Chronic Pain Was My New Normal. Then I Healed
But first, I had to believe it was possible to heal.
“If you can’t get beyond your stresses, your problems, and your pain, you can’t create a new future where those things don’t exist.” — Joe Dispenza
In the dark days when my arthritis and chronic pain were at their worst, I used to be massively triggered by anyone who bade me farewell with the simple platitude, “Hope you feel better soon.”
They didn’t mean any harm by it, my friends and family were simply trying to help, but it set me off. I would thank them politely, then quickly extradite myself from the social situation to cry alone.
Why did this simple phrase set my teeth on edge? Easy — I believed it was impossible to “feel better” ever again, let alone soon. I steadfastly believed this state of constant pain was my new normal, and I was going to have to learn how to live with it.
I didn’t like it, but that’s just the way it was — or so I thought.
Your Thoughts Are a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
The funny thing about thoughts is that you tend to get what you think is coming, making your thoughts a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Consider this:
People without chronic pain wake up with a sore knee and think, “huh, that’s weird. I wonder what I did. Oh well, it’ll be gone in a few days.” They believe their pain will be gone because that’s always what’s happened in the past — the pain comes, and then it goes.
People with chronic pain wake up with a sore knee, and their stomach drops. They think, “Oh my god, I have a new sore spot. I guess I have to learn how to live with this one too, because it’s with me now, maybe forever.” Chronic pain has conditioned them to think like this — because in their past, the pain comes, and it stays.
In this way, your past experiences dictate your present and your future — I’ve felt pain in the past, so I’ll continue to feel pain now, and I’ll wake up to pain again tomorrow. Joe Dispenza sums it up like this:
“When you think from your past memories, you can only create past experiences. As all of the “knowns” in your life cause your brain to think and feel in familiar ways, thus creating knowable outcomes, you continually reaffirm your life as you know it.” — Joe Dispenza
You Can Change Your Reality, but Only if You Believe Change Is Possible
It wasn’t until I flipped the switch on my beliefs and truly started to understand that chronic pain did not have to be a part of my life that my pain started to alleviate. Not a lot at first, but bit by bit, my pain went from a 9 to a 1. Today, my pain level is 0, as it was the day before and the day before that.
Three years ago, I wouldn’t have thought that was possible — and because of that very belief, a state free from chronic pain was not possible for me at that moment. Until I genuinely believed it to be possible, it wouldn’t happen. Once again, Joe Dispenza puts it best:
“We’re addicted to our beliefs; we’re addicted to the emotions of our past. We see our beliefs as truths, not ideas that we can change. If we have very strong beliefs about something, evidence to the contrary could be sitting right in front of us, but we may not see it because what we perceive is entirely different. We’ve conditioned ourselves to believe all sorts of things that aren’t necessarily true — and many of these things are having a negative impact on our health and happiness.”
For healing to happen, I first had to believe it was actually possible. Without that steadfast belief, I wouldn’t have remained committed to changing my self-talk, thoughts, and behaviors. I would have continued in my same old patterns and gotten the same old outcome — pain.
Believing You Can Heal Is Step 1, Then You Have To Follow Through With Action
Believing I could heal was absolutely necessary to do so, but belief on its own is not enough. Once you know in your heart that the power to change is inside of you — yes, you — then you’re ready to take action. These are some of the behavioral and mindset changes I implemented to take my pain from a 9 to a 1:
- Meditating daily
- Visualizing the life I want
- Saying positive affirmations
- Keeping a gratitude journal
- Reframing negative self-talk
- Removing negative words in general
- Reaching for the next best thought
1. Meditating Daily
This was a serious gamechanger. I truly believe I would not be free of pain today had I not started meditating. It helped reduce my anxiety about my pain majorly — and science backs this up. During meditation, I transfer my attention from my thoughts to my breath.
2. Visualizing the Life I Want
Visualization is a bit different from meditation. Here, my focus is on visualizing the life I want to be living — kind of like watching a movie in my mind. Sometimes I focus on every single aspect of my day — from the moment I wake up to when I lay down to sleep. Other times, I’ll focus on a single activity that I want to do, like going to the gym and working out.
Sometimes I would cry coming out of these visualizations, not because I was sad, but because I was happy. So incredibly happy to be running, exercising, or pain-free — even if I hadn’t manifested it in my physical world yet.
3. Saying Positive Affirmations
When I was in pain, I reminded myself of what I was capable of using positive “I AM” affirmations. Phrases like:
“I am not defined by my pain.”
“I am grateful for my body and the life I live.”
“I am powerful. I have the power to heal.”
I wrote these on sticky notes and stuck them all around the house — on my bedroom walls, the bathroom mirror, the door — anywhere I would see them often.
Pro Tip: Write a list of affirmations that resonate with you, then record yourself saying them. Listen to this throughout the day — hearing them in your voice is incredibly powerful. You can do this for free by using the Voice Memos app that comes pre-installed on iPhones.
4. Keeping a Gratitude Journal
Keeping a gratitude journal reminded me to be thankful for what I could do at that moment instead of focusing on what I couldn’t. Plus, gratitude’s effects go beyond your mental health — it can improve your physical health too. Research shows gratitude can reduce inflammation and blood pressure and help us sleep better.
5. Reframing Negative Self-Talk
This one is huge. We all know that starting the morning with positive intentions is one thing — but carrying them throughout the day is quite another. Inevitably, you’re going to slip up at one point and fall back into old patterns.
When you find yourself speaking negatively in your mind, reframe it. For example, when you’re beating yourself up for not being able to get into bed because your body is stiff from pain (true story), instead say:
“I may not be able to do this on my own now, but that’s okay. It’s not forever; my body is healing.”
6. Removing Negative Words in General
Did you know your brain can’t process negatives? So when you’re thinking, “I don’t want to be in pain,” your brain sort of skips over the “don’t” part and just hears PAIN, PAIN, PAIN. Being accommodating, your brain then gives you exactly what it thinks you want — pain. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, flip it around to focus on what you DO want.
Change “I don’t want to be in pain” to something like:
“I want my body to move through space easily.”
“I want to feel energized.”
“I want to flow.”
7. Reaching for the Next Best Thought
I learned this gem from Gabrielle Bernstein in her book, Super Attractor. Gabby calls this The Choose Again Method. Here’s how you do it:
- Recognize that you’ve had a negative thought
- Forgive yourself for having that thought
- Choose a different thought by asking yourself, “What is the best-feeling thought I can find right now?”
You can do this repeatedly, always reaching for a better-feeling thought, until you go from very sad to happy gradually, instead of trying to make a colossal shift.
You may find incorporating one or all of the above into your daily routine helps you manage your chronic pain as they did for me.
But remember — looking for an external“fix” for your pain is not the answer. Healing is an inside job — and it starts with your beliefs. Action without belief will yield limited results. Belief, on its own, is a great beginning, but it’s not enough. Belief, coupled with action, is the winning combo when it comes to relieving chronic pain.
“Healing requires from us not to stop struggling, but to enjoy life more and endure it less.” — Darina Stoyanova
