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Abstract

hat I was doing something wrong. So I asked myself, “What is the message in this for me?” I also talked to my friend about it, who said something I’ll never forget — “Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you’re just meeting incompatible guys.” Hearing this was not only reassuring, it also helped me think better of myself and choose to not get affected by rejection. Instead, I’d tell myself, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?”</p><blockquote id="2371"><p>The best thing you can do when others leave you is not run away from yourself .</p></blockquote><p id="4c23">Be available to yourself. Take time to be with your thoughts. It’s okay to do things with others. It’s also important to learn to be alone with your thoughts without distractions. No matter where you go, you can’t run away from yourself.</p><figure id="8ff6"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*EwSyJoL9VuTfdXBMf3h2hg.png"><figcaption>Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/@fr3nks">Daniel Frank</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="382e">You don’t know who you want and why you want them</h2><p id="165e">Clarity is a powerful thing. Dating without clarity is like hitting a target you cannot see. You’re almost always going to miss. Read the full article <a href="https://nehasonney.medium.com/why-you-cant-find-your-perfect-partner-2ab720ba0052">here</a>.</p><figure id="2885"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*MKaTFdl07fCI4bXEtGhAUQ.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/cY_TCKr5bek">Ricardo Arce</a> on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><p id="7116">When you have clarity in the type of person you want and why you want them, you will decide on what you will tolerate and what is non-negotiable to you. Meaning you are not going to waste your time with people who are not serious about being in a committed relationship. For instance, my non-negotiables were smoking and drinking. I didn’t date them, Period. Why? Because they have a relationship with alcohol. They do not care about their health. I care about my health.</p><h2 id="5da0">You don’t know what values you bring to the table</h2><p id="5a90">Why should someone choose you to be their partner? What difference is your presence going to make in their life? Once you have clear answers to these questions, you will have confidence in yourself and your deservability. You will choose better prospects because you are clear and confident in yourself. Those that don’t measure up will fall out of vibration and your life, making room for better prospects.</p><h2 id="4e38">You are looking to be taken care of</h2><p id="5d2d">There are plenty of adults behaving like teenagers. They are irresponsible and they don’t care about the consequences of their actions. Growing up is not just about getting a degree, a 9-to-5 followed by drinks and dinners with friends a few times a week. It’s about taking full responsibility for yourself.</p><blockquote id="dead"><p>If you’re seeking someone to take care of you, you’re not ready for a relationship.</p></blockquote><p id="cea9">One of the important responsibilities you take on is caring of your own feelings and emotions. I personally know adults who like to be taken care of. Why? You’re not a baby anymore. Maturity comes from taking emotional responsibility for yourself. <a href="https://nehasonney.com/forestmeditation">Meditation</a> is a great tool that’ll help you do that. Learn to understand yourself through witnessing your emotions. Otherwise, you’ll attract drama. Being dramatic brings you attention. But that attention won’t last. And after a few times repeating this drama, no one will believe you. If you want a mature person in your life, strive to become mature yourself.</p><h2 id="37fa">You’re in love with the idea of the person</h2><p id="82f1">You tend to create a fantasy world in your mind, refusing to read red flags or believe what the other person is clearly telling you through his/her actions and words. When this happens, your expectation doesn’t meet reality. Read more about the 5 relationship lessons from the movie 500 Day Of Summer.</p><div id="a6ad" class="link-block">

