8 Reasons Good Guys Stay Single (…When They Don’t Want To be)
I remember seeing an old housemate talk to women all the time like it was nothing. It was so easy for him…
We’d go to coffee shops, bars, and… train stations. Wherever we went he’d talk to women or they walked over to talk to him. I was mesmerized by what I saw…
Cleaning up my own life naturally improved my dating life faster than I thought possible. And it became painfully obvious why I’d been single for so long.
I see men around me making the same mistakes…
1. You hardly ever ask women out and dwell on rejections for too long
A brutal rejection can shatter your confidence. One comment from a mean drunk girl can destroy you. So you call it a night and get an Uber home, crawl into bed, and then sulk about it.
I know it hurts but it was just one mean drunk. “Hurt people, hurt people.” Ignore her.
If you’d dusted yourself off and stayed out, you might have met someone really great for you. This has happened to me and my friends hundreds of times.
Even the guys you’re most jealous of get rejected. So dwelling on rejection is a waste of time. Keep going.
2. You wait for the perfect moment to ask her out
“Good things come to those who wait.”
I hate that saying.
The overthinkers wait for the perfect opportunity to ask a girl out. Maybe a new girl joins the office next door and you say hello and find yourself getting the train home together. You flirt with each other but you never ask her out.
Sooner or later, she gets a new job and moves city. You’ll most likely never see her again. The perfect moment rarely happens, so you need to make it happen. And scrap the perfect part.
3. You don’t go out enough
Women get more matches than men on dating apps. So if your dating profiles aren’t doing much for you and you never go out — you’re only getting negative feedback from dating apps. It leaves you to believe you have nothing to offer.
The reality for lots of guys is they’re more attractive than they think, or at least they could be but they’re not doing the things that make them more attractive.
If you went out more to bars, gym classes, clubs, gigs, pop-up events, meetups, conferences, and started more conversations with people — you will surprise yourself.
4. You wait for women to make every move
Love it or hate it: as a man, you’re expected to lead. You are the one expected to ask her out. You are the one expected to text first. You are the one expected to plan the date. You are the one expected to go for the kiss when she’s giving you every sign she wants you to kiss her.
Sometimes, women take the lead here and there but don’t count on it.
Some men play it so safe that they’re not even playing. Unless the woman sounds SUPER keen, they sit back and watch opportunities fade away. So you have awkward encounters and women walk away thinking you didn’t like them when you did.
5. You are not groomed
This is a simple one. Get your hair cut regularly. And if you’re bald/balding — keep it short. If you have a beard, trim it around the neck and don’t have long hairs handing over your top lip. Shower. Wear aftershave.
Don’t wait for a big night out to clean yourself up; do it daily.
6. You dress like a man baby
I see a lot of man babies in my city, 30-something men wearing:
- Battered multi-coloured trainers.
- Scuffed jeans with skateboarder belts.
- A crinkled, old graphic tee (…and not a cool vintage one!).
- A hoodie so bright it probably glows in the dark.
- A messy, undefined beard.
- A scruffy haircut.
They look like they’ve raided a Salvation Army bin! Nothing fits and the colours clash. This is an easy fix too: follow some stylish guys on Instagram and copy their outfits.
7. Your vibe is off because you’re addicted to cheap dopamine hits
Binging computer games, social media, and porn slowly dim the spark inside you.
I remember an old friend who fell into the porn trap. He was handsome, 6,4, smart, funny and everyone fancied him to the point where it was annoying hanging out with him! Every girl kept asking me if he was single.
Anyway, he watched a LOT of porn and became a space cadet. I remember one day he blew my mind as he said some incredibly kind things to me.
He told me he was jealous of the way I was living and he wanted to know what’d changed as he knew how depressed I used to be. I told him I’d removed toxicity from my life, which included a job, some people, and porn.
He told me about his problems and I recognised them all. I told him it sounded like porn was messing him up and he should quit. He didn’t and he got much worse. That fun, flirty vibe he used to have was gone.
You’re not present with people if you’re deeply addicted to cheap dopamine. You give off a distant, awkward energy that’s not attractive to be around.
8. You don’t believe there’s anything out there for you
Being single for a long time can lead you down the road of learned helplessness. You fall into an apathetic state where it feels pointless to try. I’ve reached this state a few times and the way I got past it was building confidence in other areas of my life.
Focus on your career, building muscle, or getting really good at a hobby — anything. Whatever it is, nailing one area of your life naturally builds confidence and spills over into more areas.
Then you start to see that relationships are out there for you! Of course they are. It was just a tired mind playing a cheap trick.
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