7 Ways to Build a Happy Relationship

Are you ready for love?

In psychology, many researchers conceptualize relationship quality in terms of how satisfied each partner is in the relationship. This focuses on the hedonic dimension of the relationship (pleasure or happiness). But of course, healthy relationships mean more than how good you feel.

To better understand your own relationship quality, you might explore:

1. Meaning: Is the relationship helping you to grow as a person?
2. Personal growth: Is the relationship a key source of inspiration, support, and encouragement for self-development?
3. Goal sharing: Does the couple have shared goals and also support and celebrate each other’s independent goals?
4. Relational giving: Does each partner prioritize the other partner more than themself?

Unhealthy Relationships

There are times when you have to look at your relationship and determine how good or how bad it is. There are 4 things to measure that by.

1. Criticism. When you criticize someone, you are attacking them to the core of their character. This is different from offering a helpful opinion or voicing a complaint.

2. Contempt. Contempt goes beyond criticism as it encompasses your moral superiority over the other person. This can include mocking them, ridiculing, calling them names, mimicking their body language, or scoffing. The intention is to make them feel despised or unworthy, which is a terrible feeling to instill or receive from someone.

3. Defensiveness. It’s natural to be defensive sometimes, especially if you’re particularly stressed or tired. Sometimes you might feel that you’re not receiving the right treatment, or you might play the victim so that the blame is no longer on you. But defensive responses often shift the blame onto the partner, which usually isn’t the best way to go. It tells the other person that you may not be taking them seriously and that you won’t own up to your mistakes.

4. Stonewalling. Stonewalling is often in response to contempt. This happens when the listener who is receiving sarcastic remarks or ridiculing comments ends up shutting down and no longer responds to the partner. They ‘stonewall’ the partner and try to avoid confrontation by acting busy, disengaging from the conservation, or simply leaving their presence.

How to Build Happy Relationships

1. Develop a strong emotional connection: According to psychology research, one of the most important predictors of a healthy relationship is being emotionally responsive (Lemay et al., 2007). This involves sending cues (e.g., verbal, physical) to your partner and having them respond to them (e.g., soothing, encouraging, etc.).

2. Be vulnerable with each other: When partners open up to each other, this helps develop and strengthen mutual trust.

3. Be honest: This can go hand-in-hand with vulnerability, but also encompasses other forms of communication. A healthy relationship will likely not be based on lies.

4. Have ‘healthy’ conflicts: Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how you go about dealing with them is essential. There are two things people say during a conflict that is both unfair and unhealthy. Those two words are, “always” and “never”.

5. Try something new. This is especially helpful if your relationship feels stale, and it can reignite the spark (e.g., going to a new restaurant for date night).

6. Solve problems as a team: This can help strengthen your identity as an “us” instead of a “me” and “you” and develop your problem-solving skills together.

7. Talk about your goals and dreams: Sharing similar hopes and values can help you reignite what attracted you to each other in the first place.

​In Conclusion

Relationships require work from each partner, and it’s normal for relationships to go through hard times. Putting these strategies to work for you may improve your relationships and hopefully keep them going strong.

As I have become a reader along with my writing, I have read some interesting stories on Medium.

This story by Mukundarajan V N is a tear-jerker for sure and it is so touching.

Elder Taoist did a great job with this story.

Another recommendation is the story by Judy Walker, I’ve Been Searing for You Dear One, My entire adult life.

Last, but certainly not least is Patrick O’Connell with his article about business strategies.

Thank you for reading.

Valorie Lasley

Change your mind, change your world.