9 Mindless Things People Say Out Of Habit
#5. I can’t even…
I recently read an article by Max Klein that made me laugh and sigh at the same time. In his piece, Max gives 7 examples of annoying things that people say, like “honestly, no offense but, why don’t you have kids yet?”
His article got me thinking that there are actually a lot of stupid things we say mindlessly, just because they are commonplace. I’m sure that most times, we don’t even really think about the weight of these phrases, because they are just things we say all the time.
It’s like a weird kind of word apathy.
So here are 9 more annoying phrases that people use, probably without any ill-intention, but that should really be substituted by better things. Please.
1. This might be TMI (too much information) but…
If you need to share something just share it, Sharon. It’s not too much information.
If you are being vulnerable with someone, just say that. “I’m going to be vulnerable with you and open up about something private/explicit etc.” Or if you are just going to straight-up gossip, then make that your disclaimer.
Why would you say it’s too much information if you’re going to share it all anyway? It’s not too much if you feel the need to share all of it.
Just own your information!
2. What a psycho
This one is similar to Max’s first point about using real medical diagnoses — like saying you’re OCD, PTSD, or Bipolar — to casually describe the way you feel on a given day.
Mental health diagnoses are not light-hearted things that should just be attributed because someone is behaving in a way that upsets you. There is a way of validating your own pain without having to shame and “diagnose” someone else.
I wrote a longer piece about this topic here, but the moral of the story is, unless you are the person’s therapist, don’t shoot out conclusions like “psychopath” or “sociopath”.
Chances are, you don’t know the full story, you don’t know how to make a reliable or formal diagnosis, and you are probably just really hurt.
But not all people who do bad things are psychos.
Some people just make bad choices because of their own pain, or for other reasons. And most times, you’ll never completely understand why.
3. Someone was hungry…
Generally, I would say it's probably best to not talk about how much or how little someone is eating unless you are doing it with respect or a legitimate concern.
If someone is devouring a plate of deliciousness with gusto, just smile. They are living their best life.
If they march that dish down as though they haven’t seen food in 5 years, maybe tell them to take a breath for good measure.
But to ruin a good meal with a lousy comment like “someone was hungry…” I mean, you’re just making the poor person feel bad about it.
Since when did it become a bad thing to be hungry and enjoy a meal?
4. You deserve so much better
Yikes. This one really takes us into a bigger moral conundrum.
Like who is more deserving? And who even defines who deserves what and why?
How helpful is it really to tell someone that they are not deserving of the pain they are experiencing if we are all exposed to both joy and pain in this human experience?
Wouldn’t the person benefit more from understanding the patterns that lead them to the situation they are in and having strategies to help get them out of it?
So as much as it may feel right to compare someone’s worth with someone else’s, remember that we are all equal in the end, and therefore equally deserving.
5. I can’t even…
So don’t. Don’t even.
If anything, this phrase is annoying because it’s incomplete. You can’t even what? Please, do explain what it is that you can’t even…
6. You’re a “insert job title here”, what do you think/know about “insert random topic here”?
We love an expert's opinion. We also love being experts, and lucky for us, we live in a time where everyone is or can become one.
Whatever you studied, no matter how long for, and whatever your job, no matter your expertise and merit, you’re opinion is not just an opinion. It’s an expert's opinion.
You are expected to know stuff the rest of us don’t. Even if the question at hand is nowhere near the specific field of your knowledge.
Also, it is assumed that you enjoyed being bothered by work-related questions in any context. Especially out of the office and out of office hours.
I can understand that you would want to learn from someone who has more experience on a given topic but to assume that someone has a superior opinion because they work in a wide field like “medicine” or “psychology” or “technology” is not so helpful.
If someone works as an organizational psychologist in a company, they are probably not going to be as well-versed in neurodevelopmental child psychology. They may offer an educated opinion, but it will probably be as useful as doing some research yourself.
7. I’m obsessed!
Obsession is a real thing.
You’re not obsessed because you love a pair of shoes, or because you’re excited about your new high-speed blender.
Unless you are fixated on your new blender with a passion that makes you get up in the middle of the night just to go admire it blending things, I would say you just really like your blender.
So really, this point ties back to point 2.
Stop using real medical diagnoses to describe everyday feelings.
8. I know how you feel
Do you though?
You may think you know how someone feels, because you have experienced something similar to them, and are trying to empathize with their pain, but you don’t actually really know how they feel.
The knowing is for the holder of the feeling, not their beholder.
So when you blurt out this phrase in an innocent attempt to validate someone else’s pain, you are really doing just the opposite.
By not allowing someone’s experience to be their own, you are not giving them the space and validation they were searching for in the first place.
So when someone tells you how they feel, don’t make it about you. Just let them share what they need to share, and listen. Take it in.
Even if their experience feels similar to yours, let it be theirs first.
9. I’m just thinking about what’s best for you
Ui.
Such treacherous waters. Half of the time, we waltz around barely even knowing what is best for ourselves, so who are we to determine what is best for anyone else?
It’s easy to think we are being altruistic when we assume we know what is best for those we love, but unfortunately, that isn’t for us to decide.
Even when we are simply trying to protect those we love, we don’t always hit the mark on what that person needs, because we are too busy shielding them from the bad experiences and pains we went through.
Naturally, if we are taking care of a child, there are decisions we must make on their behalf that see in their best interests. Nevertheless, we can still sometimes fail to truly see them because we are trying to recreate our own past and do it better.
So maybe, instead of saying you’re thinking about what is best for someone, just say you are thinking about how you can protect or help them, because you love them.
Just don’t assume you know best, or worst of all, better than them.
Conclusion
I get that language (and society) are all about trends, but sometimes, it couldn’t hurt to just consider what it all means.
We shouldn’t have to overthink all of our word choices at all times, because that can be extremely exhausting, however, it’s useful to think about the expressions we use so widely and lightly.
Even if everyone says it and it seems inoffensive, how useful is it really? And how are you using it?
I don’t mean to be TMI, I’m just thinking about what’s best for you here, I mean I know how you must feel, but I just can’t even with some of these…
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