7 Powerful Love Stories That Reveal The True Nature of a Relationship With A Covert Narcissist

Gentle reminders that you are not alone; it is not your fault, you are a victim.

“Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.” — Tavis Smiley

Sometimes, you share an article on Medium and you just want to reach out and hug everyone that left a comment.

Not because getting comments on your article is the most important thing (although it is fairly important), but because your story gave them a platform to share a piece of their heart.

They let our their pain because you created space for them by sharing about your own.

If there is a personal story you have been wanting to write but keep putting off, this is the Universe’s very loud “Just Do It!”

This Is What Being In Love With A Closet Narcissist Feels Like

2 weeks ago, I shared an article about how you can know you are dating a closet narcissist. Here it is for your reference;

Closet narcissists are the worst kind of narcissist to date because many times their pure evil comes out only for you. To the rest of the world, they are an angel.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

A closet narcissist is someone who has the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder but displays these behaviors in more subtle ways. This paper by the Cleveland Clinic cites some causes of this behaviour as genetics, childhood abuse and trauma, upbringing and relationships with caregivers, personality and temperament, among others.

Where Do Closet Narcissists Draw Their Power?

Love is blind despite the world’s attempt to give it eyes. ― Matshona Dhliwayo

Because the close narcissist comes off as an angel to the rest of the world, it makes it easier for them to keep you a victim.

They will take you through the stages of idealization, devaluation, and rejection so smoothly that the devastation they wreak will leave you shattered and feeling empty.

Meanwhile, the longer you are together, the harder it becomes for you to break free. They infiltrate your circles so efficiently that in due time it starts to feel like your friends are more of their friends.

That said, these comments inspired me to speak up more on the subject. And acknowledge the authors of those deep comments. Medium will not bring the comments on the story to your attention, but me putting them in an article might.

Please give these brave people a follow. I will keep editing this article to add more of the mini-stories as they arise.

Thank you Joanne Eden, Melforte, Adewyn, Cjnondixie, April Wahl, Jennifer Rubio, Lori, OnceUponATimeIBelievedInSmiles. Thank you for commenting and sharing your powerful stories with me, and affirming that being the victim does not make you the monster.

7 Powerful Love Stories That Reveal The True Nature of a Relationship With A Covert Narcissist — and Gentle Reminders That It is Not Your Fault

1. Narcissistic Abuse Can Become A Vicious Cycle

“At first you might wonder what you did to deserve such treatment. Nothing, probably, so that doesn’t matter. What matters is that, eventually, the abuse becomes the status quo.” — Nenia Campbell

“I have had two marriages with narcissistic people.

I grew up with a narcissistic mother who turned my brother into a huge one. I was the punching bag for insults and beratement.

My first husband love-bombed me for 4 years. The minute he said I do, I was “All His” and it started. I told my mother I wanted a divorce and her response was “the first year is the hardest”.

I should have known I wouldn’t get the support I needed.

It took me nine years of trying and two beautiful boys to leave and when I did I cut off everyone from my family that stood by my mother and brother. And she died with my ex because of course he played victim.

My second husband wasn’t as obvious he was a covert one (like in the article).

It took me 20 yrs to see the monster he was but I am glad I am out of that completely.

He showed his other side at the end loud and clear.

The minute I said we could try again he went from hateful to calm like a light switch.

That scared me.

I had never seen that side of him and he was shocked I went ahead and got a lawyer for a divorce. I am not stupid I know where that will lead too. He never hit me but with the rage he displayed, it could easily get there.

I have been there, done that. I even have a T-shirt that says that.

Can any one tell me if there are groups for survivors. I am in a normal relationship now, but I think it would be good for me to be around others that under stand all this.”

If you find yourself in such a situation, remember, it is not your fault. When you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, it can become a vicious cycle that becomes hard to break. If you know of any support groups for survivors, please share in the comments section. Thank you.

Remember, it is NOT your fault.

2. Leave As Soon As You Can

“Let things come and go. Stay calm, don’t let anything disturb your peace, and carry on.” — Germany Kent

“That is why I stayed for 3 years.

I saw little things happening every so often, texts and messages on various social platforms to other women.

He said they were “just friends” or that “I didn’t know what I was talking about”. He said I was making things up in my head and that he had no intention of cheating on me because he loved only me.

I couldn’t figure out why he would lie.

