The Underutilized But Necessary Skill Of Persuasion

What to remember and how to get better.

I’ve never considered myself much of a salesperson. In fact, I think I might hate “selling”.

So I’d never call myself a Salesman. Not me.

Then I remembered how in The Tipping Point -How Little Things In Life Can Make A Big Difference- by Malcolm Gladwell, he describes Salesmen in a very different way and it gave me some insight that helped me actually appreciate my inner salesman.

Stay with me, here, I’m going to take you on a bit of a walk to get to the point, but it will be worth it.

In The Tipping Point, for context:

Gladwell posits that there are 3 rules for how things spread like wildfire or “catch on” in society.

The Law Of The Few

In a nutshell, this means that a tiny group of people, Mavens, Connectors, and Salesmen-account for a product or concept building momentum because of their unique social gifts, making them responsible for many trends.

• Mavens: Data driven-They know a lot about a lot. They like accumulating information and enjoy sharing it with others
• Connectors: Socially driven-They know everyone and get joy out of introducing or connecting people with others who share common ground or who can be of help in some way.
• Salesmen: Persuasion driven-They are charismatic and can persuade by building emotional connections and using those relationships to influence others.

The Other Two

The Stickiness Factor-Is a measure of how impactful or memorable something is. This can be done by a number of techniques like a good story, repetition, or just being unforgettable.

A jingle you can’t stop humming or your kids being mesmerized by Blues Clues, those things are “sticky.”

The Power of Context- The idea that you can impact or modify the behavior of a group by changing the context of their situation.

He cites The Broken Window Theory, which states that visible signs of disorder and misbehavior in an environment encourage further disorder and misbehavior, leading to serious crimes.

Based on the Power of Context, to reduce the crime rate, we should fix the windows rather than arrest people for crime.

Back To The Salesman

So while a salesman, in the traditional sense of the word may not be an appealing label, at the root of all sales is persuasion. Just like Gladwell noted in his book.

Now that is a concept I can get behind.

I realize that I love persuading people to see my point of view. In a sense, I’m selling them on my idea.

Now I’ve embraced the idea of being a salesperson…well, a persuader.

Persuasion is a skill that can be utilized in all areas of life, and if you’re not using this handy little art form, it’s time you do.

Here are some key competencies for becoming better at being persuasive:

• Believe in yourself and your ideas-Confidence is key if you’re looking to persuade someone. If you only half-believe what you’re talking about, you'll never get anyone else to buy-in. Be confident.
• Have empathy for others and their position- Talking and getting a sense of how they are feeling at this moment will help you know the best approach to take with them. Are they frustrated or depleted? Knowing that will help form your conversation.
• Be a good and active listener-knowing a little about who you’re speaking to will allow for some more personal tailoring of your message. Ask questions, paraphrase, affirm, and always be looking for clues and insights about what matters to them.
• Build rapport early-take time to become a friend and show an interest in their life.
• Organize your thoughts-Make your points as concisely as possible and address them in an easy-to-follow way.
• Strong communication skills- Obvious, but can’t be forgotten. Don’t forget about your tone, eye contact, avoiding interrupting, respect, and eliminating outside distractions. Full focus on your conversation will win the day.

What Not To Do When Persuading

In his book, Persuasion I.Q, The Skills You Need To Get Exactly What You Want, Kurt Mortensen lists 10 obstacles to successful persuasion to look out for that could potentially have a negative impact on your persuasion efforts.

1. Thinking that you are better at persuasion than you are, and therefore failing to hone your skills. Instead, take a long, hard look at yourself, and see where your skills need to be improved.
2. Trying too hard to persuade. Seeming too keen probably puts people off faster than anything else.
3. Failing to put in the effort required to get what you want. Nothing, or at least not much, is free in this world.
4. Talking too much. Stop, and just listen to the people you need to persuade.
5. Providing too much information, which just confuses people, and makes them think you are trying to blind them with science. What, they ask, are you not telling them?
6. Getting desperate. Like insincerity, people can spot fear at a distance, and don’t like it.
7. Being afraid of rejection. This can even stop people from trying to persuade in extreme cases.
8. Not being prepared. You can’t ‘wing it’ every time. Your audience will see through you and will think that you value your time more highly than theirs.
9. Making assumptions about your audience, and then not being prepared to reassess when new evidence emerges.
10. Forgetting that the whole conversation is important. You need to engage in order to persuade, right from the beginning.

Persuasion And Emotions

Like many things in our society today, authenticity, personal connection, and open communication are the key drivers to being effective at the art of persuasion as well.

When you feel truly passionate about an issue or point of view, it shouldn’t be hard to get buy-in from others.

In anything from parenting, to making a point in the workplace, to getting what you want in a restaurant, the ability to passionately communicate your feelings honestly, clearly, and in a considerate way can persuade just about anyone to do anything.

Persuasion is underutilized but can be a very effective tool in getting your point across and reaching the outcomes you desire in your personal and professional life.

You just have to be able to sell it.

🎉 P.S. More midlife wisdom on 🔥 🎧 The Badass Midlife Podcast 🎧 🔥

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