8 Ways to Shift From Stressed Out to Sublime
You can feel happier, one small choice at a time
Wherever you are in the world, one aspect of life resounds with stunning acuity across time and space, city and suburb, country and culture: our world is changing. We can only hope and envision that it will be for the better.
So in these times of momentous change, here are seven strategies to instill deep, unshakeable happiness.
Let’s all go from stressed out to sublimely happy together.
1. Seek out the precarious balance between work and play.
Easier said than done, right? But by taking small, barely imperceptible steps toward balance, such as reading a book over our weekend breakfast, or listening to enjoyable music or podcasts while straigtening up the house or completing administrative tasks, we can start to shift toward a balance that provides optimal happiness.
I am a big fan of listening to Ted Talks, Smashing Pumpkins, Live, or Ace of Base while waiting in the school pick-up line for 35 minutes. Even when you’re faced with an unpleasant task, you can listen to what you love.
Sometimes I also bring along a puppy companion to further enjoy the time away from my home office.
Find what works for you, and don’t feel bad about seeking a more balanced life. Personally I’ve tried the burn-out thing many times, and being in balance is much easier and better for sustaining happiness.
2. Build a growth mindset for happiness.
A growth mindset as developed by psychologist Carol Dweck and colleagues, is the belief that a person’s talents and capacities can be improved with effort.
This type of mindset increases our chances of happiness by instilling the belief that we can change or shift our happiness or how we are currently feeling. It’s imperative to work on a growth mindset for happiness because without it, it’s hard to see all of the options and possibilities that are available to us, right here, right now.
And a growth mindset is extremely liberating because we realize that we are in control of what we want and where we want to go, two crucial ingredients for sustained happiness.
As the illuminous Carol Dweck says, “The hand you are dealt is just the starting point for development.”
3. Embrace neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity is the ability of neural networks in the brain to change through reorganization and growth. These shifts can range from individual neurons making new connections to systematic adjustments like cortical remapping.
A few examples of this are circuit and network changes that result from learning a new ability, environmental influences, practice, and psychological stress.
Every part of our brain that brings us sadness, fear, or anxiety can be rewired to bring us more happiness and increase mental health.
Every region in our brains can be strengthened through practice. If our brains are really good at remembering negative things that happen, it can be useful to strengthen the regions of the brain responsible for remembering positive things.
I’ve done this with mindfulness, research, and trauma therapy by repeating mantras when I’m feeling down, such as: I can feel anxious but still be safe. I can feel sadness but still seek out happiness.
Find your own shifting statements and use them regularly, because research shows neuroplasticity works.
4. Seek out silver linings.
Depending on our viewpoint, each experience can seem to have negative aspects. But when we search for the positives, our happiness begins to shift and we can discover a lot of good in life. It takes practice to look for the good, but if not for happiness, do it for increased resilience to life stressors.
For example, I strained my back helping a hurt animal and now it hurts to move. Yes, it is frustrating, but I am using this time while I am healing to catch up on writing since I am temporarily couch-bound. Silver-lining success!
5. Limit or at least take a break from social media.
Have you found that social media has a negative effect on your happiness? It may increase feelings of connectedness temporarily, but taking a break or limiting the time spent on it can help us to focus on the good around us instead of the turmoil of the world.
The turmoil will probably always exist in some capacity, but that doesn’t mean that you need to let that shift your internal state from happiness to turmoil. Don’t do that to yourself.
6. Change your spending habits to increase happiness.
Depending on our values and priorities, the ways that we spend our money can have a big impact on our happiness.
Think about what would improve your quality of life versus what is just for culture/societal reasons. Would it make you happier to have a brand new car or to have money for a trip somewhere new? Or maybe it’s something else; the key is to spend your money in ways that promote happiness long-term.
I personally focus on increased health because that’s what will make me happier for the long haul. I’ve learned first-hand that health is wealth.
7. Be kind.
Choose to communicate in a kind manner. We can do this by giving others the benefit of the doubt, treating others with respect, and being sympathetic.
Here are a few approaches for communicating kindly:
I can feel frustration, but still be kind and happy. I can feel angry, but still be kind and happy. I can feel overwhelmed, but still be kind and happy.
The key is to realize the power that we have over how we respond to negatives, and the essential choice that we all have in choosing kindness over callousness. And it’s okay to not be perfect 100% of the time. Really, who is?
Remember this ever-enduring quote by Leo Tolstoy: “Nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness.”
We all want to be happy, and there is no better way to start on that journey than kindness.
8. Choose to consciously change negative thinking.
We have more control than we realize. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts feeling or fact? Am I ruminating? Thinking about problems is a natural human tendency, but it’s when it spirals out of control that our happiness is impacted. Notice when you are getting lost in anxiety or fear. Awareness is the first step and the crucial impetus for change.
To get out of these patterns, remind yourself that feelings and emotions change. No matter how you feel at this moment, you will probably feel differently in the future, whether two minutes, two days, or two years down the road.
See it, envision it, believe it. Keep doing this, and over time negativity can shift to positivity.
It may not happen in an instant, but bit by bit we can invite and allow more happiness to influence and pervade our ephemeral lives.
Remember that being happy doesn’t mean an easy life, because feelings such as contentment and satisfaction often require discomfort in order to grow, learn, and evolve.
And while happiness looks different for everyone, the journey to more joy is just that: a winding trip down the avenues of pain and promise, giving us the choice at each moment of which road to choose.
Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived. — Anna Quindlen
With love and gratitude, Aurora