A Day in the Life of a Working Single Mom
When you’re juggling multiple roles, there is no typical day
I am a mother; a divorced mother, a single mother, a co-parenting mother, a working mother, a student mother, a boy-mom, and a girl-mom.
I sat down to write about my typical day, a day in the life of piece, but when you’re juggling multiple roles, there is simply no such thing. When you’re a single, working mom, every day is different. Single parents, especially those of us who are uncoupled, fulfill all the roles and manage all the surprises.
Most days I feel like my life is a big obstacle course, yet I keep moving forward — with velocity, until I crash, then start again.
Single parents do it all, and we rarely have a break, for when the kids do go to the other parent, we pick up all the other pieces of our lives.
We do the homework and the last-minute science projects — running around the house collecting empty toilet paper rolls and running to the store late-night for poster board! We make the dinner, and pickup and drop-off, and buy the birthday presents, and get the clothes ready, and make the lunches, and bathe, and read bedtime stories, and clean up from dinner, and kiss the boo-boos and hear what happened at recess and clean the house and bathe the other kid, and make breakfast, and discipline this one and discipline that one and break up this argument and do the bills, and pick up the toys, and talk to the teacher, and go to conferences, and take to the dentist, and play Barbies, and play legos and dance in the kitchen, and cuddle at bedtime, and kiss this one good night, and give that one just one more hug — before we collapse, gracefully, and then do it all over again.
We hold our shit together (most days) when we’re ready to just fall apart, and then we kiss them goodnight and unravel and do it all over again the next day.
It’s hard. It’s worth it of course, AND it’s hard as hell.
Here is a somewhat typical day in the life of me when I do have the kids:
I wake up at 6:24 a.m. and snooze until 6:30 a.m. when I will myself out of bed, slip out of my pajamas, and into my workout clothes; a little trick for my brain to get into exercise mode when I return, which admittedly doesn’t always work.
I even lay out my yoga mat sometimes or put my barbells in the middle of my bedroom floor; anything to trick myself into much-needed and often neglected exercise!
I brush my teeth, wash my face, and throw a beanie on my head — no time for hairdos! I wake up one kid, then the other, then head to the kitchen.
But first coffee! I turn on my espresso machine, almost on automatic, and brew the first (of many) shots to fuel my day.
I get breakfast ready and lunches packed, and then I wake up the kids again. Sometimes I help dress the little one. She’s seven but she’ll always be my little girl and I cherish the extra three minutes of sweet cuddle time with her in the mornings. I usually have to call the other one to the table at least three more times — threatening the departure of the mom-bus!
Eventually, and for sure by 6:50 a.m. they sit down to eat. They eat as I read from The Daily Stoic — some wisdom for the day on awareness, resilience, or kindness. As long as they’re listening — they’re eating! And I get closer to meeting my challenge of 21 books in 2021!
By 7:00 a.m. they’re brushing teeth and I’m cleaning dishes, doing hair, and herding them to the door. The mom bus leaves for drop-offs at 7:10 a.m. and returns home at 7:40. I have now been awake for just over an hour and I am already, or maybe still, exhausted! I come home, make the little’s bed, and either workout, write or update my Instagram, which then sucks me into the rabbit hole that is social media. If I can will myself away, I’ll hop on my yoga mat and ground!
However I use this hour and a half before the workday begins, I use it for me. It may be the only time today that I will have for me, and I know that I need it to recharge.
From 9:00 a.m. and until 2:45 p.m. it’s meetings and zoom-calls, and emails, and phone calls — I’m in full-on work mode racing against the clock! And then it’s pick-up time; I pick one up at 3:00 p.m., the other at 4:30 p.m., trying to work in between while making popcorn and cutting cucumbers, and helping with homework, and, and, and…with the little one.
My me-time is officially over.
At 4:30 p.m. I pick up the other, try to work a few more minutes while giving my undivided attention to him after a long day, send them both off to finish homework or take some downtime, and make dinner. Then it’s clean up from dinner time, and baths and reading and writing in our journals and maybe a little television all cuddled up in my bed, and then they both get tucked in, each with their own little routines, and by 9:00 p.m. I am ready to fall on my face.
But then I often have some work to finish or some writing/editing to do, or some reading or a workout I avoided in the daytime or a bill to pay or a collector to call…it never ends.
Eventually, I collapse. And then the alarm goes off at 6:24 a.m. and we do it all over again!
I am exhausted but grateful for the precious time with my kids, for my happy home, for my job, for my strength…I am grateful for my life. And I’m exhausted.
Here is a somewhat typical day in the life of me when I do NOT have the kids:
I get up a little later; maybe 7:00 a.m. and I work out, write, read, and do the social media thing.
I make myself a pampering cappuccino in a pretty cup with a motivating slogan and settle into my day far more gently and peacefully.
I work and I don’t have to pick anyone up at 3:00, and then again at 4:30 — so I work longer, full days — uninterrupted — which also affords me normal, quiet nights. On the days I don’t have my kids I honor my boundaries and check myself out of work no later than 6:00 p.m. — nothing is that important.
My self-care takes a front seat when my kids are with their dad.
At the end of the day, I recharge; be it with friends or with a quiet night with myself. For the last three years, I have been a student, earning another Master’s degree while working full time and parenting, and now I am studying for the dreaded licensing exam so at night — I often jump into student mode too.
As I said — it never ends. But it’s good — all good — mostly good — and I am grateful. Exhausted AND grateful.
Truth be told I think I might get bored if I did have a more typical day. I like change and I thrive in fast-paced mode. I’ve never thought about that before!
What about you? Do you have a typical day and what does it look like? Tell us about ‘a day in the life’ of you and see what new truths you uncover!
Galit Birk, PhD is a life coach and a soon-to-be-therapist. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram, and use her referral link to sign up for Medium membership.
Thank you Ramblings Anon for the prompt. It was fun! See her original ‘Day in a Life’ piece below: