9 Ways to Examine a Healthy Relationship

Insights from an empathetic researcher

I’m currently a graduate student in counseling psychology, with a prior graduate degree that was heavily research-intensive and required a fair deal of practical coursework. I have also spent well over 1-year working closely with individuals who are vulnerable, including couples and families.

As I enter a new professional stage in my life, where I am getting closer to finishing my current degree in counseling, I can’t help but reflect on the state of relationships, especially as we enter the unchartered territory that is 2021.

Healthy relationships are proposed to improve the state of our happiness, improve our overall health, and reduce the amount of stress that we have on any given day. When the times are tough, our partners are there by our side to help us combat the problems that are coming our way.

As we all know, to increase our happiness, we to make sure that the people supporting us are also in a good place. Sometimes, that means doing things for our partners in the hopes that they will send back that goodness onto you.

I mean, you’re not in a competition against your partner. You’re not treading on eggshells around them. If you are, that’s likely the sign of an unhealthy relationship and we want our relationships to be healthy.

While it’s not easy, relationships are often a long-term commitment, where you’re trying to hold onto it for the long haul because you love your partner dearly. Sometimes, we have to make sacrifices to keep our relationships afloat, such as spending more time with our partner and being more attentive to our partner’s needs.

There are often many ways to retain a healthy relationship, even if the process isn’t easy.

1. Keep Things Real and Simple

We often have many expectations for our partners and from ourselves. Extravagant plans fall apart, so take it easy, one step at a time.

While can’t control others to do our bidding, a good and sturdy relationship is an equal dynamic. Imagine it like a team — each party has equal say on what goes on in the relationships and both of you are using the totality of your strengths to tackle proverbial problems and enemies.

The totality of the two of you will make up for the so-called weaknesses of one party.

2. Talk Directly and Clearly

It’s pretty straight-forward that we need to communicate with one another. As close as you are to your partner, your partner cannot always read your body language and they are not a mindreader.

When issues arise, you might have to spell it out explicitly, even if it’s just a letter or a Word document with bullet notes. On the upside, having things in writing means that no one can backtrack on what you are saying, reducing your likelihood of being gaslit.

Plus, you can communicate more effectively in the following ways:

• By actively listening in to your partner and not interrupting them
• Asking questions because you genuinely need clarification
• Actually setting aside the time to talk, even if that means scheduling a time on your calendar like as if were an appointment
• Sharing what you know or have researched in the past

3. Be Open-Minded and Flexible

It’s okay to be nervous and uneasy about sharing things, especially if you want to make active changes in your relationship. You can’t just sit there and wait for problems to magically disappear.

Healthy relationships require some flexibility. We are not robots, so don’t treat the situation as if you are one. Relationships are constantly growing and evolving. Use your creativity chops if you need to, and figure out how to deal with your problems head-on.

4. Take Care Of Your Needs

Like I said earlier, you and your partner are a tag-team against the unseen enemy. However, you have to keep your reserves up, so you have to make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well.

A good partner knows this, and will usually give you the space to take care of your personal stuff too. These can include your dietary needs, your exercise regimen, your coping mechanisms, and so much more.

Good relationships make this happen, but it will take time and practice to balance both your individual needs and the needs of your partner.

5. Be Reliable and Responsible

If you say you will do something, do that something and follow through with it. Otherwise, you’re going to come across as unreliable if you promise your partner to do something with them and then you slack off on it.

Your trust with the partner will be broken.

Our relationships are important and it’s always good to take everything associated with our relationships seriously, including our partners. I mean, relationships a long-term emotional investment, even grander than our jobs and livelihoods.

6. Be Fair

Relationships often have low points and high points, which can be normal. Conflict is in any relationship, but try to avoid saying something that you will regret. It’s okay to not always disagree with your partner but that doesn’t make it right to hurt others as well.

If you find yourself in a bad situation, try to cool down and walk away. Arguments are not productive and it’s better to talk to the partner once the overall steam has blown off. Go into another part of the house. Hide under the blankets. Workout in the basement gym. Wander into the garden. Whatever you do, don’t give in and let anger win.

7. Be Affirmative and Warm

To be happy, you have to make it worth it. Maybe you need to spice it up and throw in some genuine compliments towards your partner. Maybe they are unsure of how you feel about something and that kindness will give them some sense of directionality surrounding the state of your relationship.

Your partner will appreciate the compliment and may eventually do the same for you. Maybe you can set aside time where the two of you will sit together.

Each time you set aside this time, you can find new things to explore and compliment, such as their eyes, ears, personality, charming smile, and so much more.

Affection doesn’t have to be sexual. It can range from a cheeky hug to a simple peck on the cheek.

8. Promote a Work-Life Balance

Some of us have jobs and it’s hard to keep the romantic life sustained. However, your relationship is a life-long investment. Jobs come and go, but soulmates do not.

Plus, you have to have a work-life balance to avoid burnout. You need your partner to help support you and help ease the burden on you. They can provide that validation, especially if you let them know that you’re struggling.

Assuage their fears. Live for the moment.

9. There’s Some Trial-and-Error

Parts of what makes relationships fascinating are some of the trial-and-error involved. You have to make sure that what works for you doesn't actively hinder or harm yourself or your partner.

Most people often struggle to fit in, especially when their partner is a little different. However, you have all the time in the world to explore one another, learn from one another, and discover common interests.

You can checkmark or check-off the things that do and don’t work. At least you tried something. With time, it gets easier to figure out what to do.

As someone once wisely said,

A great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.

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