7 Self-Challenges That Will Improve Your Conversations
Push out of your comfort zone and surprise yourself.
It’s easy to get settled into who you are.
Your mind is made up about your likes, dislikes, pet peeves, deal-breakers, and what matters in life.
And usually, it’s pretty final.
Of course, it’s easier to get locked into certain core philosophies about who you are than to be an ever-changing malleable person, but is it always the best option?
No, it’s not.
You are an endless project…changing, evolving, surprising.
— James Patterson
Challenge yourself to evolve and stretch beyond your fixed parameters and you’ll see limitless possibilities for improving how you relate to others, in your personal and professional life.
Through learning we re-create ourselves. Through learning we become able to do something we never were able to do. Through learning we reperceive the world and our relationship to it. Through learning we extend our capacity to create, to be part of the generative process of life. ― Peter M. Senge
Challenge 1: Commit to listening
Harder than it sounds, committing to active listening among other things means that you’ll make a point not to think about your response in any conversation, but rather, just to listen.
Seek to understand the point of the dialogue rather than try to think of a similar thing that happened to you that you can share. (Sound familiar?)
In a nutshell, it means going into a discussion with a clean slate, and keeping it clean as you listen.
Why it feels good: You know how good it feels to be listened to. That’s why.
Challenge 2: Ask at least one question
There’s always a question that can be asked. If you go through life having casual conversations at surface level, and never asking any questions, it can only mean a few things.
- You don’t care enough about the person to ask it.
- You don’t care enough about the topic to ask it.
- You think you already know the answer
- You’re in too much of a hurry
Regardless of the why, do your best to break the habit and try to query those you interact with, and make it a point to ask some good questions.
Why it feels good: You might learn something, but also create a more interactive style of conversation that will serve you forever.
Challenge 3: Follow up with someone every day
Do you know that conversation you had yesterday or last week? The next time you see that person, follow up about something they said.
Of course, that would assume that you passed Challenge 1 and committed to actually listening.
This is a bonding opportunity and goes miles toward building a relationship.
It shows you care.
You care enough to remember, and enough to follow up. That’s a big deal.
Why it feels good: Because it feels good to care.
Challenge 4: Demonstrate a show of trust
Be vulnerable. It’s easy to go through life remaining so private that you never divulge anything about yourself or your feelings.
I’m a really private person though, you might have said to yourself your entire life. Well, me too.
That’s a really convenient way to never have to open up and trust anyone with feelings or honest opinions.
Take a chance and open up to someone. Start slow but pace yourself, sometimes it’s hard to stop.
Why it feels good: It’s liberating, builds relationships, and can help break down some old walls.
Challenge 5: Take a beat before you respond
A moment of silence, please. If you’re the type of person that feels as though everything needs a swift reaction or response, this one might be tough.
Not everything is meant for you to react to. At least not immediately.
Some things are not even questions, but you just feel compelled to blurt out how you feel about it.
The challenge is just to let things sink in…mull them over, cogitate, then dive in. This isn’t just smart, it’s a key tenet of good conversations.
Why it feels good: You’re likely never going to blurt out something you’ll regret.
Challenge 6: Let go of the vine
In short, stop being a control freak. Push yourself to deviate from being the doer of all things, and gradually show enough trust to delegate something to someone.
This will be most impactful if it’s something you really have had a hard time letting go of in the past, something important.
Not something you hate to do.
Choose something you’re almost obsessed with, and let someone take the lead or do it altogether.
Why it feels good: Trusting others and allowing them to help you is good for your mind and will free up some time for new things.
Challenge 7: Allow your mind to be changed
This is a good one. And it’s the hardest of the challenges. We all have hard and fast beliefs about everything from politics to religion, diets, or even how much better Coke is than Pepsi.
Trying to allow your mind to be changed on something you’re passionate about is a handy skill that will uncover some new ideas and in turn help you become more well-rounded.
Why it feels good: You don’t want to be the most rigid, inflexible person in a conversation. No one likes to be around that. Allowing your mind to be changed, or at least considering another viewpoint, will feel good because it puts you in the camp of being “open-minded”, and that can’t be bad.
Small changes in how you approach conversations not only will feel good to the receiver, but you’ll notice an improvement in how you feel as well.
Some habits die hard, and getting uncomfortable is never fun, but being mindful of the things that can improve dialogue and then making adjustments can strengthen nearly all your relationships.
🎉 P.S. More midlife wisdom on 🔥 🎧 The Badass Midlife Podcast 🎧 🔥
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