A Decluttering Guide for Sensitive People

When it’s hard to let go…

If you want to declutter your life but get overwhelmed in the process, you might be a sensitive declutterer.

If your dream is to get all those boxes out of the basement and the attic but you keep getting sidetracked by family mementos and personal keepsakes that you end up stuffing everything back in the box and procrastinating, you are probably a sensitive declutterer.

If you’re wondering how others can sweep through the basement and toss boxes, unopened, to the curb while you feel the need to touch and handle every item before deciding its fate, you’re definitely a sensitive declutterer.

So what is one to do? Are you destined to live with boxes of birthday cards, oodles of children’s drawings, and every photo you have snapped over the years?

No! There is a way for us sensitive types to declutter. It will take longer and you will probably have to do it in stages but you can do it!

Don’t feel bad that you are sensitive and have saved your mom’s old hankies or aprons or that you can’t bear to part with grandma’s cookie cutters and mixing bowl.

Don’t beat yourself up because you still have the baptism gown your daughter wore or your son’s first pair of cowboy boots.

It’s okay to be sentimental. That’s the way you are wired. What’s not okay is to be smothered by material objects or trapped in the past to a degree that it impacts your happiness today or your ability to move on.

It took me three downsizing and decluttering attempts before I finally was able to pare down to the things I needed, loved, and wanted to keep without feeling like I was sacrificing any of the special items I cherished.

I managed to make my way from a 4,200 square foot home with a loaded basement to a 2,200 square foot home with limited storage to a 1,100 square foot apartment and finally to an 880 square foot tiny home.

To be sure, this took time — we made three moves over the course of six years to get to this place. But even if you have to make a major transition in a short amount of time, there are some basic strategies and tips that will help you get there.

So, let’s tackle this conundrum with some easy steps that will get you on the road to decluttering, help you overcome indecision and procrastination, and help you avoid regrets.

Start with the easy stuff. You may need to build your decluttering stamina so don’t start with items that will trigger your emotions. Get rid of duplicate kitchen items — you really only need one set of pans, dishes, and silverware. Send holiday decorations you no longer use to the thrift store. Start going through junk drawers.

Choose joy! Marie Kondo has a simple method for decluttering. For those harder to part with items like clothing, books, and jewelry: hold it for a second and ask if it brings you joy.

Trust your gut instinct and if you really love it, put it in a keep pile. If you find yourself justifying why you should keep it (i.e. it was my mother’s, it was a gift, I spent a lot of money on it, etc) but you really don’t love it, then put it in the giveaway pile and move on. Someone else will love it.

It helps to have a guide or friend during this process so you don’t get stuck. If you are getting stuck, stop for now and move on to something else. Some space and time are usually all we need to be able to let go.

If in doubt, keep it or ask someone to hold it for you. You might be emotionally attached to the antique bed frame that was in your grandmother’s house but you don’t have room for it right now. Do you have a granddaughter or niece who could use the bed and hold onto it for you? You’ll probably find that once the item is out of your sight for a while you’ll be able to let it go permanently.

If you have a lot of sentimental items and don’t have time to go through them all, box them up and find a small storage unit. A caution here: this is not an excuse to keep everything and play the out-of-sight-out-of-mind game. The storage unit is a temporary solution — you will need to revisit these items eventually.

Enlist the help of family and friends. If making your way through years of accumulated stuff has you completely overwhelmed, find a trusted friend or family member that you know will be patient with you to help you make your way through the process.

Not all who have good intentions are a good choice for you as a sensitive declutterer. The last thing you need is someone pushing you to part with things that will make you feel anxious.

If there is someone who can help you organize your piles, carry boxes to the car for the thrift store, and genuinely be patient with you as you talk through some of the harder items, then you have a real gem in your corner, so use them!

There are no rules. When it comes to decluttering, there are no rules! Don’t let those minimalist legalists tell you that you can only have 30 books or 30 items of clothing, or that you must part with all your craft supplies.

This is your journey, and as a sensitive declutterer, you need to make these decisions for yourself or you’ll be plagued by guilt and regret and that’s not what we’re going for here. The goal is freedom and joy.

There’s no shame in attaching emotions to an object. If you lost someone close to you and using or seeing an item reminds you of them, that’s not a bad thing. It becomes a problem if everything has an emotional attachment to it. That can signify unhealed trauma or loss.*

Saving a few items that bring back warm memories of loved ones is nothing to feel bad about. The trick is to curate your collections and find loving ways to store or display them so you are not drowning in items from the past.

*Consider therapy if you find material things are triggering painful memories or if you feel guilty about letting things go.

Watch Hoarders for a reality check. All past seasons of Hoarders or Hoarding: Buried Alive can be found on streaming services. These shows can be hard to watch but they offer a reality check around saving and clutter.

Do you have hoarding tendencies? You might recognize yourself in some of these stories. They might be triggering, but I’ve found it’s one way to calibrate my sentimentalism.

How much is enough to save? And how much of why we save is to fill a hole in our hearts or a wayward attempt to manage anxiety?

These are important questions to ask if you find decluttering particularly painful or distressing.

Take it in stages. One of the most disturbing things about watching Hoarders is how they force the hoarder to part with years of accumulated stuff in the course of a few days. This can be traumatic and stressful so please space your decluttering efforts.

On the other hand, do set some goals so you have a sense of urgency. Otherwise, the decluttering efforts will get pushed to the back burner.

Procrastination is the Achille’s heal for us sensitive types. Setting goals, enlisting friends for accountability, and staying focused on why you want to declutter will keep you moving forward.

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