Boomers and Millennials
A Fake ID? At My Age?
Know where I can get one?
Lately I’ve been thinking about fake IDs. I never had one but, in New York State during the 70s, nothing was easier. Drivers licenses were paper, no photo, with strings of numbers. As you might imagine, some industrious high-schoolers made more than a little side cash producing them.
I knew a guy who had a “phony” as we called them and he was perfect for it. Only a sophomore, this dude was six feet tall. He had a deep voice and sported a five o’clock shadow by the time school let out at 3:30.
Bob would buy us all beer and we’d go drinking behind Westcott Reservoir. “See you at the res!” was the mantra of all the cool kids in Westvale (I was only a friend of a friend of a cool kid, to be honest.)
I usually gave away half my can because: 1) I was a drinking lightweight and 2) This was Syracuse so, often as not, we were standing in knee-deep snow. Is there anything teenagers won’t do to be together?
The reason I’m newly interested in fraudulent documents is that I want my Covid shot. I’m two years shy of the current cutoff. I know it’s wrong to consider deception but I’ve been away from my kids longer than any time since they were born, three decades ago, and it’s starting to get to me.
Turns out it’s not my decision though. I always knew a parent-child role reversal would happen someday. There would come a time when I would be told to turn over the car keys or stop bringing home stray cats.
Covid has accelerated the process. Seemingly overnight the switch was made from me saying, “You can’t spend the night if their parents aren’t home” to them telling me, “No, Mom, you don’t need a haircut during a global pandemic.” I used to ask about their friends. Now they want to know about mine, to make sure I’m not hanging out with people who eat in restaurants.
Our family is figuring out the rules like everyone else but I suddenly realize I don’t make them anymore. I’m looking for just the right time to ask my young bosses about the standard for visiting. Do Dad and I each need one dose of vaccine? Two? Do all of us have to be vaccinated? They’re so young! That will take forever!
Where do you suppose I would get a fake ID? I doubt anyone in my mountain community, where I’m often the youngster, could help me. And even if I secured such a thing, my poker face is the worst. Can you imagine getting caught and escorted out of Walgreen’s?
Who am I kidding? I have no power here. I’ll wait my turn for the vaccine. My kids will tell me the rules. We’ll continue to play online games and visit over zoom.
It’s depressing though. Maybe I’ll just go grab a six-pack. Anybody want to meet me at the res?
Check out my pandemic-themed song parodies and stay safe!