9 Ways to Use NO-vember to Change Your Life

How to intentionally choose your priorities this month

People will tell you that women haven’t been taught to say “no.” But that’s not exactly accurate. While it’s certainly not been encouraged, the bigger picture is that women have always known how to say “no.” We’ve said it often, but the patriarchy system we’re living in hasn’t felt inclined to listen. That’s still true. Maybe that’s why I love the idea of NO-vember. While anyone can participate, as a woman, I feel a particular satisfaction in the idea of a blanket NO covering the whole month.

9 Life-Changing Ways to Practice NO-vember

I don’t know who came up with the idea of bringing the “No” to the forefront of November, but I appreciate it. It’s a powerful idea to bring our intention to declining what doesn’t align with our lives. Plus, there’s flexibility in how we choose to practice this month.

1. No to Spending

This one will hurt the feelings of anyone planning some good old-fashioned Black Friday shopping, but some people are making November a no-spend November. For those of us who got a little too comfortable online shopping during the pandemic (I’m calling myself out here), it might be time to cut back on all unnecessary spending. I do realize the winter holidays are approaching, but I can see the value of taking time to manage our finances with more intention.

There’s a general 50/30/20 finance rule that says 50% of our income should be allocated to bills and essential, 30% should go to the things we want, and the other 20% should go directly into a savings account and/or debt repayment. If we make $4,000 each month, which is higher than the average American’s take-home pay after taxes, that means we would need to have bills, groceries, and gas under $2,000 per month. Yet, most states average about $1,372 a month for rent alone with mortgage costs coming in at a higher amount. Our wants would total $1,200 of that $4,000 monthly income, and we would have $800 each month to spend toward debt repayment and savings.

Did the 1% come up with this budgeting tool? Because I don’t know anyone in my life who can afford this. Instead of following an arbitrary rule that doesn’t factor in the financial reality of most people, we can use the month of NO-vember to limit unnecessary spending, save where we can, and come up with plans to increase debt repayment. It can be a time to decide what we can do rather than holding ourselves to a rule that doesn’t reflect the financial situation we’re managing.

2. No to Shaving

NO-Shave November isn’t new. It’s a movement designed to bring awareness to cancer prevention and to support people battling this terrible disease. An offshoot of this is Movember, where men grow mustaches and other facial hair to raise awareness about men’s mental health, suicide, testicular cancer, and prostate cancer. In both cases, the point is to participate to educate, spread awareness, and even raise funds for the cause. Women can also participate if they want to challenge gender norms related to shaving body hair.

3. No to Alcohol

Another way to use the “no” in November is to abstain from alcohol for the month. Many people have embraced the sober-curious movement to explore how cutting alcohol out of their lives could positively impact their health. This is another life-changing way to use the power of the word “no.”

Although I’m mostly a social drinker these days and don’t consume enough to make abstaining worthwhile, even I can see that there is a stigma around not drinking. Social narratives tend to normalize regular consumption of alcohol, which can make recovery from alcohol abuse particularly challenging for many. NO-vember can be a great way for those curious about the sober life to give it a try or to simply walk a mile in the shoes of someone who doesn’t drink and see how that feels.

4. No to Dating

What if we, the single, don’t want to “put ourselves out there?” What if we want to sit at home and decline to participate in the low-effort online dating we’re seeing on dating apps? NO-vember is a great time to say no to dating and say YES to friends and fun all month long. We can opt out of the pressure of finding a partner and enjoy the season without the stress. We can use this time of not dating to enrich our lives without spending all our energy and emotional resources looking for a partner.

For those who don’t want to quit dating, another option is to simply turn up the power of “no” by declining the following behaviors. We can stop engaging with low-effort potential partners and ignore red flags in favor of chemistry and/or attraction. We can stop having casual sex with people looking for committed relationships. We can quit reaching out to ask why someone ghosted and just let them go. We can stop being the ones to carry all dating conversations. We can even, finally, break our past history of bad relationships by changing our patterns rather than expecting potential partners to do the changing.

5. No to Obligations

A powerful act this month can be saying “no” to obligations. For instance, someone who doesn’t want to spend the holidays doing the expected family get-together can be empowered to make a new plan. We can use this month to say “yes” only to obligations we would enjoy and start using our “no” more firmly. Instead of taking on more responsibility, we can give ourselves a break.

