The Price to Pay

A poem for a friend who passed away & a message on grief

Who knew your smile would fade away You fought for one week but couldn’t stay I wonder what your last thoughts were If you were enjoying that summer night’s sweet air

The news spread fast across the town We hoped but you were ready for your flower crown A pain so deep and silent For a loss so violent

Saying farewell was hard But it was harder still to disregard That those responsible walked free And now you’re just a spirit of the sea

I hope you didn’t feel fear That everything instantly became luminous and clear I know your memory won’t be forlorn As your smile and kindness will live on

This poem is about my friend, Theo, who passed away when we were 19. He was in a car with three other people who were all drunk (including the driver). The driver lost control of the car and Theo was the only one who was severely injured.

He was taken to Thessaloniki (the second largest city in Greece) with a helicopter. As I’ve already mentioned in my poem about my other friend who passed away about 5 years before Theo (you can read it here), if someone needs to be taken by helicopter from the island to Athens (or Thessaloniki), then it’s likely that they won’t make it back alive.

Theo’s death hit me hard, not only because it was unexpected but because I was still processing my brother’s death from 2.5 years before. My parents really couldn’t deal with grief and they still can’t. They just ignore it and pretend everything’s fine.

On the night following Theo’s funeral, my parents and my sister had a “great idea to cheer me up”. I didn’t need to be cheered up though, I just wanted to be left alone. They said that I shouldn’t spend the night crying for something that can’t be undone.

Their great idea was to go for a walk at a nearby popular sea-side place. However, the only way to get there was to drive by the place where the accident happened. It was horrible. Flowers and candles were still there, and the tire marks on the road were still visible. I started crying and my parents apologized. Apparently they hadn’t thought it through.

We made it to the sea-side place and they kept talking about irrelevant things. I was quiet and just waited for the whole thing to finish so we could get back home. We made a 30-minute detour to avoid passing by the same place on the way home.

Theo was a very kind and generous person, who always smiled. He loved football and dogs. He had many friends. All the “grown ups” kept telling us (all of Theo’s friends) to not cry and that Theo wouldn’t want us to be sad.

While this is something that many people say when someone passes away, it’s better to allow the person who is in grief to express their emotions the way they want to. Also, trying to cheer up someone who is mourning isn’t advisable if they still need time to process things.

If you can’t tolerate grief or being around grieving people, please don’t try to speed up the process. There are no right and wrong ways to grieve. Even if you don’t know what to do, just being there for the other person is enough. Respecting their wishes is also enough.

Thank you for reading about Theo.

After all these years, my takeaway message is that grief is a natural process and it doesn’t have to be traumatic.

Also, please don’t drink and drive.