A Mom Story: Remembering Honestly
No Pedestals Please
As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I think of my Mom and smile.
- I remember being that little girl who thought she knew everything.
- I remember being that teenager, slamming my bedroom door as we both yelled at each other for whatever reason had us colliding.
- I remember my high school graduation, and the glow that was on her face as I walked across the stage to get my diploma.
- I remember an even bigger glow after I graduated from college.
- I remember her all dressed up for my wedding in a dress that sparkled as she did.
- I remember the pure joy radiating from her at the birth of each of my three children.
- I remember my Dad choosing that same dress she wore to my wedding to give to the funeral home two weeks before my youngest child’s first birthday.
I was fortunate.
My relationship with my mother stemmed from one of a love so deep that it taught me how to love.
She was not perfect. Many of her choices in mothering were different than mine, but there is a thread that ties that love she gave to the love I passed on to her grandchildren and now, to her great grandchildren.
We view mothering through many lenses, but to me the most important issue is that all mothers love the best they can.
There is a multitude of levels of this love, ranging from love so deeply buried that it’s not apparent to the human eye to love that is supportive and unconditional.
Now Sigmund Freud would argue with me, pointing out how most of our problems have something to do with our relationship with our mothers.
My theory is that once we come to an honest look at our mother for the person she was, rather than only seeing her as our Mom, we can move on to become our own person.
Blaming her keeps us stuck in childhood, giving over all our own power to her.
We need to take the best of what she had to offer and develop that in ourselves; learning from any of her failings to work not to pass that part on.
Our children need to do the same with us.
This honest look requires separating out from the greeting card version of motherhood to remember something most children have a hard time doing.
This person who gave birth to us is a woman in her own right; with her own strengths, with her own weaknesses, and here’s the really difficult one, her own needs.
Mothers who try to be all and do all for their children without keeping their own identity, out of a foolish notion that they must totally sacrifice who they are for their children; cheat their children as well as cheating themselves.
It’s an easy trap to fall into with the glorified image of mothers on a pedestal. No wonder so many of us fall from that height!
Yet that’s okay, because being on a pedestal keeps us distant from our children.
My mother made many sacrifices for me, as I did for my children, but both of us never lost our identity in the process.
May our children see us for who we are.
More about my mother:
My education was very important to her as she struggled to give me the choices she never had.
Here’s the prompt from Modern Women that inspired me.