I’m as guilty of overworking myself as anyone. In my last full-time position, I took on project after extra project to help out and be a good team player. Yet, it didn’t prevent me from disability discrimination and losing my job when my chronic illness began worsening. They were happy to have me on the team when I could help everyone else with their work, but when I needed accommodations, I found myself out in the cold without the employment or the health insurance necessary to manage my condition. If I could go back, I would say no to the extra projects outside of my work responsibilities. The added stress did not earn me any extra loyalty or benefits. It only made me feel overworked and underappreciated.

6. No to Leaving the Comfort Zone

November is a great month to say “no” to leaving the comfort zone. In my part of the world, the temperatures are dropping. As it gets colder, I want to stay inside and be cozy — not go outside and do things. Maybe this is the month for staying home and catching up on our shows and reading.

Usually, we push people to leave their comfort zones, but maybe this month we should revel in them. That also means we can begin to truly love and accept ourselves as we are rather than waiting for our aspirational selves to finally appear. Honestly, this will be a challenge for me. I’ve put on some weight during the last few months of struggling with financial stressors and mental health issues, and I’m not at all comfortable with it. But what if I learned to love myself as I am while taking healthy steps to get to where I want to be? There’s a self-loving way to be who we are right now while still intentionally living in a way that aligns with the growth we want to see.

7. No to Dieting

This is the perfect entry into the subject of dieting. Maybe this month we just say no to it. We can add in more nutritious foods without restricting the foods we enjoy. There’s a way to eat healthier without feeling like we’re punishing ourselves or having to “earn” food with exercise. November is a great month to examine toxic diet and body culture. It’s also a great time to refuse to punish our bodies for existing and holding them to impossible standards. No to dieting. Yes, to self-love and self-acceptance.

8. No to Bad Habits

November is also a good time to look at any bad habits we have and make a choice to quit them. For instance, my executive dysfunction has made me a messy person. Maybe some of the issue is that I’m a creative person with a busy mind, but I also have suspected that I may have ADHD based on some recent observations from a friend. Living in chaos was a bad habit that I didn’t know how to break, but now I have found ways to help manage my household without everything sliding back into a disaster.

There were bad habits in the way that I kept the house that I couldn’t see because I felt so overwhelmed by it all. Now, I have new, healthier habits that keep me on track. It’s been a relief to realize that I don’t have to stay stuck in the same old pattern. I can create new ones that work better for my life.

We all have bad habits. I’m learning to interrupt less, another potential ADHD symptom I’ve noticed. I’m working on being a better listener and not indulging in online shopping when I’m having an impulse-control issue. I’m not trying to be perfect. That will never happen. But I am looking at my bad habits and addressing them.

9. No to Energy Vampires

Another powerful no is to decline to engage with energy vampires and people who don’t align with our journeys right now. Some relationships bring us down, and it’s okay to take a break from them. At times in our lives, the energy is simply misaligned, and even friendships can use healthy space to breathe. It’s okay to recognize when we’re feeling depleted by our relationships and doing something about it.

Honestly, I spent years of my life in one-sided relationships. It took a long time to develop strong friendships that feel balanced. I found friends that align with my life path, and there’s an ease to those relationships. We spend time together when we have the energy and time for it, and we don’t take it personally when one or both of us need time to ourselves or simply don’t feel like engaging. There’s a reciprocal energy that doesn’t feel draining; it even feels rejuvenating.

The Many Benefits of NO-vember

Ah, the many benefits of NO-vember! We can choose to address unhealthy habits and work on self-improvement, bring attention to a cause, or simply decline to do anything more than what brings us satisfaction, fulfillment, and pleasure. We can practice self-acceptance and learn to build stronger boundaries in our lives. We can improve our health or reduce our stress with a few simple but powerful changes.

I haven’t decided on one particular way to spend the month. I’m still considering my options. I know that I don’t want to diet, but I do want to focus more on fitness because it supports my mental health. I don’t want to watch a scale, but I do want to get stronger and have more energy. I want to improve my financial situation, but I want to learn to practice self-care while I’m doing it rather than staying stressed out through the process.

NO-vember gives us many options. In a single month, we can make some changes that could have lasting effects. Or we can say “no” to NO-vember and just do what we want. That option is acceptable, too.

The point is that we have the personal agency to make some choices, and a new month is as good a time as any. In fact, we can choose to make our “yes” and “no” more intentional, whether it’s at the start of a new month or in the middle of one. We just need to remember that we have choices, and when we say “no” to one thing, we’re saying “yes” to something more important to us. In the end, it’s about aligning our choices with our priorities, and that is important any time of year.