YOU HAVE IT WRONG ‘MURICA
8 Reasons Why Canadian Thanksgiving is Better Than US Thanksgiving
Sorry, but it’s true. The Canadians have this one right.
This may not be a popular opinion, but I’ve never been accused of being popular.
Suck it cool kids’ table.
Our Thanksgiving is better than yours and here’s why:
1. Long Weekend
Canadian Thanksgiving is always a long weekend — the second Monday in October. You don’t have to take an extra day off to make it a long weekend. It just is. We keep all our vacation time to spend away from Aunt Carol.
2. Hangover Over
You likely don’t work the day after your big feast and have to pretend you aren’t hungover. Most Canadians eat their enormous meal on the weekend, leaving leftovers and hangovers for their days off.
3. Thankfulness
Thanksgiving is a time to gather the family, mark the start of fall, and celebrate the harvest season — more specifically the beginning of root veggie season. It originated in Canada as thanking God for keeping early explorers safe and morphed into being thankful for a fruitful harvest.
Mostly we are thankful for family.
US Thanksgiving celebrates the massacre of the natives and the Governor of Plymouth’s declaration of: “from that day forth shall be a day of celebration and thanks giving for subduing the Pequots.”
So there’s that. Yeah. Good time.
4. Less Shopping, More Pie
We don’t celebrate shopping on Thanksgiving. We often hike, play games outside with our family, eat our first helping of pie and a third helping of pie.
I never skip the second helping.
We save the shopping for other times.
No one ever has to wake up from their pie coma to get a $12 TV.
5. Dibs
Canadians started in 1578. The USA started in 1621. Making us the OG. We were also the OG for peanut butter, so that alone puts us on top.
6. We Stick to Inflating Our Waistlines
We don’t clog our streets with parades. I’ve been to NYC for the Macy’s parade and my favorite part was watching the birds in Central Park poop on the VIP stands while I stood across the street and felt thankful for mitts. I would have rather been eating pie than standing in the cold.
Do you do it because you feel bad about the massacre of the natives and you are trying to drown out the shame? Just wondering.
7. The Best Sport
Football, yeah, we do it. It’s kind of lame with three downs and stuff, but it happens and only thirty-seven people watch. So Thanksgiving is not about sport. It’s about the sport of eating, but we don’t pretend to play football with Uber-competitive Uncle Jed and sprain an ankle wearing our team’s jersey that never seems to smell good after the first wear.
No one sprains an ankle eating pie.
8. Digestion Not Indigestion
We don’t have back-to-back turkey holidays — end of November and end of December. Look, I love a good dry bird, but, as the person responsible for cooking and cleaning that giant poultry, I am thankful for the extra month when we can eat tacos and pasta like normal people.
Besides, the turkey farts my family generates is methane enough to melt the ozone. The world needs time to repair before we subject the universe to the foulness of fowl again.
Happy Thanksgiving to my friends and family in the US. I will raise a glass on your Thanksgiving Thursday and be thankful for my pizza.
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