A List of the Stories About Writing on Medium That Every Medium Writer Has to Write

Usually Within Moments of Arriving On the Platform

There are certain stories about writing on Medium that every Medium writer seems compelled to write, especially if they just got here and have no idea how the platform works yet. What better time to give the rest of us advice or humble brag about how well you’re doing?

Attention Medium Newbies! I’ve compiled this list of Obligatory Posts by Medium Writers about Writing on Medium so you don’t miss writing any of them:

My First Week/Month/Hour/Second on Medium

Claps! What Do They Mean?

What’s With These Jerks Who Only Clap Once?

You Can Clap More Than Once. Who Knew?

Pay No Attention to Your Stats

Hey! Look at my Stats!

I Am Constantly Being Boosted!

I Am Never Boosted. Waah.

Being Boosted is the Holy Grail of Medium and if You aren’t Boosted You Are Total Pond Scum.

Being Boosted Doesn’t Matter.

The Algorithm Isn’t Fair.

The Algorithm is Wise and All-knowing.

I Love You, Tony Stubblebine!

I Hate You, Tony Stubblebine!

Who the Hell is Tony Stubblebine?

I’ve Made a Zillion Dollars/One Hundred Dollars/Two Dollars and Seventy-Three-Cents on Medium and I Couldn’t Be Happier

I’ve Made a Zillion Dollars/One Hundred Dollars/Two Dollars and Seventy -Three-Cents on Medium and It Isn’t Enough

Dr Mehmet Yildiz is a God. (Note: for Illumination writers only)

I Never Check My Stats

I Never Stop Checking My Stats

Stop Checking Your Stats!

Never Stop Checking Your Stats!

I Love Medium and Am Staying Here Forever.

I Hate Medium and am Leaving Here For Good.

Have I left any out? Please post them in the Responses section. If I love them, I’ll add them (and cut you in on the $2.73 I’ll no doubt make from this little listicle.)

Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)