I Will Always Remember You

A poem about my friend who passed away 18 years ago

I often wondered where you went If your journey began while you dreamt The years have passed for me Are you still fourteen or are you free?

I still wonder if anyone else remembers you Those who truly cared were too few I don’t know if you were around to see That they regretted bullying you to that degree

I think back to my last memory of you Laying in the coffin with a smile as if you knew Then I remember all the smiles and laughs we shared When we talked and you were not scared

My sweet, dear friend, I will always remember you And through this life that I pursue I will always be honored to say That I was perhaps the only one who knew you that way

Renata was a very quiet and shy child. She had a peculiar beauty, and thick curly black shoulder-length hair. She avoided eye contact and hated loud noises. Sometimes she would flap her hands and do other stimming behaviors. Knowing what I know now, I think she may have been autistic. We first met in the first grade, even though she lived only 2 minutes away from my home. She never had friends and was a constant target for bullying and mocking.

We slowly started spending more time together because I felt that I had to protect her. Her mother wouldn’t allow her to attend any parties because she was a single mom and most of the other parents were speaking badly of her. In a small town in Greece, so many years ago, being a single parent and living your life was equal to a crime. So, Renata was isolated.

She had never missed a day of school. Never. I remember the last day I saw her alive. We were on a break and she kept saying that she had a really bad headache. The next day that she wasn’t at school, I feared something bad had happened.

The principal came in our class and said that Renata had a brain aneurism that possibly erupted in her sleep. He explained to us all the efforts of the doctors in the local hospital, and how nothing could be done due to lack of equipment. Then he explained how they transferred her to the capital (Athens) via helicopter.

By that age, we all knew that if someone has to be transferred via helicopter to Athens, chances are they won’t make it because this meant that the condition was very critical. The principal’s really graphic descriptions about how she was found unresponsive in her bed and what they tried at the hospital didn’t help either.

A few days later we got the news that Renata never made it out of the coma. I was mostly shocked when I saw that those who were bullying her daily were crying and saying how unfair her death was.

From the age of 11 until her last day, we used to walk together after school. She was going home and I was going to my grandparents’. Some times we were both quiet, other times we would say jokes or talk about our plans for the next day. She always had the funniest jokes to share, and hearing her laugh was delightful.

For many years following her death I was angry at her bullies. I was also angry at all the teachers who knew what was going on but didn’t care to intervene. Now I feel happy when I remember her, because I feel that she had given me some sort of treasure by allowing me to witness her other sides.

My happiest memories of her are her smile, the way she would place her hair behind her left ear, her love for jasmine flowers, her all-time favorite song (“Amor A La Mexicana” by Thalia) and her last favorite song (“Dilemma” by Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland).

Thank you for reading about Renata.