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      <a href="https://nehasonney.medium.com/5-relationship-lessons-to-learn-from-500-days-of-summer-1ae1f617a9c8">
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          <div>
            <h2>5 Relationship Lessons To Learn From 500 Days Of Summer</h2>
            <div><h3>500 days of summer is a great story that teaches you the five biggest mistakes to avoid during courtship. Is it a love…</h3></div>
            <div><p>nehasonney.medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
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            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*4TsQ8mI90gxvNeJRJjFDag.jpeg)"></div>
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      </a>
    </div><h2 id="e960">You’re searching for Mr. or Ms. Right</h2><p id="0e2f">Six feet, six figures, and six inches. You might have a checklist for your potential partner. A long-haired guy was high up on my checklist. I’m with <a href="https://medium.com/@toddraphael_1330">Gorgeous Heart Bald</a>y. Drop your checklist when dating because otherwise, you will always be going down that list looking for people to measure up. Going down your mental checklist keeps you from being present to the person in front of you. You won’t be able to see them for who they are. Stay present. Have boundaries instead and figure out what your non-negotiables are.</p><h2 id="d257">How You Can Attract The Right Person</h2><p id="6887">When dating, keeping an open mind helps you see the person for who they are. Keep putting yourself out there consistently. Don’t let rejection set you back. If you get tired of dating new people, it’s okay to take a break and take care of yourself. Don’t let your past experiences interfere with who comes into your present. Leave your rose-colored glasses at home. See each person for who they are. Don’t ignore <a href="https://nehasonney.medium.com/5-dating-red-flags-you-dont-wanna-miss-59f390604287">red flags</a>. Have clarity in the characteristics of your ideal partner, as well as your non-negotiables. Set standards for yourself and keep your expectations low. This way you will not be disappointed and will easily move on in case things don’t work out.</p><p id="7d6e">If you’re hurting from your past, refrain from dating and take time to heal yourself. Talk to a <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/neha-sonney/">self-love coach</a> if you struggle to love yourself. Remember that life is journey and not a competition. Believe that you will find that special someone. They are looking for you too.</p><p id="f66a">We don’t attract who we want. We attract who we are. Remember this and <b><i>become</i></b> who you want to attract.</p><p id="7379">Feel free to download a copy of your relationship readiness checklist:</p><div id="99d9" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://nehasonney.gumroad.com/l/yrrc">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Your Relationship Readiness Checklist</h2>
            <div><h3>So you're single? And going out on dates? Your fingers have been busy swiping left or right on profiles. Someone cute…</h3></div>
            <div><p>nehasonney.gumroad.com</p></div>
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            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*kPFTqajaH_Ka6Qf8)"></div>
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    </div><h2 id="7188">About The Author</h2><p id="9e4f">I’ve shared my journey of self-love in my book title <a href="https://viewbook.at/wiredforselflove">WIRED FOR SELF-LOVE</a>. Its Kindle version is now available on Amazon. You can simply download the kindle app on your phone to enjoy reading the book if you don’t have a kindle device.</p><p id="c11e">You can also buy me a coffee at <a href="https://ko-fi.com/nehasonney">https://ko-fi.com/nehasonney</a> if you found value in this post. Thank you for reading.</p><p id="ae59">If you would like to join medium, please click <a href="https://nehasonney.medium.com/membership">here</a>. If you use this link to sign-up, then I’ll receive a portion of your membership fees at no extra cost to you while you get to access all the stories on medium.</p></article></body>

8 Reasons You’re Attracting The Wrong People In Your Life

Why you’re ACCEPTING the wrong ones, and what you can do about that.

This is Todd Raphael and yours truly flashing our smiles (pre-Covid19) for a selfie moment on a very busy highway somewhere in the concrete jungles of Hong Kong. Before we met each other, both of us attracted our respective partners, got married, and had kids with them. And then divorce happened.

Pain as a part of life is inevitable. I could so relate to A. Edmiston’s story.

Stop Making Excuses For Him. — A Resolution For A Better Life.

It doesn’t matter what his love language is, if he sticks it inside someone else.

medium.com

There’s a reason why all that happened happened in our lives. I’ll save our story to share with you over an afternoon of tea and my heavenly banana walnut muffins, alright?

I’m here to talk about the reasons you attract and accept the wrong people. My intention in sharing these points is that you’ll find the answers you may be searching for.

You have a history of bad/poor relationships experiences

As a child, if your parent didn’t give you their attention when you needed it, a part of you told yourself that you’re not important. This then goes into your subconscious. You grow up, but it’s that child driving your adult bus. What? Your experience of attracting poor relationships is an unconscious momentum. Until you read this sentence and you have an Aha! moment. A new information downloads into your existence and you have an upgrade! You develop an understanding of how you have been allowing this to happen all this while. Oh my goodness!

You’re afraid to be abandoned.
You don’t wanna be alone for the rest of life.
You please the people in the hopes that they’ll be nice to you. (Hint: You learn that they’re not.)
You portray as someone you’re not.

Your actions come from a place of fear. There’s a disconnect within you. You cannot fix that disconnection from the outside. You will only keep meeting people who, like you, as disconnected.

You don’t attract what you want. You attract who you are.

You don’t believe you’re worthy of love

You may want a relationship. But deep within you don’t believe you will manifest that relationship with your beautiful partner. It’s the belief you need to work on because your actions stem from your beliefs. That’s why it’s important to become conscious of the core beliefs you hold. Through your actions, conscious or unconscious you are communicating to the universe every moment how you feel about a certain thing. And the universe doesn’t question. It delivers what you ask. You have to look for the resistance within you.

Believing is seeing.