I told him time and again to just be open with me so we could move forward or so I had informed options, but he was steadfast.

I learned he has a porn addiction where he watches 1–3 hours daily, but that was all I could figure out. I could feel the stale air like something happened that he was hiding.

I stuck around hoping he would open up.

Waited around to catch him in the act.

Called the women he was communicating with.

I should have listened.

He called them “unreliable “ and he responded to them that I was “insecure.” He never devalued me to my face, just to his family and to the other women.

We are still living together for a few more days while I close on a house (getting the hell out). In the meantime, he has moved on, more obviously with his next supply(ies).

I am sick to my stomach.”

Support groups of people who survived these kinds of relationships confirm the same thing. Leave while you still can. Yes, it gets harder to leave the longer you are together.

Remember, it is NOT your fault.

3. They Will Want You As Long As You Remain A Good Supply

“Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect.” — Mind Journal

“Thank you for this article, Elizabeth.

It is soooo hurtful and embarrassing to know that I was supply.

I was this guy’s number 1 fan, I believed in his “business ventures”, hooked him up with some of my professional contacts to assist him with his “dreams”.

Then his words of devaluation towards me began, then the rejection and constant arguments. I was done. 🙅🏽‍♀️ Thank you for the confirmation.🙏🏽”

Narcissists seek out an endless supply of validation, attention, and praise to compensate for low self esteem, confidence, and a perceived lack of acceptance that’s often a result of early childhood trauma and attachment issues.

There is nothing you can do to change who they really are at their core. However, as long as you keep being their supply, they will keep you around.

They keep you for the validation, attention and praise you give them. They keep you because you make it seem like they are less of the monster that they feel themselves to be.

Remember, it is NOT your fault.

4. Do Not Ignore The Warning Signs

“Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up at the wrong destination.” — Unknown

“That warning thing, that’s a test I think.

If you don’t react to that with questioning or departure, I think they know they can proceed as planned.

My ex did a pathetic little distressed “I don’t know if this is going to worrrrk” show, and of course, silly me, I reassured him.”

You were a victim of circumstances. It was not your fault.

When you are a victim of a narcissist, it is hard to escape unless you know exactly what you are dealing with. You become a prisoner of your own emotions.

You keep wishing you could revive what you had before. Somehow, you believe there is something that you can do to rekindle the flame your relationship burned with in the beginning.

In my case, he warned me, though. In a letter. A letter I reread with the pieces of my shattered heart and convinced myself he was misguided in his emotions. He warned me right before the devaluation process started.

He told me that I should run before I fell head over heels in love with him. I should have left and never looked back; pretended that I never met him. He warned me he would break my heart and feel no remorse for it. He promised he would act like he loved me deeply, that he would love me to the point of exhaustion. He would make my friends and family love him and give me hope for a perfect future. We would speak of marriage and kids.

He warned me, I did not listen. Do not ignore the warning signs.

Remember, it is NOT your fault.

5. You Are Not Alone

“When the wind blows in your face, when you feel you are losing your head, when the going gets tough, and when all else fails, look inside you, you are not alone.” — Malak El Halabi

1. “Don’t worry … I have been there too.

That feeling where they treat you like the best thing since sliced bread, and then drop you like worthless crumbs.

It hurts, but we live and learn.”

2. “I truly appreciate your thoughts and how you have shared them.

Everything you said resonated with me and helped me understand better what I am living at this point in my life. Thank you.”

3. “Well stated. Thank you for this. It will help so many people. 💕”

4. “Good write up. I am sad it resonates so much to me. Thanks.”

Remember, it is NOT your fault.

Final Thoughts

I am repeatedly reminded of the unfortunate fact that in our society, the victim usually suffers more than the perpetrator.

That is not right.

However, if ever you find yourself the victim of a covert narcissist, it helps to remind yourself that the misfortune that your relationship became is not your fault.

You are not to blame. I repeat, it is not your fault.

And as soon as you realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, covert or otherwise, the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave as soon as possible.

I wish you loads of love and happiness in your relationships.

“You can be free from whatever situation surrounds you to the degree that you are willing to take responsibility and ownership for it, even if it’s not your fault.” — Anonymous

And Now Your Thoughts…

Please let me know your reflections in the comments section below.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a narcissist? How did you manage it?

Do you know someone that is stuck in this kind of relationship? What would you advise them to do?

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