something that doesn’t make sense to them. How could an attractive, dynamic, charming person be doing these things? The other person must be exaggerating their experience, being too sensitive, or overreacting.
Ironically, not unlike what the narcissist accuses their spouse of.
The narcissist isn’t the problem. The person who loves them is making a big deal of nothing, taking things personally, cares too much, is overreacting, or needs to lighten up.
But this emotional stalker is real and unrelenting.
And freedom will be hard won. The manipulation, mind games, lack of reality, control, gaslighting, retribution, and punishment don’t end with divorce. They escalate with it.
Because a narcissist doesn’t lose.
They get what they want. They decide how things will play out. How the relationship will be directed. And they will not stop until they believe they have made it clear they are calling the shots.
The most unsettling aspect is their need to control the outcome. This is why the majority of lengthy high conflict divorces involve individuals with Narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist is unyielding, they do not negotiate. They win.
They will emotionally stalk you to achieve this and wear you down.
And if they feel they have lost, they will also emotionally stalk you. They will manipulate your children, be financially abusive, and more. They will prey on your weaknesses.
The narcissist will lurk beyond every corner of your life.
The self-obsessed narcissist obsesses over their own world.
And you have damaged it.
Which makes them now obsessed with you. They won’t let you move on. How dare you! You don’t know who you’ve provoked, who you are dealing with. I will show you. You will regret taking me on. I don’t lose. I’m the narcissist. It’s my life, you’re just occupying it.
It’s not normal for a person to control you after you’ve left them.
There’s absolutely nothing natural about that.
People break up, relationships dissolve, and marriages end, it happens.
I spent years escaping a man. It’s generous to call my husband that. Because a narcissistic stalker lacks empathy making them anything but human. It was consuming, frightening, and exhausting. I felt alone, hopeless and indescribable desperation.
Society didn’t acknowledge the terror.
They dismiss attractive, charming, and successful people. A narcissistic personality disorder is a terrifyingly acceptable mental health disorder. Pretty packages get away with what others can’t.
Because no one can spot them prowling.
Except for the ones they’re hunting.
