A Definitive Guide to Medium Claps & What They Mean

It is a truth universally acknowledged that nobody really understands what the hell Medium claps mean, but I’m here to throw some much-needed light on this all-important topic with a definitive guide to what my own claps mean on Medium:

1 Clap: I acknowledge your existence.

2 Claps: I give you credit for writing this even though I didn’t actually like it.

3 Claps: Better luck next time.

4 Claps: I respect your idiosyncratic employment of pronouns.

5 Claps: This could have been worse.

6 Claps: Great idea! Abysmal writing.

7 Claps: Great idea! Mediocre writing.

8 Claps: Lame idea. Humdrum writing. But you have 22K followers so I’m giving you 8 Claps.

9 Claps: Love the title! Alas, your creativity drops off sharply after that.

10 Claps: Were you drunk when you wrote this?

11Claps: Too many adverbs!

12 Claps: Great first line! Too bad about the rest of the essay.

13 Claps: I feel sorry for you because of what you have shared about your life here so I am giving you 13 Pity Claps.

14 Claps: I didn’t read this but you clapped 14 times for my last essay which, frankly, was appalling, so you get 14 claps from me.

15 Claps: Learn some grammar before you write anything else, okay?

16: Claps: Your content is soporific but your grammar is impeccable. 16 Claps from me!

17 Claps: Your writing sucks but your profile pic is so adorable I’m giving you a bunch of claps. Are you single?

18 Claps: Too many adverbs!!

19 Claps: This was boosted so it must be good.

20 Claps: This was boosted but whoever boosted it must have been either really drunk or living on Bizarro World.

21 Claps: If this essay were an animal it would be a tiger. I like tigers.

22 Claps: I have never understood poetry so I am giving this 22 Claps in case it’s good.

23 Claps: Roses are red, violets are blue, you clapped for me, so I’m clapping for you.

24 Claps: I’m an insomniac and reading this put me right to sleep. Thanks!

25 Claps: This was really boring but mysteriously, it has received 5K claps so who am I to argue? Jumping on the Clap Bandwagon.

26 Claps: I heard a rumor that reading this gave Coach Tony an orgasm.

27 Claps: Reading this gave ME an orgasm.

28: Claps: This was so bad it’s funny.

29: Claps: Your writing sucks and yet every line of this is highlighted. I clap to acknowledge that mystery.

30 Claps: You seem a little blue today so I’m giving you 30 Claps to cheer you up. You’re welcome.

31 Claps: I howled with laughter reading this. Of course, it wasn’t a humor piece but who cares?

32 Claps: Brilliant! Too bad about all the typos.

33 Claps: This was just as good as it needed to be.

34 Claps: Words fail me. Luckily claps do not.

35 Claps: Your writing is like sunshine on a cloudy day.

36 Claps: When it’s cold outside, your writing is like the month of May.

37 Claps: I guess you’d say what can make me feel this way — your writing. Talkin’ bout your writing. Oooh oooh.

38 Claps: Your writing sucks but you’re my friend IRL, so here’s a bunch of Bogus Applause.

39 Claps: I love this essay to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.

40 Claps: This is amazing. You are my new Medium Writing Crush.

41 Claps: Verily, you are the William Shakespeare of Medium.

42 Claps: I love this almost as much as I love my dog.

43: Claps: You sold your soul to the devil to be able to write like this, right?

44 Claps: What are you doing on Medium? You should be writing for the New York Effing Times.

45 Claps: This is so damn good that I plan to commit it to memory and spend the rest of my life pondering its brilliance.

46 Claps: Better than chocolate.

47 Claps: Better than great sex.

48 Claps: Better than chocolate AND great sex.

49 Claps: If only I had written this.

50 Claps: I wonder if I could plagiarize this and get away with it.

Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)