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Summary

The website content is a poignant letter from an adult to their younger self, offering guidance and reassurance before a long battle with an eating disorder.

Abstract

In a heartfelt letter to her 11-year-old self, the author reflects on the innocence and strength of her younger years, reassuring herself that the light within will endure despite the impending struggle with an eating disorder. She emphasizes the importance of reaching out for support from family and friends, cherishing childhood joys, and maintaining self-worth amidst the pressures of competitive figure skating. The author acknowledges the distorted perceptions of self-worth that contributed to her eating disorder but also affirms her unique value and the love of those around her. She speaks of the upcoming challenges, the fight ahead, and the eventual recovery, expressing regret for not reaching out sooner but promising to be there through the journey. The letter serves as a beacon of hope, proof of survival, and an invitation to celebrate victories, no matter how small.

Opinions

  • The author expresses unconditional love for her younger self and mourns the loss of innocence due to the eating disorder.
  • She advises her younger self to prioritize play and friendship over the pressures of competitive sports, viewing them as spirit-strengthening rather than body-focused activities.
  • The author recognizes the competitive environment of figure skating as a potential trigger for her eating disorder, warning against comparing oneself to others.
  • She highlights the importance of seeking help and leaning on family and friends during times of fear, worry, and pain.
  • The author acknowledges the long-lasting impact of friendships formed in childhood, particularly the support received from her best friend.
  • She regrets the decision to restrict food, seeing it as a misguided attempt to enhance her skating performance and self-worth.
  • The author is optimistic about recovery, reassuring her younger self that she will one day live without the burden of the eating disorder.
  • She apologizes for not intervening earlier and expresses a commitment to being a source of strength and comfort through the difficult times ahead.
  • The author encourages readers to support her work, indicating a desire to continue writing and sharing her experiences to help others.

A Cry Before My Fall

Letter to my 11-year-old self before my 36 years Eating Disorder.

Photo of author, 11-year-old figure skater

Dear 11-year-old Me,

I love you. I miss your innocent laughter, curiosity, courage, and gentle spirit. You have a light shining deep in your soul that will have a shadow cast over it for a very, very long time.

I am here to tell you that light will not go out. You will keep it burning through the darkness to lead your way to where I am today. Don’t give up. Stay strong and ask for help with anything that scares, worries, or pains you. Reach out to Mom and Dad. Everything they do is to support and love you. Talk to your brothers. Even though they may not understand, they are your people, and you are theirs. Having hands to hold and shoulders to cry on will give you better days and years when the shadow is further behind you.

Run and play till your exhaustion brings you home at dusk. Ride bikes, climb trees and chase your friends around on the playground. Make this play a priority for strengthening your spirit, not exercise for your body. Grade school has its drama, and your life will be drastically changing soon but spend as much time with your best friend as you can. Her friendship has a lasting effect of carrying you through the years.

Your ice skating gives you so much joy, excitement, camaraderie, and pride. Don’t let the challenge and competition lead you to compare yourself to others. You are all at different stages and levels. Work hard to shine in your talent.

Forcing yourself to be lighter so you can jump higher and move more elegantly is a distorted view of your already achieved skill. This decision to start restricting your food is only the beginning of thinking you are of less worth than the other skaters, your friends, or anyone you are around. You are unique and wonderful, and your friends and family love you exactly as you are today. Don’t ever forget that even when you are pulled in the direction to harm yourself and force yourself to be someone you are not.

Your friends and family will continue to fight for you. The cherished friends you will make will walk with you in this journey to your recovery celebration.

Farewell for now. I am in your heart and believe you can survive this Eating Disorder. You will smile, laugh, and yell for joy without this burden one day. I am proof. Celebrate your victories along the way, for I know each day will be a struggle.

I am sorry I didn’t reach out to talk to you sooner. I will cry for you now before your fall and be there to pick you up and carry you forward. I saved a seat for you at our celebration.

Thank you for reading. Please buy me a coffee to energize me and fuel my better writing days ahead if you enjoyed this article. Feel free to contact me at [email protected] to share further comments.

Check out one of my other articles. Thanks for your support.

Dear Writer
Letters To Myself
Eating Disorders
Recovery
Hope
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