Acknowledging That It’s Impossible to Resist Temptation Is the Key to Self-Discipline
Self-discipline comes not from resisting temptation, but from resisting being around temptation
As a photographer you come across many people, one person I became friends with was a priest. He had a love for landscape photography, and we frequently swapped tips for locations. He also frequently highlighted to me that one of the reasons that I frequently missed capturing a great shot, was because I lacked both patience and discipline.
He was right, on both counts. He on the other hand was the most disciplined person I have ever met. I envied his discipline to such a level, that I once asked him what his secret was, and his answer surprised the hell out of me.
“I’ve got no self-discipline, if there is temptation about, I’m terrible at resisting it — I don’t have this podge for nothing. But I’ve learned to respect that part of myself, and so the way I avoid giving in to temptation is not by resisting it, but by avoiding situations where it exists.”
I think in this case he was highlighting that I was too busy looking at my phone and too busy thinking about all the other things that I planned to do later, that I frequently missed out on great shots that if I had not had such distractions, I would not have missed out on.
I took this to heart and decided that he was completely right, I then put my phone in my pocket. He then told me that that was no good and that I should put it in the car — that way the temptation would be out of reach. I did so and it’s surprising how much it helped me focus on the task of taking pictures.
I then asked him if he had any other bits of knowledge to share, and this is what he said:
“Being in the army in my youth and then joining the church has taught me one thing. That none of us can resist temptation, it is simply not in our nature.”
I was a bit stunned that he said this, implying that none of us can resist temptation, and my first response was that I can resist temptation, of course I can. But then on further thinking, I decided that he was right and that I along with all of us cannot resist temptation.
Hell, I had to lock my phone away in the glove department just to stop myself from looking at it. How could I claim to be able to resist temptation when I had to go to such lengths just to stop myself from looking at a phone?
The vast majority of us are in the same boat. Imagine deciding that you don’t want to look at social media at all for a week, but at the same time not deleting the apps and electing to keep your phone on you at all times. Do you think you could make it to the end of the week without looking at your social media even once?
Imagine giving yourself a complete phone ban, saying to yourself that you are not going to use your phone for a week, but then electing to keep your phone on you at all times, electing not to switch it off, and electing to keep it on loud. Do you think you could make it to the end of the week without using your phone at least once?
Even if in both cases you managed to last the week, do you think you could last a month under the same parameters, how about a year? I struggled to escape the desire to check my phone even when it was in the glove department in my car — the temptation remained, it was just easier to resist it.
It is easy to resist something we don’t want, but how many can resist something that even a small part of them wants if the opportunity to have that something is presented to them enough times?
Imagine being a chocolate lover and deciding to go on a diet, no chocolate for a month, but keeping chocolate in your house. And not just keeping it in your house but keeping it in a place where it was frequently visible to you — so every time you walked into a room, there was that chocolate. How long do you think you could go without eating that chocolate?
Imagine entering a romantic relationship, committing to being faithful, and yet being constantly surrounded by the temptation to stray — so being around people you fancy, and people who fancy you, and being in situations where if you wanted to you could do things and get away with it. Under these parameters, how long do you think any person could last before straying?
Many people will argue that they absolutely could avoid straying even if presented with repeated temptation, the evidence says that those people are wrong. It also says that those people who most believe they can and would resist indefinitely, are the ones most likely to be proven wrong.
If you are around temptation long enough, it doesn’t matter who you are, how much willpower you have, how wrong you believe giving in to be, odds are you will eventually give in to it. It is simply impossible not to, the evidence is everywhere. If you disagree, imagine your favourite thing, whether that be chocolate, socialising with people, a TV show, sex, whatever, imagine your favourite thing. Then imagine electing to not do it but at the same time being presented with the opportunity to do it on a 24/7 basis. How long do you think you could resist?
Discipline comes not from resisting temptation, but from being smart enough to know that it is impossible to resist temptation forever, and thus the only way to resist temptation forever is to learn how to avoid situations in which it exists.
“You are your environment, and if your environment is full of temptation, then you will be a slave to that temptation. If you don’t want to be a slave, get rid of the temptation.”
That’s what my friend, who just happened to be a priest, taught me that day, and ever since I took his lesson to heart, I have become amazingly good at discipline. I wrote this post in half the time I normally would have done because of that discipline. I have no social media open, and my phone is out of reach — that never used to be the case.
Now it is, and all because I learned that discipline is not resisting temptation, it’s keeping/removing it from your reach.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading!
If you liked this post, you may enjoy the following:
Six Psychological Reasons Why The Majority Of Modern Relationships Fail
Twenty-Six Killer Comebacks to Nasty Remarks
How a Therapist’s Advice Helped Me Overcome My Issues with Overthinking
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