Your type of person is “emotionally unavailable”

When I was single and bumping up against the same type of guys on dating sites, I saw patterns — Guys would disappear after the third date. Or ghost after the first. It did make me question myself. I felt that something was wrong with me. Or that I was doing something wrong. So I asked myself, “What is the message in this for me?” I also talked to my friend about it, who said something I’ll never forget — “Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you’re just meeting incompatible guys.” Hearing this was not only reassuring, it also helped me think better of myself and choose to not get affected by rejection. Instead, I’d tell myself, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?”

The best thing you can do when others leave you is not run away from yourself .

Be available to yourself. Take time to be with your thoughts. It’s okay to do things with others. It’s also important to learn to be alone with your thoughts without distractions. No matter where you go, you can’t run away from yourself.

You don’t know who you want and why you want them

Clarity is a powerful thing. Dating without clarity is like hitting a target you cannot see. You’re almost always going to miss. Read the full article here.

When you have clarity in the type of person you want and why you want them, you will decide on what you will tolerate and what is non-negotiable to you. Meaning you are not going to waste your time with people who are not serious about being in a committed relationship. For instance, my non-negotiables were smoking and drinking. I didn’t date them, Period. Why? Because they have a relationship with alcohol. They do not care about their health. I care about my health.

You don’t know what values you bring to the table

Why should someone choose you to be their partner? What difference is your presence going to make in their life? Once you have clear answers to these questions, you will have confidence in yourself and your deservability. You will choose better prospects because you are clear and confident in yourself. Those that don’t measure up will fall out of vibration and your life, making room for better prospects.

You are looking to be taken care of

There are plenty of adults behaving like teenagers. They are irresponsible and they don’t care about the consequences of their actions. Growing up is not just about getting a degree, a 9-to-5 followed by drinks and dinners with friends a few times a week. It’s about taking full responsibility for yourself.

If you’re seeking someone to take care of you, you’re not ready for a relationship.

One of the important responsibilities you take on is caring of your own feelings and emotions. I personally know adults who like to be taken care of. Why? You’re not a baby anymore. Maturity comes from taking emotional responsibility for yourself. Meditation is a great tool that’ll help you do that. Learn to understand yourself through witnessing your emotions. Otherwise, you’ll attract drama. Being dramatic brings you attention. But that attention won’t last. And after a few times repeating this drama, no one will believe you. If you want a mature person in your life, strive to become mature yourself.

You’re in love with the idea of the person

You tend to create a fantasy world in your mind, refusing to read red flags or believe what the other person is clearly telling you through his/her actions and words. When this happens, your expectation doesn’t meet reality. Read more about the 5 relationship lessons from the movie 500 Day Of Summer.

5 Relationship Lessons To Learn From 500 Days Of Summer

500 days of summer is a great story that teaches you the five biggest mistakes to avoid during courtship. Is it a love…

nehasonney.medium.com

You’re searching for Mr. or Ms. Right

Six feet, six figures, and six inches. You might have a checklist for your potential partner. A long-haired guy was high up on my checklist. I’m with Gorgeous Heart Baldy. Drop your checklist when dating because otherwise, you will always be going down that list looking for people to measure up. Going down your mental checklist keeps you from being present to the person in front of you. You won’t be able to see them for who they are. Stay present. Have boundaries instead and figure out what your non-negotiables are.

How You Can Attract The Right Person

When dating, keeping an open mind helps you see the person for who they are. Keep putting yourself out there consistently. Don’t let rejection set you back. If you get tired of dating new people, it’s okay to take a break and take care of yourself. Don’t let your past experiences interfere with who comes into your present. Leave your rose-colored glasses at home. See each person for who they are. Don’t ignore red flags. Have clarity in the characteristics of your ideal partner, as well as your non-negotiables. Set standards for yourself and keep your expectations low. This way you will not be disappointed and will easily move on in case things don’t work out.

If you’re hurting from your past, refrain from dating and take time to heal yourself. Talk to a self-love coach if you struggle to love yourself. Remember that life is journey and not a competition. Believe that you will find that special someone. They are looking for you too.

We don’t attract who we want. We attract who we are. Remember this and become who you want to attract.

Feel free to download a copy of your relationship readiness checklist:

Your Relationship Readiness Checklist

So you're single? And going out on dates? Your fingers have been busy swiping left or right on profiles. Someone cute…

nehasonney.gumroad.com

About The Author

I’ve shared my journey of self-love in my book title WIRED FOR SELF-LOVE. Its Kindle version is now available on Amazon. You can simply download the kindle app on your phone to enjoy reading the book if you don’t have a kindle device.

You can also buy me a coffee at https://ko-fi.com/nehasonney if you found value in this post. Thank you for reading.

If you would like to join medium, please click here. If you use this link to sign-up, then I’ll receive a portion of your membership fees at no extra cost to you while you get to access all the stories on medium.