Foreplay Begins Just After My Last Orgasm
We keep our relationship rolling with ongoing connection
One of the wisest bits of advice I think I’ve ever heard about maintaining a good relationship is that foreplay should start right after her last orgasm. The reason that’s such a great idea for keeping more than just your sexual relationship fresh is that it advocates for ongoing intentional connection of both the physical and the emotional kind. No taking each other for granted, no relaxing into old ruts, no perfunctory sex where she might not even have an orgasm at all.
Women need time to warm up and foreplay is also a vital part of a woman’s enjoyment of sex. Quite often men can just think about sex and get an erection. That’s not the way female bodies are designed to work. They need their desire to be stoked and physical stimulation in order to be able to get lubricated enough to enjoy penetration comfortably and to be in a state where climax is even possible.
As Men’s Health so aptly put it, “The rubbing, touching, kissing, and talking before sex that is foreplay is as vital to good sex as actual intercourse itself. It helps relax both of you, get you in the mood, boosts your libidos, and gets blood flowing to the requisite erogenous zones that light up before and during sex. Do it right, and you’ll prime your partner for an incredible orgasm. So, like a light jog is integrated into your run or heating up the grill is part of the cooking process, foreplay needs to be an integrated part of your sex life.”
The conventional wisdom is that foreplay should last anywhere from 15–30 minutes and although I enjoy that much before penetrative sex (sex for women includes things other than just P in V), it’s not all that often that James and I have enough time together to allow for it. Fortunately, once I learned to take the lid off of my sex box, and more fully integrate my sexual identity into my larger self, I don’t always need that much time to be ready to go. Particularly not with James, because we have long-established sexual chemistry, and subtle foreplay is taking place a lot of the time.
We have a young adult living at home and so James and I often find ourselves having sex in the morning when our son is still asleep. We might be laying in bed, drinking coffee, and checking messages first thing, but we are also touching hands or feet, talking to each other, and otherwise affirming our connection and our relationship. Things might escalate or they might not. If we don’t have sex at that time, the foundation has been laid for later in the day.
James has recently retired and so our schedules are a little bit less hectic and stressful than they used to be, although it still takes intention for us to connect with each other. Overall, we are pretty verbally and physically affectionate. We hug and kiss often and express thanks on a regular basis for doing helpful or kind things for each other. When we are doing that faithfully, things go pretty well, even if we only have a few minutes together to be sexually intimate. When we don’t make the effort, that’s when intimacy starts to break down. It’s also when we find ourselves bickering and more apt to be short with each other. On-going foreplay doesn’t just improve our sex lives, it improves our entire relationship.
We’ve had workmen of various kinds in the house pretty much since James retired and I’m still wrapping up some things related to leaving my main job. But pretty soon, we’re going to have bigger stretches of time alone together in the middle of the day. It’s going to be a whole new world, and I’m looking forward to not having to rush our sexual intimacy quite so often and to more foreplay right before intercourse but also throughout the day. When foreplay begins directly after my last orgasm, we have more and better sex, but also a more connected relationship.
© Copyright, Elle Beau 2019
