Bringing The Spark Back Into a Relationship

Musings From an Empathetic Soul

Relationships are quite fun and exciting. You get to explore one another and figure out what the other party wants, whether it is their dreams, their talents, their wit, and even their wonderful personality.

Unfortunately, in any long-term relationship, keeping up with the momentum can be quite exhausting. You might find yourself physically and mentally tired and unable to catch up.

Perhaps you feel like you’re in a race and you’re losing. The end of the race is getting further and further out of your line of vision, and you already see your partner heading for the hills up ahead.

It’s okay to feel this way sometimes. It’s also not the end of the world, even if it feels that way right now.

It’s also very possible that your partner is likely not running ahead of you in this so-called race. Perhaps they feel that they’re stuck or lagging behind, and they think they see you heading for the hills instead.

Relationship struggles are quite confusing and it often stems from miscommunication, as the psychological research has shown. It’s better to reframe this narrative as an alliance between team members instead of as competitors.

Strengthening the Long-Term Rapport

Sometimes, when we’re in a relationship for a long period of time, things may start to feel dull and boring, because you’re getting used to the various working mechanisms behind your relationship.

Now that you’ve unlocked many things with your partner, you have to now figure out new ways to keep going, even if that means reminding yourself of the things that you once did in the past.

2020 has definitely impacted our ability to have some spontaneous adventures. This puts additional pressure on us to come up with some very creative solutions, even if that means emulating things in virtual reality, such as cooking together or watching a live stream from the comforts of your couch.

Fortunately, there are many ways to keep yourselves engaged, even with the state of the world being the way it is right now. Plus, if you’re feeling unsatisfied right now, you’re might be overthinking the whole situation.

Instead of stressing over what you can theoretically do with your partner, talk to them directly, and actually try out some things that you can both agree upon. There’s always something that can link the two of you together, no matter how small or big this commonality may be.

Plus, you likely want to be in this relationship for the long-run, and you and your partner have plenty of time to continue to explore one another, so there’s no rush either.

1. Schedule Activities Together

We usually schedule our time for important commitments like work or school. One could say that being with your partner is just as important, if not worth more than the totality of our universe.

For instance, you and your partner can create a bucket list and brainstorm some activities that you two can sit down and do together.

For example, maybe you can set up one night per month where the two of you work on something that you’ve never tried before, like trying out that fancy new recipe together or even playing with that new instrument that you bought recently.

Whatever it is that you end up doing, it can be something that you don’t usually do. I mean, it doesn’t hurt to try, as sitting down and doing nothing is not going to change the situation.

Even if the event doesn’t go the way that you wanted it to, at least you know what things to not do anymore. Plus, the prospect of an exclusive night is quite promising, especially if you’re plagued by the monotony of work and study.

2. Be Attentive Towards Your Partner

It’s easy to go through life on auto-pilot and take things for granted, like the food on the table, and your personal health. However, it’s good to be mindfully aware of your immediate surroundings, including the state of your partner.

One of the best things you can do is be attentive to your partner’s body language. If your partner seems to be slightly cold while you’re both watching a movie, perhaps you will instinctively put a blanket on their shoulders. If they seem tired, perhaps you will cheer them up with a cup of their favourite soup.

Either way, these adorable little moments count. Even if they aren’t spontaneous adventures, positive reinforcements assure your partner that you’re just as committed as they are.

Plus, you’re their shoulder to cry on. If they don’t have you, who else can support them when the times are tough?

3. Be a Little Flirty and Compliment One Another

If you’ve been together for a long time, it’s easy to forget the way we were in the beginning stages of the relationship. Perhaps you said some witty one-liners that caused the other person to swoon.

However, you can keep the flame going by going with the flow and allowing your genuine kindness to generate some new flirtatious or mischievous behaviour. Perhaps you can crack a random joke or two to alleviate the tension in the room.

When your partner is feeling down, you can genuinely and randomly comment on how much you like their eyes, their ears, their mouth, or even their nose. The possibilities for compliments are endless. It’s just a matter of finding something positive to focus on and learn more about, which is kind of like a growth mindset, but for people instead.

4. Surprise Each Other

Everyone likes a decent surprise every now and then. Once you get used to a long-term relationship, perhaps you need to look back at the small and big things that you once did for your partner.

Maybe this person has a favourite motivational speaker or favourite food. Perhaps you will randomly purchase something meaningful or make them a nice little trinket. Even if it's slightly nonsensical to some people, these little gestures are often thoughtful and encouraging.

In the years ahead, your partner can look fondly at these little trinkets that you provided them and it will keep the flame going, as a visual reminder of how much you went through already.

5. Communicate Clearly

Our relationships aren’t always going to be rosy and you might start to build a little anger, resentment, or even a little annoyance towards your partner. Your partner might be feeling the same.

However, it’s not good to stew in our negative thoughts. Rather than assume that our partner secretly dislikes something about us, it’s better to talk it out and make sense of the situation. Map it out if you need to, but don’t let misinformation win.

When you’re in a relationship, don’t take things for granted and actively take charge of any problems before they fester and snowball into something much more sinister. If you’re feeling a little less than excited than usual, it can be normal, but you and your partner can work together to make it work.

Plus, you’ve already gone through a lot together, and you can continue to power through so much more, especially in the years ahead. Instead of running two separate races, you’re racing together for the same team.

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