7 Tips I Gave to My Lover Before Leaving Him for Good
If you want to keep her, they might work for you too.
I broke up with my lover because he wouldn’t want to commit to me after a year of dating.
Each time I expressed my need for a committed relationship, he was uncomfortable.
He would tell me to give him more time, but he still didn’t want to officialize our relationship as time passed.
I even suggested having an open relationship, but no. He simply wouldn’t want me to be his girlfriend.
When I broke up, I wrote him a letter. I also added seven suggestions that I thought might support his future relationships.
It wasn’t an intent to “fix him” because I accepted and loved all of him––I believe that each individual is perfect the way they are.
Yet, I have written these suggestions for growth because I was afraid he will only attract more of what he fears or will repeat similar relationships.
I offered him the option of not reading my suggestions if he didn’t want to hear my opinion or rejecting them if they didn’t resonate. They were only based on my perception.
Maybe those tips will resonate with you, too, and support your relationship. So here are my seven tips to support a woman feel at ease and loved.
Dear Arturo,
maybe you have practiced all of my suggestions before with the women you were madly in love with.
That’s possible, and I don’t know.
But since I love you and want your happiness, I wanted to share my suggestions for your future dating life.
Suggestion 1: Choose to uplift your woman by giving her reassurance when she feels insecure.
You might disagree, but this is my perception: A woman is like a flower.
A flower is delicate even if it seems strong from the outside. A flower needs water to grow and glow. Such as a woman needs reassurance to grow and glow.
Feeling insecure is normal, as normal as feeling sadness, anger, or joy. Women often feel insecure, you know?
So my advice is to always give reassurance to anybody who feels insecure– men or women. It is a generous act of love and kindness.
Be generous.
Suggestion 2: Always choose to respect the needs and feelings of the woman who loves you first, even when you don’t understand them.
In life, you have two options.
- You can choose to cherish the needs of women you don’t know, and they don’t know you.
- Or you can choose to cherish the needs of the woman who loves you BECAUSE she knows you.
For example, you can choose to like the picture of a woman you don’t know on social media because “she needs attention.” That is your right.
But I would advise you to respect the needs and feelings of the woman who loves you first. Just respect it when she tells you she is uncomfortable with you liking other women’s pictures on social media!
It’s so easy to do, and there is less drama.
“Look but don’t touch,” and everybody is happy! :)
Suggestion 3: Always listen to the feelings of the woman who loves you.
We are emotional beings.
You might not understand why someone feels a certain way. But that is okay! Everybody has their own experience of feelings.
Sometimes, when you don’t understand, the best way is to just witness what someone else feels and accept it without taking responsibility for their feelings.
It allows people to be free.
When I told you, “breaking up is painful, Arturo,” accept it even if you don’t understand. Don’t tell me that you don’t understand why I’m in pain.
Allow me to have my own feelings and remember that you’re not responsible for them.
Suggestion 4: The more you fear a woman will take your freedom away, the more you will attract it.
Not every woman comes into your life to take your freedom away.
I respect your freedom to the point I suggested having an open relationship.
I even waited one year for you to love me, and I accepted the little time you had for me.
Sometimes our mind is so focused on seeing what’s wrong with the other that we don’t open up to someone different.
I support your freedom, but freedom doesn’t mean accepting everything when it doesn’t feel good.
Suggestion 5: When a woman expresses a concern, listen and connect with the heart. Be smarter!
If you want to avoid conflicts, try this exercise.
When your woman complains, stay focused. Try to identify
- Her needs (for example, reassurance, quality time, attention, love, connection etc.)
- Her feelings (anger, sadness, frustration, joy etc).
- (Optional: Make a guess and then tell what your guess is.)
For example, if your woman says, “you don’t look at me anymore,” guess she means, “I’m scared to lose our connection, and I need reassurance that it is not happening.”
I promise you, it is magical! It brings more human connection and peace! This way, nobody takes anything personally!
The more you practice, the easier it becomes and the less conflict you have.
You said you don’t want conflict, but we can’t avoid conflict in relationships even when you are madly in love with the other person.
With this method, it becomes easier to feel good during conflicts.
Suggestion 6: Practice answering questions clearly.
Kids often avoid answering directly questions because a bad answer means punishment or shame.
But as an adult, there is no bad nor wrong answer!
People only ask you questions because they simply want clarity. You can choose to make it simpler by answering simply.
If I ask, “Are you planning on breaking up with me?” you can simply answer “yes” / “no” / “I’m not sure” instead of "did I say that?"
If I ask, “What is your intention when you like another girl’s picture on social media?” You can simply answer, “Telling her that I see her and appreciate her body” or any other answer that is true for you, instead of "my intention is not bad."
It is so easy to understand, and it helps the other person not take things personally.
Suggestion 7: Don’t let chemistry develops if you don’t want a relationship.
If you are unsure (or if you are sure) you don’t want a committed relationship, and a woman tells you she wants one, don’t be selfish.
Don’t even try to have sex with her! Don’t even try to be her friend.
So many times, I wish you would have told me, “Hakima, I don’t want a committed relationship, and it is best we don’t see each other despite the fact I really want to have sex with you and spend time together.”
I was too weak to tell you no. I have let the chemistry develop and fell in love with you despite knowing you didn’t want a relationship. I take full responsibility.
But next time, choose your higher self rather than the ego and sexual pleasure and help a weak woman saying no!
Do you resonate with this suggestions? What are your thoughts? I’d love to know, so please leave a comment!
Thank you.
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