A Guy Says “When Are We Hanging Out”?

Why I am not okay with lazy communication.

When Are We Hanging Out? — When you ask me, properly.

A guy saying: when are we hanging out or when are you coming over or when are you going to visit me or anything that resembles this type of message, by text or by responding to your Instagram stories, is the laziest lowest effort thing that a boy can say.

He is literally fishbating you, dangling something in front of you, so you think: Oh maybe we are going to go out on a date soon. Spoiler alert— No, you are not.

Hanging out it's not dating.

Unfortunately, we seem to have dropped our standards about dating and relationships.

In a previous post, I talked about the importance of knowing what you want, this is relevant because when you don't know what you want, you settle for anything, as I did in the past.

Before changing my mindset about dating and knowing what I want, I would have been so available for guys like these: low-effort guys.

Since I didn’t have standards or boundaries I was okay with not hearing from them for days and days. I was okay with them not respecting my time or my schedule and always expecting ME to be available for them.

Now, we are all very aware of the fact that there are men out there who are not looking for a relationship. You can tell who these men are because when they are not with you, you don’t exist. They contact you once a week or every now and then to hook up and that’s all.

When a man knows he can have you last-minute, he will reach out when he is lonely or bored, not because he is crazy about you. You are basically, an ego-stroke for him. These guys play on their terms and are a total waste of time to women that want a partnership.

Men don’t forget how much they like you. Stop making excuses as to why they’re not making an effort.

• It’s not because he is super busy with work.
• It’s not that the timing is wrong.
• It's not that he is not ready yet.
• It’s not that he doesn't want to ruin the “friendship”.
• Or whatever other justification you want to comment here.

We want to be understanding, we don't want to ask for too much, we don't want to look needy — so we wait for things to develop.

Sticking around does not change people, it just gives them more opportunity to waste your time with the same shitty behavior.

The thing is: these types of situations don't become great relationships. They don't evolve. They either stay as they are or they fall off.

If you want to grow on all levels from dating into a relationship. Then, focus on guys who do want to put in the effort to date you. Actions speak louder than words and that includes the written word.

Having to wonder where you stand with the person you are seeing is where you stand because someone who appreciates you and is genuinely interested in you wouldn't have you questioning where you are in their life.

Remember this — he can’t be interested and inconsistent at the same time.

I know I make it sound so simple and evident, but when we like them so damn much, logic and reasoning don’t matter. We are willing to be patient, keep our expectations low and just see how it all turns out.

We are incredibly hopeful. We like to think that if he wasn’t interested in us, then he wouldn’t contact us, right? — You need to understand that if he is inconsistent with his communication, then he is just not that into you.

Let me say it one more time: If he is not investing his time and energy to spend time with you, if he is not calling and arranging to see you regularly, then he is not that interested in you. He has you in the backburner, basically.

So what can you answer to “when are we hanging out”?

You can say: sounds great, let me know what you have in mind. PERIOD.

This puts the ball back in his court. If he is really looking forward to seeing you, he will have to pick a date and time.

If he doesn't plan the date and you don't hear more from him, that's okay, don't take it personally. Remember this is not the last man on earth. You are good enough to be asked out. Go where you are appreciated. Never sell yourself short.